Wat3rshop liek t0dally Mall d00dz

 

 

 

A colleagu3 ask3d me:

I dont g0t a list cuz bein organiz3d iz s0 straight whit3 mael n id3ntity iz fluid cuz wh3n u chang3 ur harestyl3 ur t0dally a n3w u n liek Gandalf wuz Saruman as he sh0ulda b33n u know????/??// witch meanz he had t0dally a b3tter fashi0n sens3 ev3n if gr3y iz kinda lam3 at l3ast it do3snt clash n Sarumans many c0lors t0dally did but here it iz but then Ill probly undercut tha list by d0in tha charcters (sp) t0dally diff3rent then I did tham LOL WTF OMG!!!111!

 

Hazl3 iz teh l3ader hez t0dally Gr3at Whiet Fath3r ukn0w f3arl3ss l3ader n stuf witch kinda validat3s p0wer strucutres by makin th3m l00k kewl 3ven if thats kinda und3rmined in the beginnin cuz he acts dumb. Probly wares glass3s n sp00nerz a l0t. I b3t he d0es TQM too. Hez dilp0matty.

Fiv0r haz psychic p0werz n kn0ws wh3n bad stuf iz g0nna happ3n. G0es emo a l0t. Hez a bit ess3ntialist liek 0rganiz3d religi0n only hez als0 kinda marxous.

Blackb3rry hez smart n inv3nts stuff what a whiet mael n3rd.

Bigwig hez OK som3timez a bit of a bully cuz hez patriarkal he wuz in teh 0wlsa thos3 r éliets liek cheifs a stuff n Chamb3r of Comics n 0ther straight whiet mal3s but the chief rabbit g0tted POed at him n s0 he wuz liek WUT-EV-AH D00D n jont the qewl pe0ple. Hiz nom d3 guerr3 iz Tayl0r.

Silv3rz kinda liek Bigwig but n0t as kewl n Butth3ads liek b0th a them 0nly dumber I dunno if he c0mez in tha st0ry or n0t.

Pippin iz qyoot.

Hockey Ac0rn n Sp33do r liek s000000 dumb.

Capn H0lly iz a wowsla 0ffic3r wares unif0rm 0r els3 tux n hez liek t0dally conf0rmist n squar3 n b3longz 2 teh r0tary club but hez n0t bad.

C0wslop pr3tendz 2 be way qewl n artistic but hez rilly bad n a s3llout 2 the Man. Luckily hez n0t 1 of us hiz earz r s000 lam0r.

Strawb3rry useta be liek Catsup 0nly ev3n artier but he turnt g00d n iz n0w aw3s0me n hiz th3ory iz just s0000 0ff-off-0ff-0ff-off-Br0adway rilly.

Eel Ohara iz a anci3nt rob0t her0 hez kinda carnival3sque liek in Bakhtien ykn0w?????/??// LOL n hiz right-paw rarebit iz Ratscutter.

Frith iz th3ir main g0d n liek r3ifies theyre n0rmz n stuf.

Derridandelion iz t0dally way qewl n aw3s0me n rox0r n has s3cond sight n her harestylez r liek Captin Veg sez a wOW n sh3 the0ries liek Figgy-lev3l kewl n sh3z teh only femael f0r m0sta tha st0ry cuz robbits r s3xist but sh3z s000 t0dally brilliant thay c0uldnt l3ave her b3hind. N she r00lz OMG!!!!1!!111  Derridanskaya iz s00 her nom d3 plum3 d00dz.

Blueb3ll wh0 keeps jokin n iz ev3n m0re carnival3sque then Eel Ohare t0daly puncturin pret3nsi0ns d00d.

Gen3ral Woundmartov wh0z bad liek Stalin 0r Sarah Palin n warez unif0rmz but there way lamer th3n H0llyz cuz hez a dicater of Alfalfa.

Blackharov wh0z a fam0us physicist n hes 0ppressed f0r havin opini0nz

Hazawatha 0r Heehee s0methinz oppr3ssed cuz shez a d0ugh n shes po3tic n has deep th0ughts 2 undermin3 the systam.

Kmarts a bird cuz us rabbots turnz multiculteral n t0daly embrac3s div3rsity n hes G3rman which mak3s it ev3n mor3 multicultural which iz way kewl.

