TOLKIEN Research-Oriented Legal Lyceum (TROLL) is hosted by and a wholly owned subsidiary of FATS. Although the law is what FATS says it is, for as TOLKIEN pointed out, "what pleases FATS Administration has the force of law", yet there is fun in quibbling and objecting for its own sake; and when we take over the world, we'll need someone to tell people what we told them to do. Not to mention the dough to be made from fees and the appearance of legitimacy to practices and decisions whose sole purpose is to help the powerful get even more powerful--which is, of course, a noble goal; but there are unfortunately a lot of filthy little democrats crawling around. And after all, complexity is no contradiction to the arbitrary.
TROLL has two divisions: Civil Law and Uncivil Law. Civil Law is the specialty of Adultera Cheater, Professor of Law. Dean of FATS Legal Institute for the Purpose of Practical Applications of the Norms of Tolkien (FLIPPANT), which is devoted to Civil Law and emphasizes the ways in which TOLKIEN's ethics impinge upon the law. Dr. Cheater learnt in childhood the important skill of getting away with stuff on a technicality, e.g. turning the cookie jar upside down and emptying its contents onto the table does not constitute "taking cookies out of the cookie jar". She honed this skill through the analysis and discussion of TOLKIEN'S works on the Internet. She encourages her students to lie and cheat, always provided that they can find a legal justification for doing so. Her best-known and most successful student is Strawman.
Uncivil Law is taught in the Juristic Educational Research Consortium (JERC) by Dr. Loudon Eccher, a learned sponge whose expertise in adversarial procedure dates from birth. His first words were "I sue you", followed closely by "objection". He sued his father for not giving him an expensive enough Nintendo set, and his mother because the plankton sandwich took too long and didn't meet standards; he sued his siblings both for not letting him use their toys and for using his toys without written permission. For Christmas, he usually gave subpoenas; if he didn't like the present, he destroyed it and then sued the giver. Having been introduced to TOLKIEN by his nephew the Viceregent Jellyfish, he went on to work at FATS because no other organisation met his standards (and not because no one else could stand him, as has been claimed by scurrilous rumour mongers). Whereas Dr. Cheater uses Lord of the Rings to find legal technicalities that make what is vulgarly considered bad look good, Dr. Eccher simply sues anyone who disagrees; thanks to his passion and commitment, several soi-disant TOLKIEN experts have (yes, speech recognition; common auxiliary verbs are so difficult, aren't they) landed behind bars. Species. Stu2dents who receive bad grades risk getting slapped with a lawsuit. Dr. Eccher is now the 3021st most popular professor at FATS.
REQUIRED COURSES
Escalator Clause: You'd Better Be Ready to Pay 300 Times What You Took Out in Student Loans
Introductory Quibbling
Codex Tolkieniensis and Lex Eldarium
Interpretation and Construction, Especially the Latter
Expungement: Getting Rid of Inconvenient Texts
Adversarial Procedure
Advanced Yelling
Ainulindalatio
CIVIL LAW COURSES
Breach of Marriage Practicum
Who Owns the Shire? Jus Soli Periannage
Constitutional Law Is Easy, So Let's Have an Intimate Session Instead
Who Cares if Finwe's Second Marriage Was Valid?
Whereas
Lorien Dwarf Law and the Gimli Exception
Champignon Champerty: Shire Mushroom Law
Fideicommissum Atanatar
Frodo's Fronung
Mordor Law: Deliciously Delictuous Infamy
Stoorprium
Si Man i Yulma Nin Vestigii Miatio
Ai Lasse Lantar Lenocinium
Dolus Amroth
Zenzelinus Zirakzigilensis' Zany Zeugmata
Let's Discuss Ownership of Silmarils in a Dark Room
UNCIVIL LAW COURSES
Shut Up When I'm Talking I, II, III, IV, V, VI, etc.
Mortal Combat
Lying about TOLKIEN Is Illegal, Dork
Erendis Should Have Stopped Whining and Sued
Yeah, Morgoth-Worship Was Legal under Ar-Pharazon--So What
Lese TOLKIEN Sucks, and So Do Your Essays
What Part of "I Am Not a Democrat" Do You Not Understand
Multi Sunt Advocati, sed Umbar Dumbar
Enough Numenorean Nuncupative Nonsense
The Legal Basis for Lotho's Rules Was Cherrystone Clams
Hostes Tolkienii: Shoot to Kill
Ingwe's Infortiatum, Ignoramuses
Radical Sanation Means You'd Better Have My Office Spotless Within an Hour
The Mouth of Sauron's Standing in International Law Was Nil