TEATRO DON OPERATICO
GUGLIELMO
CLINTON
GUGLIELMO CLINTON CLASSIC
This page is
devoted to my first Clinton parody posted to Standing Room
(the message board at Opera News Online). I will begin, however, with
the
background to
the parody, in
the ancient "Parodied lyrics" thread. This thread
is now
dead, since
it was destroyed in the Great SR Crisis of 2003.
25 April, 1997
Ken Howard
Colgate's better, Colgate's better, it beat Crest and Aim in the
test! (sung to "Colga l'empio" from Macbeth).
Yes, I have found new territory to tassle with. In college we
used
to butcher texts to choral works and operas we were singing in
concert with the Philadelphia Orchestra et al., all the time.
Carmina Burana was one of our favorites. Please understand that
this is done with complete respect for the actual works, but the
monotony of repetition of learned pieces sometimes bred parody.
WARNING: If you find parody to be disrespectful and blasphemous to
the world of opera, then (1) you must not like Bugs Bunny, (2) your
humor lobe from your brain has been removed or absent at birth, or
(3) as Kate Hepburn so elegantly put it in "On Golden Pond," "Is it
just not your cup of tea?" So I beg all dissenters to visit
another
thread and let those of us who wish to have some innocent fun do so.
Thanks.
Betsy Wilson
Nice warning!!
;)
Operatic
Civilian
Well, let me be the first one to offer the following -- probably
older than time immemorial [while I was travelling on my time
machine I heard several pterodactyls singing it -- Don O.], but
which I got from The Simpsons:
(sung to Escamillo's aria): "Toreador, oh, don't spit on the floor,
use the cuspidor, that's what it's for ..."
And since we're in Carmen, there's the burlesque on the Habanera as
done in the Marx Brothers' Coconuts:
"I want my shirt, I want my shirt, I can't be happy without my
shirt."
27 April, 1997
Don
Operatico
Well, I've been waiting for the last few days to see if anyone else
would add to this thread, but no one has, so I suppose I may as well
take the plunge. These are all idiotic, but I guess that's the
whole idea.
"Poor G.I. Joe" (Countess, The Marriage of Toys "R" Us)
"Deh velcro won't adhere" (Susanna, same opera)
"In diesem heil'gen Website, kennt man die Flaming nicht" (Sarastro,
Das Zauberweb [shouldn't that be, Die Cyberflöte? -- Don O.])
"Amor ti veto" (President Fedora)
28 April, 1997
Tall Soprano
The only problem is that the only parody I know really well is to
"Una voce poco fa," and it's so dirty I'd get kicked out of here for
good. [I never did find out what it was. I'm really missing out.
Don O.]
Ken Howard
I know that one, and you're right.
Konstanze
If I rpomise not to reveal my source, will yuo e-mail that one to me?
Don Operatico
It's hard to think of parodies that are funny without being obscene
[not that difficult].
"Là ci darem la mango"
29 April, 1997
Tall Soprano
We also did a version of "Che gelida manina" from Deliverance --
probably get shot for that one, too.
So here's one from DG -- you'll only get it if you know it really
well. When DG sings "Zerlinetta mia garbata", it became
"Zerlinetta, my garbanzo bean!" That's courtesy of my friend
Karen
who's singing Elvira w/ Bronx Opera (a little free publicity -- she
opens this Friday and I'll be there!).
Don Operatico
From the beginning of the Act I Finale. The next line (to
continue
with the culinary DG) might run like this:
DG: Toasted Wheaties, Toasted Wheaties with caviar!
Z: Deh, let's have some more sangria!
DG: No, I'd rather drink tequila!
1 May, 1997
Konstanze
Is anyone familiar with Spike Jones' version of I Pagliacci? I
used
to hear it from time to time on the classical radio station in
Rochester.
(sung with a Hilbilly accent) When I was in the city I was wonderin
where to go.
A signed spelled out "Pagliacci" up in lights above a show.
I thought 'twould be a Western, till the stage lit up with lights,
the 97 people sung without a horse in sight.
I couldn't understand 'em 'cause they spoke a furrin tongue!
But I can give you some idea of what I think they
suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuung!
(tenor voice, sobbing): Riiiiiiidiiii, Pagliaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccio!
(Hilbilly) All at once there's a fat guy in a clown suit!
'T ain't
Hollerween, that's fer sure! Then this here feller, this
Paunchyneller begins to heller: Yo duh lee ayy hee hooo! Like we all
was deef! That was Pagliacci, and he sung:
(to the tune of "Vesti la giubba") Invest in a tuba and somethin'
or nuther 'bout Cuba [this proves that opera is controlled by
Communists -- Skippy]!
He sung about a lady who weighed two hundred and eighty!
When she takes a powder, he just starts chirpin' louder,
but he don't do a gall darned thing, 'cept to stand up there and
sing!
When I listen to Pal-yachee, I git all itchy and scratchy.
This sure is top corn, so I go by some popcorn.
I hate to go back, but I can't get my dough back!
There ain't no use complainin' 'cause outside it;s rainin'!
Seven hours later I'm still in the darned The-ay-tur!
Takin' turns at nappin' waiting fer somethin' to happen.
Pagliacci he ain't hurryin's but the folks on stage are flurrien
and it sounds like Catchiturrian's Neighbor Dance!
When old Pagliacci finds the guy he's seekin' cheek-to-cheekin' with
his wife he takes a knife and stabs the louse who stoled his spouse.
Then he stabs the lady and himself (ain't very sanitary).
Then old Pagliaaci sets up and he gets up, sings "I'm dyin'." HE
IS
DYIN'??? and I'm cryin' cause to tell the truth I'm dyin' too!