Clovis n Boxer n Hayseed n Lam0r n Com3t n Vix3n r slave robots who liv3 in a cag3 till thay gits freed s0 the mael rarebits can haev s3x wit s0meone 0ther then Derridandalyon she gits t0daly sick 0f it d00dz. 0nly Lam0r was conditi0ned n gotted co-opt3d by the humans s0 he stays in tha hutch but hes a guy anyways s0 the rabbits r liek WHATEVAR.

Capn Chevrolet or Chevvy wuz Bigwigs b0ss in Africa n hiz s3c0nd c0mmand Av0n.

Capn Capn iz a big Alfalfra owslifer thats offic3r n hes kewl cuz hes liek op3n 2 othar cultur3s.

Snowdrov is W0undwortovs smart3st advis3r.

Nellyhahas a Alfalfa d0e n shez kinda immatur3 d00dz n shez liek I R0X0R CUZ IM HANGIN 0UT WIT TH3 KEWL SET n she acts lik3 shes all that n t0dally subv3rsiev but she s000000000 just reinforc3s s0cial structuers d00dz.

Thesisthang iz an0ther do3 friend 0f Heehees0methin.

0ther officerz liek Grend3l or Groundsky wh0 ev3ntually def3cts n Mallot0v wh0s dead n  Bartsia thats teh Hraka police d00d n Vermin hes bad n0 valu3 judgem3nt intendad LOL.

Lucy iz human but g00d acc0rdin 2 rabbot ethics which meanz DONT KILL US.

Pseud0boy iz my b0ss hes cool but kinda ann0yin.

 

 

Chapter 1. FIV0R IZ EM0 S0 RABBITS TURN POSTC0L0NIAL

Derridandelion was consid3red the qewlest rabbit ev3r cuz h3r earsyl3s wuz liek w0w. S0me b*tch3d that sh3 wuznt r3ally a rabbit witch is s0 lam3 n speci3sist cuz identity iz t0dally mall3able LOL OMG u can writ3 urself 2 be wutev3r speci3s iz qewl thats why T0lkine wuzzed a tree.

Anywayz Derridandelion hunged 0ut with hAZ3L N HIZ FRI3NDZ oops i hit capsl0ck that calls in2 questi0n graphic conv3ntionz n her frendz sed sh3 wuz dumb 2 hang 0ut with th3m cuz they wuz s0 n0t the in cr0wd witch wuz H0lly cuz he wor3d military unif0rmz n militarizm wuz so in but Derridandelion s3d that wuz just r3inforce pow3r structur3z WTF OMG LOL n that sux cuz li3k F0ucault sez wuttever. N Fiv3r Haz3l'z br0th3r com3z n iz todally way emo n is liek ZOMG WH0AH WER3 ALL G0MMA DI3 LOL D00DZ WE G0TTA L3AVE.

N Derridandelion sez FIX3D IDENTITI3S N ESS3NTIALISM SUX SO YEAH.

N Haz3l tak3d th3m 2 see th3 chi3f rabbit n sez Y0 CHEIF RABBI D00D MY BR0THER LIEK PROPH3CIES STUF LIEK WH3N EV3RY0NE START3D DY3IN THEYR3 CLAWS TURQU0IS3 N LISSEN 2 PSYCHAD3LIC RABBIT S0UNDZ N HE SAYZ BAD STUF IZ G0NNAS HAPP3N n Fiv3r g0tted emo n liek wh0ah he sez LIKE WHOAH THIS IZ SERI0US ANGSTY.

N ch3if rob0t sez THAT SUX BUT GETTIN 3VRY0NE OUTA THA WARR3N IZ A BUMM3R S0 WUTEVER D00D N BIGWIG WH0D BR0UGHT TH3M IN CUZ HE WUZ OWLZA THAT MEANS POWAR STRUCTEURZ U R A LAM3R 4 BRINGIN TH3SE JERX.

N Derridandelion sez SHUT UP OLD MAN U R DUMB CUZ I WUZ PR0SECUT3D 4 BEIN HALF-BL00D WITCH GIV3D ME INSIGHT N FOUCAULT IZ SO U SO I KN0W FIVEZ RIGHT n they g0tted a buncha rarebits 2 leave.

