THE QUEST FOR SAURON'S DIARY

II.Bozo is Even More Bored; Fred Faints

III. Barves Are Jerks

The girl didn't turn up yet. The insufferably hearty guy led the
brothers to a Barf village with some boring name or other. "Ho, ho,
etc.!" he said. "We have to meet the Barf in a scuzzy bar."

"Cool," said Fred. "But where are all the women?"

"There aren't any," said Bozo. "If you ask me, Barves were a bad
idea; but I didn't invent the genre."

They went through some backstreets till they reached the scuzzy bar.
A bunch of people were killing each other, but the companions ignored
them and headed for a table where a sodden Barf was seated alone,
drinking.

"Ho, ho ..." began Bluff.

"Shut the f**k up," said the Barf.

"Grumpy?" inquired Bozo.

"We need you to go on a ..." the BHG tried again.

"Screw you losers," said the Barf.

"You be polite, or I'll beat you up!" yelled Fred.

"Don't bother," said Bozo. "He can't help it, he's written that way."

"Give me lots of moolah, now," said the Barf. "BTW I'm Dork Lumpen."

"We knew that," said Bozo.

"Why should we give you moolah, you jerk?" asked Fred.

"Ye need me heln," said the Barf.

"Not really," said Bozo. "You're pretty expendable. But this
chapter's boring the Shades out of me, so let's get a move on." They
did.

chapter iv. who gets the girl?