Herewith a selection of the correspondence between TOLKIEN and our CEO, Mr. Morambar "Moruggers" Udunvagor, edited by Baron Bogusz.
2 June, 1937
My dear Moruggers,
I'm writing from the spaceship I constructed in order to get away, for I am sick to death of Edith. Imagine, Edith is too dumb to know what a space-suit is! And she's such a nag. "You never take me anywhere," Edith whinged as I departed. I'm not sure why I married her in the first place, since I find her almost as alluring as a frigid sowbug.
yours,
Tollers
4 June, 1937
My dear Tollers, I'd be careful about contracting any interplanetary diseases if I were you.Especially since some of these planets have evil government-run death panels.
yours,
Moruggers
7 June, 1937
My dear Moruggers,
Not you, too! Enough nagging. I'll be fine. I've been inspired lately. The vacuum sucked my cow out of the pool-ship. The cow floated right over the moon and disappeared. Now, that's an inspiration for a poem! After finishing the poem, I next observed the rings > of Saturn, and thought they were inspirational as well. Then I saw a black hole with a weird kind of sentient tachyon particle called a hobbit. It told me that the Labour Party is disgusting. I couldn't disagree.
yours,
Tollers
3 December, 1938
My Dear Moruggers,
So nice to hear from you. Now what were you saying about Elves again? They remind me a lot of the Primrose Club. And alszo of the proud Magyars, my anczesztorsz! Eljen!
yrs,
Tollers
10 December, 1938
My Dear Tollers,
AllElves are members of the House of Lords.
yrs
Moruggers
18 December, 1938
My Dear Moruggers,
I don't remember what I wrote in my last letter. I must have been having a blackout.
yrs,
Tollers
19 December, 1938
My Dear Moruggers,
So, the Moriquendi were a bit like the Labour Party, were they?
Oh, and what colours did hobbits like again? Orange and lime-green, was it?
yrs,
Tollers
21 April, 1939
My dear Tollers,
I just read the last chapter you sent me. I think it is a bad idea to name the Lord of Rivendell Francond. I am aware of how much you revere the Generalissimo, but if you want to write an classic, people should be able to instantly "get" your allegories even when Franco is long dead and forgotten.
Don't forget to shower,
yrs,
Moruggers
4 May, 1939
My Dear Moruggers,
OK, I've changed it to El Caudillond. They should get that. Death to democracy, anyway. The tobacco produced in authoritarian states is always better.
yrs,
Tollers
13 May, 1939
My Dear Moruggers,
I've decided to create a donkey hero named Trotter. He frees the capitalists from the trammels of the welfare state.
yrs,
Tollers
15 May, 1944
My dear Tollers,
Twenty years hence, a dread and awesome BEING will be born on this day.
yrs,
Moruggers
29 May, 1956
My dear Tollers,
It's amazing how well I can see the hidden meaning of your text!
Feeding poor only leads to moral corruption, cannibalism does not! That's why Frodo would forgive Wormtongue
for eating Lotho, but always despised the Cottons for donating food to Gaffer!
yrs,
Moruggers
12 June, 1956
My dear Moruggers,
Thank you for your interesting letter. I must, however, say that your interpretation is a bit a blinding light that is greater than my original words. It transcends truth and yet, somehow, IS truth! Please bear this in mind.
Yrs,
Tollers