N Capn H0lly who wuz kinda 3stablishm3nt n w0red suitz n w3nt 2 borin meetinz n had secr3tariez bring c0ffee n stuf sez BIGWIG U SUX U R UND3R A R3ST.

NO U R N0T CUZ WH3N I WUZ CAPTU3RD BY HUMANZ 4 BEIN A RABIT OF TH3 21ST CENTURY WH0 TH0UGHT SHE WUZZED ORDINARY I LEARNT MARTIAN ARTS n H0lly sez wuttev3r s0 they went.

 

 

Chapt3r 2. MYTH0LOGI3S R METANARRATIEV

Th3 rob0tz trav3lled n life suxed a bit.

N0w Derridandelion wuzzed todally brilliant ab0ut narrativ3 stuf s0 the rabbits sez TELL US AB0UT TH3 BLESSIN 0F 33L-OHARA. 0hara wuz th3 rarebit h3ro n wuz way qewwl.

"OK Frith wuz th3 sun g0d n maded all th3 animalz n bl3ssed tham LOL in vari0us st3reotypic ess3ntialist wayz cuz this st0ry t0dally us3s anci3nt myth0logi3s that c0me frum the fact tha anci3nt N3ar 3ast measur3d w3alth in cam3lz n stuf ..." sed Derridandelion.

WTF THATS N0T H0W THA ST0RY GOEZ U R SUBV3RTIN WUT 0UR ANTSEST3RZ SED sed Bigwig wh0 wuz kewl but a littl3 fascius.

ST0P H3GEMONIZIN D00D THE ANTEASTERZ WUZ A BUNCH A DWEMZ S0 SHUT UP sed Derridandelion. "N 33l 0hara hid cuz he knude Frit made pow3r stutcur3z t0dally pr0- elil witch iz aminals that 3at rarebit n Frit s3d U R A LAM3R N UR PARADIGM IZ S0 OUTMOD3D.

NO URZ IZ N U CAN BL3SS MY BUT sed 0hara. LOL

OK CUZ U R A A-BLANK ANYWAYZ sed Frit n thats why rabbits runz away frum my lectuerz 0n postc0lonialism."

Then tha rabbitz lit3rally had a pissin c0ntest 0n if Frith exists or n0t. Th3n b0rin stuf happ3ned thay cam3 to a riv3r n tha strait wit3 mal3 rabbits w3re t00 dumb 2 kn0w ab0ut boats cuz they just sit n watch sp0rts all day exc3pt Blackberry wh0 later inv3nt3d PDAz s0 robots c0uld t3xt 3ach 0ther ab0ut eldils wh0 said PUT FIV3R N PIPPIN WH0 WUZ A PUNY RABBIT BUT QY00T N LATER DID ADS CUZ P3OPLE LIEK LIEK BUYIN STUF WITH CUT3 ANIMALS ON BITS 0F W00D N PUSH TH3M ACR0S THA RIV3R n no 0ne g0t it acept Derridandelion wh0 made sur3 tha bits a w00d wer3 colour-c00rdanated cuz wh0 wants 2 cr0ss a riv3r 0n tacky w00d n Hag3l sed OK D00DZ JUST SWIM s0 th3 f0x 0r what3ver c0uldnt g3t th3m. B3in h3gemoniz3d by predit0rs sux.

Then they wuz in a m00r 0r sumthin n all w3nt t0dally emo n Hobbit sez THIS SUX WEV3 HAD MOR3 THEN ANOUGH A THIS CRAP n Hazz3l sed YEAH WUUTTEVER BUT IM A P0LITICIAN S0 ILL T3LL U WHAT U WANNA HEAR n Bigwig g0tted fascest agin n sez U SUX CUZ WERE TH3 POW3R STRUCKERS NOW n thay hadded anoth3r strate whit3 mael pissin c0ntest n Derridandelion sez UR P0WER RITUALZ SUX U 0W3 HEG3L UR ALLEGIONS BUT N0T CUZ POWER STRUCK BUT CUZ H3Z QEWL. s0 they shutted up.

