TEATRO DON OPERATICO
RHEINDRECK
Date: March 28, 2000 09:11 PM
Author:
Don Operatico (The
Baritone-Cave)
Act
I:
The
Prelude lasts an hour or two. German
tradition forbids breathing
at
this point.
Scene
1: Flöpse, Möpse and Köttöntäil,
echt-Deutsch Playboy bunnies,
swim
about in the nude and are
lascivious in a wholesome, Teutonic
way.
They sing of the Rheindreck while
the Orchestra plays the
highly
significant Gagging-motiv (though
some commentators insist on
calling
it the Transfiguration-through-Schwarzwläderkirschtort
-Motiv). Pätär, a loathsome dwarf (or
Drivelung) who doesn't even
speak German, eyes them lustfully (Sex-Motiv).
Fortunately, the
Rheinplaymates put Pätär to sleep with the
Rheindreck-narration,
in which they explain that the Rheindreck
is a product of Rhonco (TM)
and is on sale at Sears-und-Rhobuck for just
$ 799.99 (regular price,
$809.99);
buy two, and you get the Ring
of Power for free!!! (Rhonco-
Motiv,
Gagging-motiv, Buy!Buy!Buy!Motiv). Pätär buys the Ring,
and
promptly
uses it to enslave the other
Drivelungs (TQM-Motiv).
Date:
March 28, 2000 10:01 PM
Author:
Don Operatico (The
Baritone-Cave)
Subject:
Rheindreck Revived
I.2:
Wotan tries to get on Oper-L, then
gives up in disgust. This
scene
lasts two hours (Eternity-motiv).
I.3:
Möpse comes with money from selling
the Rheindreck, and buys
the
job of love-goddess. Wotan wants to
buy the Ring from Pätär, so
he
turns to Stoge, the God of Cigars,
for advice.
Date:
March 29, 2000 07:23 PM
Author:
Don Operatico (The
Baritone-Cave)
Subject:
Rheindreck Revived
Act
II:
Scene
1: As Wotan and Stoge head for the
realm of the
Drivelungs,
Helfgott plays that
"Bumblebee" thingummy 119, 468
times.
Wotan tries to amuse himself by
reading old copies of
Playgod.
II.2:
In, Drivelheim, Stoge starts an
idiotic cigar fad, destroying
the
Drivelungs' morale (Stench-motiv).
Pätär shows off the magic
powers
of the Blarney-helm by turning
into Lucky the Leprachaun
(Toor-loora-laddy-motiv).
Stoge dares P.
to turn into a marshmallow,
then
puts him in a cereal and markets
him (or it; Gagging-motiv).
From
within the bowels of the cereal
box, P. curses the Ring
(Rhonco-motiv).
Act
III:
Back
in the realm of gods, Flicka
(Goddess of Porno Films)
warns
Wotan not to uise the Ring, then
goes off with the Three Porns
to
rehearse for a movie (Sex-motiv). The
giants Tom and Jerry have
finished
Walmart, the Abode of the Gods (Transfiguration-through-
oligopoly-motiv), and demand Möpse as payment
(Sex-Motiv), or else
they'll beat Stoge up (Violence). Froh, the
God of Sauerkraut, tries
to
bribe them with that revered product of
German Volk-kuisine
(Kultur-motiv).
Commercial
break: Try New McKrautburger
for only $3.49
(Redemption-through-Golden-Arches-Motiv).
Back
in the domain of the gods, Wotan
wrangles with the giants over
the
price of Walmart (Rhonco-Motiv),
while Donner and Blitzen
conceive
Rudolpho, the Red-nosed
Bohemian (Sexmas-motiv). Tom and
Jerry
demand the Rheindreck, including
the Ring; $504, 917.38; 287
tons
of sauerkraut; and a two-year
subscription to Opera Booze
(Gagging-motiv
+ Kultur-motiv). Wotan at
first refuses to give the
giants
the Ring, but consents when
Murda, Goddess of Something or
Other,
tells him that the Gods will gain
a net profit of $157, 808.34
@
19.18% (Whatever-that-means-motiv).
The giants fight over who gets
to
read the first issue of Opera Booze
("After you! I'll just fiddle
with
this ring while I wait. Don't mind
me.") Jerry kills Tom and
turns
into a dragon after ODing on
Sauerkraut (Kultur-motiv). The
gods
pay very little attention to this,
sauntering into Walmart to
watch
Möpse do a strip-tease. The
Entrance into Walmart lasts about
three
hours (Go-figure-motiv) Wotan and
Murda have "sex" (Gagging-motiv)
and
beget nine horsy maidens.
Date:
March 30, 2000 08:46 AM
Author:
Pippo
Subject:
Rheindreck Revived
This is beginning to turn
me on to
Wagner ...