teunc.org Stories
Holmes
Sherlock
 
The Adventure of the Curious Balrog
 

I opened the door and let in Lestrade. The official detective was attired in a pea-jacket and cravat, which gave him a decidedly nautical appearance, and he carried a black canvas bag in his hand. With a short greeting he seated himself, and lit the cigar that had been offered him.
  "What's up, then?" asked Holmes, with a twinkle in his eye. "You look dissatisified."
  "And I feel dissatisfied. It is this infernal Humphries case. I can make neither head nor tail of it."
  "Really?"
  "I have searched high and low."
  "And very wet it seems to have made you", said Holmes, laying his hand upon the arm of the pea-jacket.
  "Yes, I have been dragging the Serpentine."
  "In heaven's name, what for?"
  "In search of the body of the Balrog, Mr Humphries."   Sherlock Holmes leaned back in his chair and laughed heartily.   "Have you dragged the basin of the Trafalgar-square fountain?" he asked.   "Why? What do you mean?"
  "Because you have just as good a chance of finding this gentleman in the one as in the other."
  Lestrade shot an angry glance at my companion. "I suppose you know all about it", he snarled.
  "Yes, I do believe that my mind is made up."
  "Oh, indeed! Then you think that the Serpentine plays no part in the matter?"
  "I think it very unlikely."
  "Then perhaps you will kindly explain how it is that we found this in it?" He opened his bag as he spoke, and tumbled on to the floor a black morning-coat and a pair of fluffy pink slippers. "There", said he, putting a new wedding ring upon the top of the pile. "There is a little nut for you to crack, Master Holmes."
  "Oh indeed", said my friend, blowing blue rings into the air. "You dragged them from the Serpentine?"
  "No. They were found floating near the margin by a park-keeper. They have been identified as Mr Humphries' clothes, and it seemed to me that if the clothes were there the body would not be far off."
  "By the same brilliant reasoning, every man's body is to be found in the neighbourhood of his wardrobe. Speaking of wardrobes, I suggest you take a look in mine before you jump to conclusions."
  Lestrade stared at my friend with something near to pity or fear. "Are you insane, Mr Holmes?" said he. "I am a busy man." He rose and said: "I believe I must be taking my leave."
  "Very well, Inspector. Still, could you not, out of a regard for our experiences in the past, take a look in my wardrobe before you go?"   Lestrade hesitated, with his gaze broodingly fixed on Holmes' inscrutable countenance. "Very well", said he, with a shrug of the shoulders. "If it makes you happy, I will oblige you. But I'm convinced you should seek the medical advise of someone more at home with diseases of the mind than our friend Watson here." He flung open the door of the wardrobe, half turned to go, and then, as the contents of the wardrobe became manifest to his mind, fell backwards on to the floor with a scream.
  "There, there", said Holmes, as we helped him up. "Have you never seen a woman before?"
  Gibbering, Lestrade pointed at that which had been revealed to him. Inside the wardrobe, tied hand and foot, sat a Balrog in a pink frock, breathing fire through its nostrils.
  "Yes, Lestrade", said Holmes. I'm afraid that you, not to mention the Honourable Violet St. Simon, the bride-to-be, have fallen victim to the notorious Miss Humphries, the infamous adventuress and male impersonator. Her plan was to tie up her bride on the wedding night, steal the famous St. Simon emeralds and make her escape in cover of the night. Once she learned that I was on the case she cancelled that plan, of course, but she would have eluded the law if Watson and I had not ambushed her in the vicinity of Peter Pan's statue as soon as she had dressed into proper female attire and could be decently arrested. Her plan to gain an undisturbed night cracking open the safe in the St. Simon residence was indeed cunning!"   "But why did she disappear and once more dress as a woman?" cried the astounded Lestrade.
  "She realized that the game was up the moment the newspapers mentioned that I had been entrusted with investigating the rumours of a burglary, *and* that 'Mr' Humphries favoured pink fluffy bedroom slippers. Since the press was informed about her slippers, it was obvious that I, the most inveterate newspaper reader in Southern Britain, must also be, and that I would draw the proper conclusion in awareness of the fact that no male Balrog would dream of having slippers any other colour than deep blue. She had no opportunity to make her escape until she was alone, and informally dressed, in the bridal chamber. But the moment Miss St. Simon went to the bath-room, she slipped away." Holmes laughed grimly.
  "I know nothing about the colour of Balrogs' slippers", protested Lestrade in humiliation.
  "Tut, tut, my dear fellow - there are not five men in London who do", said Holmes with a dismissive gesture of his long, white hand. "However, I have written a  little monography about the footwear of Balrogs, so for me it was an easy matter. Please tell your men to remove your prisoner, Inspector, and think naught of taking the credit for this arrest! I'm afraid we can't accompany you; Watson and I have a box for 'Les Huguenots'. Have you heard Hildebrandsen, the famous Norwegian? No? Well, then, in that case I promise to give you a reliable review of his performance tonight the next time you seek me out with one of your little problems."
 
Öjevind Lång

teunc.org Stories
More Holmes:
The Hanging Man ] Interpreting the Tracks ] The Cardboard Box ] The Incredible Jumping Man ] How Did He Get It Back? ] What Does the "F" Stand For? ] Why the Bodies Never Were Found ] Where Did the Stone Come From? ] The Adventure of the Disappearing Troll ] The Pointy-eared League ] The Lamedon Vampire ] A Question of Ownership ] Yellow Faces ] The Case of the Over-sized Hobbit ] The Discovery ] The Crock of Gold ] The Adventure of Fëanor's Old Place ] The Flame of Udûn ] The Heiress ] [ The Adventure of the Curious Balrog ] South Weathertop ] At the "Admiral Falastur" ] The Adventure of the Unwanted Immigrant ] The Final Problem ]