Unabashed Consumerism in Tolkien 

One of the things that Tolkien's admirers refrain from mentioning is the shameless way in which he advertised various products in his works. No doubt he was bribed by commercial interests. Let me give a few examples:

1. From "The Uruk-hai": "Uglúk thrust a flask between his teeth and poured some liquid down his throat: he felt a hot fierce glow go through him." And a bit later on: "An Orc stooped over him, and flung him some bread and a strip of raw dried flesh. He ate the stale grey bred hungrily, but not the meat." This clearly refers to the coffee and hamburgers served at McDonald's. I wonder how much they paid Tolkien to include this shameless piece of marketing in his book. Mind you, even Tolkien clearly baulked at openly advising anyone to eat the meat served at McDonald's.

2. From "Three is Company": "A fox passing through the wood on business of his own stopped several minutes and sniffed. 'Hobbits!' he thought. 'Well, what next? I have heard of strange doings in this land, but I have seldom heard of a hobbit sleeping out of doors under a tree. There is something mighty queer behind this.' He was quite right." This is the most blatant propaganda for the "fair and balanced" reporting of Fox News. "He was quite right", forsooth! Moreover, notice the underhanded queer-bashing going on here.

3. And then there is this exhortation from "The Passage of the Marshes": "Eat fish every day, three times a day, fresh from the sea." This siren call was no doubt inspired by a hefty bribe from the fishing industry - perhaps even from Norwegian or Swedish processed food companies. I suspect the slimy fin of Findus. Shame on them!

4. From "A Long-expected Party": "Old Gaffer Gamgee got a bottle of ointment for his creaking joints." I believe that in HoME VI, p. 29, footnote 8, there is a statement that Tolkien originally wrote "Bengay" instead of "ointment" but then felt slightly embarrassed at being so obvious.

5. From "Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit": "I'll cook you some taters one of these days. I will: fried fish and chips served by S. Gamgee." This is the work of the British tourist industry, luring unsuspecting foreigners into the tourist traps serving such delicacies.

6.  From "The Field of Cormallen": "There came Gwaihir the Windlord, and Landroval his brother, greatest of all the Eagles of the North, mightiest of the descendants of old Thorondor, who built his eyries  in the inaccessible peaks of the Encircling Mountains when Middle-earth was young." Don't the people at Ryanair have any shame at all? Invoking the legendary past of the North to sell their substandard flying services!

7. From "The Bridge of Khazad-dûm":  "The Balrog made no answer. The fire in it seemed to die, but the darkness grew. It stepped forward slowly on to the bridge, and suddenly it drew itself up to a great height, and its wings spread from wall to wall." Notice that "the fire in it seemed to die" when its wings had been fried. Yes, this is an underhanded advertisement for Colonel Sanders' Kentucky Fried Chicken. I suspect that the term "buffalo wings" is actually a corruption of "balrog wings", just as the French "crévisse" was transmogrified into "crayfish".

8. From "Farewell to Lórien": "The food was mostly in the form of very thin cakes, made of a meal that was baked a light brown on the inside, and inside was the colour of cream." We are then informed of how yummy this product of Cadbury's is.

9. In the very same chapter, the shipping industry is also given a boost: "...there was a hythe of white stones and white wood. By it were moored many boats and barges. Some were brightly painted, and shone with silver and gold and green, but most were either white or grey." So the White Star shipping line had also made it worth Tolkien's while to do some advertising for them.

10. From "The King of the Golden Hall": "Many woven cloths were hung upon the walls, and over their wide spaces marched figures of ancient legend, some dim with years. some darkling in the shade. but upon one form the sunlight fell:  a young man upon a white horse. He was blowing a  great horn, and his yellow hair was flying in the wind. The horse's head was lifted, and its nostrils were wide and red as it neighed, smelling battle afar. Foaming water, green and white, rushed and curled about its knees." The souvenir industry got its commercial too. 

11. In "A Long-expected Party", we read the following: "The dragon passed like an express train, turned a somersault, and burst over Bywater with a deafening explosion." So British Railways were among the business interests that bribed Tolkien. However, the man was not totally devoid off decency; he did feel impelled to warn against the dangers of using their services when travelling. 

12. From "The Houses of Healing". "The weed is better than I thought. It reminds me of the roses of Imloth Melui when I was a lass, and no king could ask for better." Yah, buy some flowers for a loved one! The florists shelled out some lucre for nice Master Tolkien too.

Tolkien's entire output reeks of commercialism.  Damnable, oh, damnable!

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