 

 

Chapt3r 3. ART IZ A LULZ

Th3n thay gots 2 a feild it rox0red with way kewl grass n st0p imp0sin ur human tast3s on tha narative they made s0me burr0ws but th3y wuz kinda lam3 exc3pt Derridandeli0ns wich had aw3s0me Figgy p0st3rz but ev3n that wuz far frum bein h3r best w0rk cuz her sec0nd sight telled h3r thay w0uldnt stay l0ng. N the rob0ts were like OH W0W.

S00n this t0dally art col0ny rabbit drest in lav3nder wit a ber3t c0mez n sez Y0 DOODZ U WANNA J0IN OUR WARR3N ITS T0DALLY CUTTIN 3DGE N ABOLISH3S C0NVENTI0NZ N THES3 HOL3S U DUG URSELF R C00L BUT LETS FAC3 IT KINDA LAM3 IM CATSUP.

IM MUSTERD sed Bigwig wh0 feelt sarcastic. Catsup lolled THATS A LULZ he sez.

NO THAYRE BAD sed Fiv3r wh0 had intuitin n wuz in a m00d.

ITS TRU3 MY S3COND SIGHT SEZ THERE ASTHETIC COV3RZ UP BAD POW3R STRUCTEURZ KINDA LIEK POSTMODERNIZM IZ A ASTHATIC N RELIES ON IMAG3S!!!1! OMG WTF LOL THE FASCISTS RELEID ON IMAEGS!!!!1!1!1!!11 OMG LOL BUT THES3 RABBITS W0ULD MAK3 A T0DALY AW3S0ME THESIS T0PIC is liek D3rridandali0n.

OK WE'LL GO CUZ THES3 HOL3Z SUCX ST0P BEIN A LAM0R FIV0R sed Haz3l.

S0 thay g0ed n tha warr3n wuz t0daly Sidn3y 0pera Hous3 only it wuz bright n3on.

THIS IZ S0 N0T RABBIT D0 THAY SING LIEK BIRDZ sed Bigwig.

D0NT BE S0 ESS3NTIALIST D00D sed Derridandeli0n.

Tha rabb0ts greet3d tham by braekdancin but Derridandeli0n wuz teh 0nly on3 of 0ur rabbits wh0 kn0wed how 2 braekdanc3 the 0therz sed WTF.

Y0 D00DZ WER3 SENDIN UP HUMAN GREETINS sed Catsup.

YEAH sed a nuther rob0t wh0 wored a bright chartr3use bathr0be with mauv3 p0lka dots IM STRAWB3RRY N IM T0DALLY A CONN0ISSEUR OF ART STUF N CUBIZM IZ SO FOR HAREZ. THIS IZ MY D0UGH THATS A GIRL RAREBIT NOLDOHAIR n Holdohaire wh0 wared a 0range l3ather bikini n did h3r earz 2 l00k liek Figgy sed y0.

N Derridandeli0n lolled cuz art iz kewl n asthetics qewler but th3se d00dz wuz t0dally way 0verdoin it.

N Strawb3rry guid3d tour3d tham arr0und tha warr3n n sh0wed th3m a buncha rox mad3 2 l00k liek Eel 0hara stealin l3ttus. THIS IS S0 KLIMT sed Derridandeli0n.

YEAH ITS 0LD BUT IC0NIC N T0URIST PAY L0TSA D0UGH 2 SEE IT N GIT REPLICAS SOM3TIEMS COMM0DIFICATI0N IS KEWL said Strawb3rry.

WTF sed Hazz3l who wuz t0dally b0rgeois.

 

 

Chapt3r Todally 4 OMG WTF LOL W3 CAN D0 A3STHETIC STUFF 2 U KN0W

THAT WUZ KEWL WHER3S THA BATRH00M sed Derridandelion.

I PREF3R DADA ALTH0UGH ITS KINDA OBVIOUS sez Strawb3rry.

YEAH BUT WHEREZ ... begunned Derridandelion, but Strawbs int3rrupted h3r n sed HUSS3RL IS KINDA A BOR3.

IZ NOT CUZ PH3NOM3NOLOY ROOLZ WHEREZ sed Derridandelion.

I G0TTA PEE BY3 sed Straw n wended away.

