D3RRIDINA DOEZ HOGWARTZ

Chapter 4. D3RRADINA SAEVZ S3DRICS LIEF N ST0PS THA BADGUY FR0M KILLIN HAIRY N LI3K STUF BUT TH3REZ THIS R33LY ANN0YIN T33CHER WH0 THINX HEZ GRATE

PART 1

D3rradina n Hary went 2 tha Burr0 wich iz R0nz h0us3 n it wuz kewl n thare wuznt any perv pimpz wh0 hat3d magik but h3 mad3 her take som3 prostatutes al0ng 4 tha quiddich gam3 s0 tha br0thel cud maek mon3y n Min3y wuz thare n Derridina n Miney n Mrs. W33zly did eech otherz hare n Derridina libarat3d Mrs. Weezly frum housew0rk n sed mr. Weesly haved 2 share. N Harry wuz hapy cuz he wuznt with tha Dirtseys ev3n tho they rnt as bad az th3y used 2 be went hay made him 3at Ant Marg3s dogs p00 wen h3 ask3d qu3stionz thay still suck3d.

Th3n thay went 2 see tha quidditch w0rld cup wich wuzz betw33n Ireland n Vulgaria n thay wuz v3ry stareotippical n tha l3prechaunz wuz lam3. s0 D3rridina sup0rted Blogaria as an act a defiance aginst conv3ntional valu3z n cuz shez a third vela wich I fergotted b3for. N this gy nam3d Krum wuz todaly kewl but tha 0ther play3rz wuz borin.

N abov tham Winky tha hous3 elf wuz k33pin a plac3 4 som3on3 named Cr0uch who wuz a big ministry guy n r33ly li3k shirty n stuf but no 0ne wuz thare n D3rridinaz leg s3d thare wuz som3one thare h00 wuz invizzable n bad but n0 one car3d.

Aft3r tha game Malf0y n oth3r jerx appressed tha mugglez wh0 ran tha plac3 ware thay had tha gam3 n als0 tha prossitutes but at least th3 pr0stitudez mak3d munny out a it lader by su3in tha pimp cuz bein wav3d in tha air by sickoz wuznt in tha c0ntrack. N they runn3d n hide in t3h w00dz n herd someone say “MORSARTR3” n a big skul appeereded in the sky eetin a snak3 n evry0ne freeked 0ut cuz it wuz a symbol a Waldmart n wuz sayin “L’ETRE ET LE NEANT” wich is French 4 “I ROOL.” N Cr0uch turnt up n wuz like pist off at tha elf n fired her n a c0rse it wuz cuz tha invizzable badguy had gotted away but n0 one knowed that y3t tho D3rradina guest.

Thay went3d 2 Hogwartz n stuff happ3ned.

N this yeer ther defence aginst dark art t33cher wuz M00dy but Darredinaz lemon pow3r sed he wuz hidin somthin n maybe he wuz havin a affare with D3anna Troy. He didded unfergivabl3 curses 0n peepl n Hary r3sistad n Derradina laft cuz rasistin them wuz 3asy. 4 her at leest. Cuz shez sp3cial n has a tragicked pass. N D3rridina maked a quiz that sed wut kinda unf0rgivabl3 curs r u?

N thare wuzzed a lam3 nu hist0ry a magic pr0f wh0 taught avanc3d classes n wuz call3d C0unt something 0r uther n hiz fak3 forin acc3nt wuz todally put on n h3 mad3 like he knoed ev3rything thatz D3rridinaz job n he had a gurlfrend nam3d S3xina whoo wuz h0t but wut sh3 did at H0gwartz wuznt cleer.

N tha skewl wuz hostin tha triwiz3rd turnamint wich iz w3n a stud3nt frum eech sk00l doez stuff in frunta juges n gets famus. S0 tha stud3nts had 2 put ther namez in side th3 goblit a fir3 wich wuz this cheesy macdoneldz cup cuzzed Mcdonald wuz sp0nserin it n uzin tha tornam3nt az an istram3nt a domanati0n. But u had 3 be 17 wich iz unfare n child abus3.

Tha sk00lz w3re Hogwartz, B3xbat0nz 0r som3thin wich iz Fr3nch n Darnstang wich iz forin. N C3drik hoo wuz kewl n cam3 frum Huffenstuf wich wuz margenalize by th3 other houses wuzzed chos3 4 H0garts n Flore hoo wuz part vela n thought3d she wuz h0t gott3d ch00sed 4 Beabutton n Krum gotted pick3d 4 Dorset ware thare wuz farm3rz that hat3d modern stuf. But th3n at tha 3nd tha nam3z Hary P00ter n Derradina cam3d out a the gobbler.

D3rridina wuz tha 0nly 0ne who knu h0w h3r nam3 gots in thare it wuz a sp3l she inv3nted wen sh3 wuz b0red. But no 0ne accept tha badgy kn0wed h0w Hairyz nam3 gotted in thare. N tha h3dmattress a Beaxbeatle wh0 wuzz Madam Maxime n wuz haf gient th0 that wuz sp0sed 2 be a sekrit n Kazaruff tha head mast3r a Drumstick wuz pist off n s3d Dumbl3dor wuz a jerk but Dumbelldork s3d som3one wuz pr0bly trieing 2 kil th3m but thay had 2 play anyway.