As the footlights fade out, we see Pagliacci laid out
but the dagger never cause it! Pagliacci was plum exhausted!!!!
Joe Diamanti
Years ago, the famous opera Pigoletto starring Miss Piggy was
performed on the old Muppet show. Anybody remember that?
Ken Howard
Sung alongside none other than Beverly Sills.
Figaro
Yes, she was great. There is no one like her in the world. (Miss
Piggy, that is!)
Don Operatico
Konstanze's Grand Ole Opry version of Pagliacci is the best so far.
This isn't strictly a parody of lyrics, but on one of this season's
Quizzes (I think it was the Ballo broadcast), the contestants had to
make up parodies of arias, as if written by other composers. One
of
the contestants did a Philip Glass version of "Vedrai carino."
Crtuchfield sang a Handelian version of "E lucevan le stelle"
(complete with coloratura), and Philip Glass's "Di quella pira" ("Di
quella pira ... di quella pira ... di quella pira ... di quella pira
... somebody stop me!")
Monica
As the orchestra plays The Ride of the Valkyries, you can sing
along: "Calcium Phosphate, Calcium Phosphate, Calcium Phosphate,
Calcium Phosphate ... etc.
3 May, 1997
Don Operatico
For all we know, that's what "Hojotoho!" means ...
Don Giovanni as Microsoft salesman: "Deh vieni alla Finestra '95"
("Come to Windows '95").
Figaro
Don Operatico --
That was the funniest post I've read on SR yet! Bravo!
Don Operatico
Thanks, Figaro. I thought Howard's Rigatoni was hilarious. [Alas,
no record of "rigatoni' has survived, to my knowledge, and I have no
recollection of its contents whatsoever. -- DO]
I"m holding a Guglielmo Clinton parody in reserve.
Konstanze
Don Operatico --
You can't leave it there! Let's hear it!
4 May, 1997
DNKoenigin
This puts me in mind of stories a friend has told me about college
days -- a Don Giovanni blanked out on the words to "Là ci darem"
and
sang his entire portion repeating "Là di darem la mano,
là ci darem
la mano," etc.... And whoever thought of "O don fatale" as "Oh,
fatal cuteness"?
Then, does anyone else remeber the Gilligan's Island Hamlet?
I ask to be, or not to be, a rogue and peasant slave is what you
see... (Habanera)
Neither a borrower nor a lender be -- do not forget, stay out of
debt. Think twice and heed this advice from me -- guard that old
solvency ... (Toreador Song)
I'm really scared that I remember as much of these lyrics as I do...
[THIS IS THE MUCH VAUNTED CLINTON
PARODY]
Don Operatico
Very well, Konstanze, if you insist ...
Act I begins with a chorus of corporate lobbyists and politicians
singing the praises of soft money, "Senza lilleri non si lallera
[Rightly so! Soft money is the glory of our democratic system. --
Skippy] I'm sure you're right, Skippy... But anyway ... exit
chorus, leaving Celsea alone with her cat Calzetto (Socks). She
sings of her longing for the lyric tenor Salamandro Ghingraccio
(Newt Gingrich [rather dates this piece, no? DO]) in the lovely aria
"O mio gattino caro" ("Oh my dear little cat"). Enter Salamandro
Ghingraccio, he and Celsea sing the usual love-duet, interrupted by
Calzetto's coloratura miaowlings. Exit Celsea to get Calzetto
some
catfood. More or less alone, Salamandro reflects on how his rise
to
power is motivated solely by love for Celsea, in "Sei crudele,
Signro Ghingraccio" ("You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch"), Porvalone's
signature aria. He exits at the sound of voices. Enter
Guglielmo
Clinton with Alberto Gore and Don Giovanni Huang. Recitativo
accompagnato: Guglielmo is not satisfied with Don Giovanni's offer.
In the famous aria, "Io sento il tuo dolore" ("I feel your pain") he
explains that, as much as he regrets the fact that DG doesn't
control US trade policy, he needs a bigger "contribution."
(Guglielmo's vocal category depends on whoever has sung last.) In
recit Guglielmo asks for DG's daughter Paola di Giovanni (Paula
Jones); the two come to an agreement in "Là ci darem la mano"
("It's
a deal") The Act I Finale begins with the entrance of Paola; she
and Guglielmo embrace. GC's wife Ilaria enters in a rage;
Salamandro enters in search of a "contribution" from DG; Celsea and
Socks enter for no real reason except that it's a Finale. In the
confusion, Guglielmo and Paola escape.
Act II begins with Guglielmo and Paola alone in the Lincoln Bedroom.
GC admires Paola's hair ("Non ho inalato" = "I didn't inhale").
Enter Donna Ilaria, exit GC in haste. Ilaria conronts Paola in the
duet, "Sgualdrina sfacciata" ("Shameless hussy"). Left alone,
Ilaria sings, "Mi tradì" ("He cheated on me"). Enter
Alberto Gore
who proposes elopement in the celebrated baritone aria, "Non v'ha
controllante autorità legal" ("There is no controlling legal
authority"). He is spurned. Enter Don Giovanni Huang with
the
other characters. He proposes to sort everything out, and to give
enormous contributions to everyone, if he's allowed to control US
trade policy and be exempt from all taxation [powers that belong to
me by right -- Skippy] in "Giacché spendo i miei danari, io mi
voglio divertir" ("As long as I spend my money, I want to have a
good time"). The Finale consists of various deals made among the
characters. The opera ends with a reprise of the "Senza lilleri"
chorus.
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