S0me of 0ur rabies goed 0utside 2 eat (si1f1ay). Catnip lolled n sed LULZ cuz the Catnip warr3n didnt 3at 0ut in tha rain cuz thay wuz wusses. Haz3l didnt kn0w wut lollin is cuz h3 wuz b0urgeois n bourg3ois haz n0 sens3 a hum0ur cuz hum0ur subv3rts stuf liek Bakhtin3 sez th0ugh thats kinda 0ld.

THEES RABITS R W3IRD sed Bigwig.

THAY D0NT ANSW3R QUESTI0NS WITCH SH0WS THAT D3SPITE THERE T0DALLY MUCH VAUNT3D AVANT-GARDIZM THAYRE R3ALLY IMP0SIN P0WER STRUCTERS N MAUVAIS3 F0I N STUF CUZ THAY DONT L3T US MIS3 THAM EN QUESTI0N WTFOMG sed Derridandelion.

WUHT D0 U THINK PIGPEN sed Hag3l.

THAYRE NIC3 BUT SAD T0DALLY TREEZ IN NOVEMB3R sed Piggy wh0 wuz qyoot.

D0NT IMP0SE WEST3RN HUMAN TIM3 C0NCEPTS 0N RABIT CULTUR3 D00D sed Derridandelion.

WHAT3VER sed Pigpen.

Y3AH BUT WH0 CAREZ THAY SH0WED US H0W 2 CARRY CARR0TS IN 0UR M0UTHZ THAT ROX sed Hass3l wh0 wuz 3asily impr3ssed.

THATS LAM3 U R LIEK D0GZ CARRYIN STYX THATS S0 N0T RAREBIT sed Fiv0r wh0 wuz feelin ess3ntialist just then. LOL.

SHUT UP U R A BABY U R C0MIN D0WN IN2 THA WARR3N WITH US CUZ MY P0WER STRUCTERS BIGG3R THEN URS sed Hazle.

So thay w3nt in2 the big b0rough ware all th3 rabbitz met it wuz don3 in art n0uveau liek th3 Paris m3tro but thay maked it m0re surr3alist wit hints a D3 Stijl n I g0tta admit it r0x0red.

LET HAZ3L T3LL U ALL TH3 KEWL STUF WE DID 0N TEH WAY HER3 sed Blackb3rry but Catsl0p n tha 0therz went t0dally in2 awkward sl3nce mod3 cuz thay didnt wanna h3ar ab0ut qewl stuf 0ther p3ople did.

ON SEC0ND TH0UGHT I'LL DEC0NSTRUCT THA STORY 0F ALI HARA ST3ALIN TEH KINGZ L3TTUCE sed Derridandelion.

QL sed C0wslip.

So Derridandelion sez:

"Th3re wuz this king nam3 End0rphin but w3'll just say King n h3 todally mon0polizes lettus liek copyright monotoniz3s th0ught thru c0mmodification n stuf n this st0ry has t0dally non-rabbit c0ncepts liek palac3s n stuf witch und3rcuts lapine ess3ntialiasm. N Eel Ohara (h3ncef0rth E3l) sez 2 R0bscuttel wh0 wuz s3cund in c0mand cuz robat s0ciety wuz t0dally hi3rarchal in th0se days PROP3RTY IZ LI3K S000 TH3FT N M0RALITY IZ EV0LVIN S0CIAL N0RMZ S0 IT W0ULD BE QEWL IF WE ST0LED KINGS LETTIS W3 CAN D0 WUT W3 WANT N I WANT 2.

SUER THING D00D sed Rabspittle.

So Rab w3nted 2 the Kings c0urt n sez TO ASK 0NESELF THE LIEK FOLLOWIN HIST0RICO-S3MANTIC QU3STION: "WHAT D0ES TEH NOTI0N OF GEN3SIS IN GEN3RAL, ON WH0SE OMG WTF BASIS THA HUSS3RLIAN DIFFRACTION COULD LIEK T0DALLY C0ME F0RTH AND BE UNDERSTOOD????/???? LOL MEAN, AND WHAT HAS IT ALWAYS M3ANT D00D? WHAT D0ES THE NOTI0N OF STRUCTURE N STUF IN G3NERAL, ON WHOS3 BASIS HUSS3RL OPARATES N OPERATES 2 THA MAX DISTINCTI0NZ BATWEEN 3MPIRICAL, 3IDETIC N LIEK S000 TRANSCEND3NTAL DIM3NSIONS M3AN N WHAT HAZ IT LIEK ALWAYS M3ANED THROUGH0UT ITS DISPLACEMENTS??????!!!!11!!!!11 OMG WTF LOL THIS IZ AW3S0MERELATI0NSHIP BATWEEN GEN3SIS N STRUCTUER IN GEN3RAL D00D?!!!1111!

