D3RRIDINA DOEZ HOGWARTZ

Chapter 2. DERRIDINA GITS THA BASILISK

Wh3n sh3 wented back 2 Hogwartz Derridina t00k defence aginst tha dark arts with Hary R0n n Miney. Tha teech3r wuz a lam3r n cudnt d00 ennything but Miney thought h3 wuz h0t but D3rridina s3d he wuz dumb n a lam3r. n in tha first clas h3 empti3d a bunch uv pixi3s n tha class n didn’t kn0 tha sp3l but fortunately D3rridina rem3mberd tha spel frum h3r half centore half m3rmade muthder whoo wuz descented from Shazam whood inv3nted tha spel aginst pixeys which wuzzed “pixiez sux cuz thay don’t ware ey3liner” s0 sh3 gotted rid of th3m but she didn’t git good grad3z cuz sh3 cudnt r3member a11 tha stuff tha t3acher clam3d hed done li3k seducing Madam Mim by warin kewl dark glass3s. that 0ne wuz probly troo.

R0nz sist3r Jinny gotted a diry n it wuzzed blank but part of Walmorts s0le wuzzed in th3re n it start3d 2 p0ssez h3r n am3k er danse tha macarena (sp?) but D3rridina recunnized tha sinez n kilt that diry by ritin w33rd theeriez ab0ut whoo shud have s3x with hoo witch gross3d tha diry 0ut so it di3d. but it had alr3ddy maid Jinny g0 down in2 tha chamb3r uv seekrits.

Meandwiles Hary kept h33rin voicez sayin “kil peepl strang3l th3m cuz thay d0nt have kewl scalez n fangz n stuff.” N peepl start3d getting p3t-ro-fi3d wich m33nz thay g0tted hard li3k nale polish n cudnt talk n Hairy g0t blam3d for it cuz h3 cud talk 2 snak3zn p33pl th0ught that meaned h3 wuz evil but Herminy s3d “Itz a bazelisp” n D3rridina sed “that’s kewl cuz my m3rmade half iz immun3 s0 tha baselist cant hert m3 n Hary can talk 2 it cuz h3 knows parcelm0uth wich iz wut snak3z speek s0 lets g0 get rid uv it s0 it w0nt kil Jinny” n Hairry s3d kewl.

S0 thay f0und3d tha chamb3r cuzzed it wuz und3r Myrt3lz bathr00m n Murtl3 had binned murd3rd by Valmart cuz he mak3d h3r s33 tha bask3tlisk n sh3 di3d cuz tha baseliskz fashun s3nse was s0 bad it wud kil enyy0ne. s0 D3rridina n Hary went3d 2 Mertl3z bathr00m n th3n thay went d0wn in2 tha chamb3r ov s3cretz. Tha decore suxed cuz g0th iz kewl but u can ha3v 2 much ov it n Slitherin whoo’d maked it did.

S0 thay w3nt in2 tha chamb3r n Hariy op3ned it by sp33kin (that m33nz talking but wh3n I say M33N I li3k ovioustly d0nt m33n “m33n(-2-say)” 0r vouloir-dir3 in tha s3nse of int3nshun n stuff li3k D3rrida said) pars3lm0uth n tha s3rp3nt wuzzed th3re but Hary teld it 2 cl0se itz eyez s0 it did s0 D3rridina kilt it by t3llin it it didn’t ha3v nales 2 d0 so waring nailpollish wuz kinda dum wich imbarrass3d it s0 it di3d wutch wuz kewl.

S0 Hary Ron n Hermin3y gots l0tz a p0ints tho R0n dint d00 much apart frum sayin st00pid stuff but he wuzzed kewl so got kewl p0intz n D3rridina wuz mad3 Mis Hogwartz s0 sh3 gits 2 ware a bikini at skewl functionz.

S0 thay w3nted bax n li3f dint sux as much 4 Hairy n D3rridina az be4 cuz D3rridina pr0tecked Harry n sh3 scar3d tha pimp in2 b3in less p3rv. That wuz til thay m3tted Harryz Ant Marge wh00 l00kt li3k Marg3 Simpsun but wuz uglier n a j3rk but m0r3 lat3r cuz this chapt3r iz enuff cuz ive finnish3d tha narrativ3 4 this part of tha story n I kno narrative iz inc0mpl3te n hasz apertur3 s0 shut up n wy doez Word currect my 3nglish itz g00d.

Chapter 3