N R0n wuzzed jellous n h3 n Hary wudnt talk 2 eachoth3r wich wuz dum s0 D3rridina gotted POed n turnt l3sbian.

“HAZ NO ONE BUT M3 RED HABERMAS” sed Derridina.

“PROBLY” s3d R0nned.

“NO W0NDER U DON’T GRASP COMMUNICATIV R3ASON 0R COMUNICATIV3 RASH0NALITY WICH LI3K DISTINGUISH3Z ITS3LF FROM TEH RASHONALIST TRADITI0N BY LOCATIN RATIONA1ITY IN STRUCTURZ OF TODALLY INT3RPERSUNAL LINGUISTIK CUMUNICATION RATH3R TH3N IN THA STRUCTUR OF 3ITHER THE COSMOS WICH IZ A MAGAZI3N WITH SCANTLY CLADDED WOM3NZ OR THA KNOWIN SUBJ3CT!!!!11!!” sed D3rridina f3rvently.

“LI3K WATEVER” s3d Ron. He wuz kinda dum.

Th3 onely oth3r kewl thing that happ3nd wuz went ha fake woops we don’t kno that y3t I meen Moody turnt Malf0y in2 a farret wich iz a animle n bounced hum.

Hagred mad3 Hary n R0n n stuff do a speriment ware thay had 2 have sex with tha blast end3d screwz wich iz big lobst3r thingz with clawz n stingz n sucky thingz n rite a rep0rt n R0n sed ‘IM N0T HAVIN S3X WIT THOS3 THINGZ THERE EEW” f3rvently.

“M3 NEETH3R LETZ JUST MAK3 SUMTHIN UP” sed Hary f3rvently.

“THATZ CHEETIN WICH IZ BAD” s3d Miney f3rvently.

N tha first thing in tha tourman3nt wuz a sekrit but Hargid toled Hary it wuz draguns n som3on3 als0 told Flore n Krum n D3rridina knowd it cuz she kn3w stuff n sh3 n Hary t0ld Cedrick.

N wen tha day c0med thay had t0 git tha g0lden egg from tha dragenz n everyone was scairt ecept Derridina cuz sh3 knu draginz wuz just misund3rsto0d. S0 Hary tricked hiz dragun n Fl00r n Krum curst thare dragonz but D3rridina tam3d the dragon by li3k doin its hair n nalez n stuff s0 tha dragon maked frendz with h3r n give h3r tha egg.

N th3n thay had tha Yul3 Ball n Hary wuz dum n w3nted out with Pervati cuz h3 didn’t kno h3 n D3rridina w3re denstined n R0n wuz even dummer I m33n itz s0 li3k todally ovious he n Miney r gonna get t0geth3r but he gooted some 0ther gurl n wuz a lamer n tha grrl’z 3yeshad0w like suck3d n h3r dres wuz like crap no 0ne warez that anym0re its s0 last w33k d00d n C3dric wuz with Ch0 wh0 Hary thinked he wuz in l0v with n Flore wuz with pretty much al tha Weezy guies n Krum wuz with Min3y n I think thay did s3x cuz Miney gots her s3xuality waked by tha blast 3nd screwz n im not sure wy sh3 wuz s0 poplar cuz h3r har3 wuz like s0 n0 way im s0ry but u n3ver kno with guies thay d0nt kno hare n this paragraph gots cutt3d by tha nu t33cher ho thinx hez a hotsh0t but hez reely a lam3.
 
N Winky joint Elv-an0n wich cur3d h3r of bein a drunkerd wich iz someone hoo iz drunk.
N tha s0-call3d C0unt t33cher summened Derradina 2 hiz offis n sed “IM GUNNA STOP U FRUM MUCKIN UP HOGWERTZ WIT UR BIG 3GO. U R A RISIBL3 FANFIC CLICHÉ WICH IZ LAM3. S0 IM DAT3RMINED UR N0T IN THA REST A THE C0NTEST.”

Derridina laugh charmingly n sed “U CANT ST0P ME UR S3LF-INS3RTION IN THA NARATIV SUX IVE D0NED LOADZ A KEWL STUF N U DIDN’T D0 ANYTHIN CUZ U SUX.”

N he s3d “50 POINTZ FRUM DERRIDINAD0R” wich wuz D3rridinaz hous3 n I f0rg0t 2 say that earli3r n she sed “ONLY DUMMYD0R CAN TAK3 POINTZ FRUM M3” but it turnt 0ut tha nu teacher cud 2 wich iz unfare. But 2 maek up 4 it thay letted Derridina cum 2 staf meetinz n maek r00lz about 3ye shad0w. Thay shudda maed h3r a t3acher she r00lz f3rvently.


PART 2