School of Menacing Looks and Frog Pills (SMLFP)
Welcome, children, to the dominion of Horus. Thy minds will rot with the wisdom he imparteth.
All FATS students are required to take at least one course in the Ministry of Mincing Walks and one course in the Department of Horology. SMLFP majors are required to take all courses in both departments, and to meet all requirements of oth.
(See also Horus's Commentary.)
Ministry of Mincing Walks
Requirements: Burn this heretic! and go boldly forth where no man went before, subdue the desks and turn all the demons into Teletubbies. If female, you must dance naked in front of the pyre. We will examine you! Repent, ere it is too late. I have already ordered a box of white ferrets to deal with you.
Courses in this department are taught by Horus Engels and include:
Introduction to Being Brutally Grank
Tolkien and the Ankh
Writhing on Writing Desks
Improper Ingestion of Frogs
Fear! Fire! Foes!
Hellhounds.whorehounds.com
Rants on Um, Beats Me
The Horitorium, Seat of Horus
Department of Horology
This department is chaired by Horus Engels' son Harpocrates Engels, and is given over to the wissenschaftlich textual analysis of Dr. Engels's utterances. In addition to taking and passing all courses offered by the department, majors shall write a thesis addressing and resolving a hitherto unanswered question arising from Horus Engels's textual output. Please, no clever literary theories or high-flown flights of fancy. Ths is a serious department, and students not expert in Lachmann's method need not enroll.
Courses include:
Horus Engels' Use of the Comma
The 14 Differences between Redactions A and B of "On Tolkien's Composition"
Original and Later Conceptions of "An old rat with big ears and a long, scaly tail"
The Stains on "So! We meet again, Menelvagor! And you still haven't abjured your blue beaver, I see. Instead, you have dipped it in lycergic acid and taught it to speak Finnish."