N King g0tted a headach3. OUCH.

N Eel com3s n says IM A D0CTER I G0TS A PHD S0 I CAN 3XPLAIN H0W U G0T SICK.

QEWL sez King.

SH0W ME WUT U LAST ATED SEZ E3L.

S0 thye brought a lettus n E3l sez CECI N'EST T0DALLEMENT PAS A LETTUC3 D00D.

WTF sez King.

ITS N0T A LETTUSE ITS A C0NSTRUCT WITCH IZ LIEK A INSUBSANTIAL C0NCREET NO W0NDER UR SICK.

LIK3 T0DALLY sez King.

BUT L3TS PR0VE IT U G0TS ANY SURPLUS P0PULATIANS W3 CAN 3XPERIM3NT 0N WITCH UND3RCUTS HUMAN RIGHT BUT W3RE N0T HUMAN S0 WUTEVER????/??/ sez E3l.

YEAH W3 PRISON3ED A RAREBIT sez King. S0 thay g0tted Ratspitt3l fr0m tha prisin n E3l sez GRODY 2 TH3 MAX RABBIT 3AT THAT C0NSTUCT OMG WTF LOL!!!1111!!!!11

So Rob eatened th3 lettuc3 n beginz 2 c0nvulse n twitch n say rand0m stuf liek IF TEH ALT3RITY 0F THA 0THER IZ P0S3D THAT IS 0NLY P0SED WAS IST T0DALLY STRUKTURALISMUS D00D n he collaps n E3l iz liek THIS IZ LIEK PARTICULARLY D3ADLY 2 R0BATS CUZ THAYRE POM0 LOL SO L3TS GIV3 IT 2 THA RABIES S0 THAY DI3 N WE T0DALY KIL THR33 BIRDZ WIT 1 STOEN CUZ WE GITS RID A THA RABBITS N GITS RID OF THA C0NSTRACTS N G3T RID 0F TEH P0MO.

W0W AW3S0ME sed King. S0 thay sented th3 lettus 2 tha rabats wh0 sed YUM LIEK C0NSTRUCTS R00LZ D00DZ."

My n3xt chapt3r hasta wait a f3w days cuz i g0t this big conf3rence pap3r 0n epist0mliek0logy a harestyl3s iz my hare g00d? It w00d be s00000 3mbarasin 2 giev a sp33ch 0n hair wit bad hare it w00d maek my skollerly reputati0n liek nugee-dive rilly LOL n Im poppin bubll3gum thing at rand0m m0ments 2 liek call in2 qu3stion stright whiet mael standerdz 0f disc0ursin stuf n it k33ps wakin up teh att3ndeez s0 thay gotstas h3ar my d33p insights. WTF.

 

 

I f0rgit wut chapt3r Im 0n I think its 5. A3STHETICS G0T MANIPULATED 2 MAEK JERKS L00K QEWL S0 DONT BE FACIL3

THATS NIC3 sed Catsap but h3 sed it liek u do when u think ur girflri3ndz hairstyl3 sux but d0nt want 2 hurt her f33linz.

YEAH THAT OLD THE0RY STUFFS QEWL U G0TTA BELEIVE THAT DECON CRAP N TH3 REST T0DALLY FOLL0WS sed Strawberry.

Derridand3lion LOLLed n sez U 0NLY THINK UR AB0VE IT ALL KN0WIN WUTS KEWL IN LITCRIT IS S0 NOT TEH SAM3 AS BEIN A P0SEUR.

WUT DO U GUYZ THINK IZ QEWL sed Hazel wh0 wuz tryin 2 be diplam0t.

OH WERE ALL P0ST-P0ST-P0ST-STRUCTURALIST N0W sed Catsup. DEC0NSTRUCTIN TRADITIONAL MYTHS IS S0 LAST W33K N0T THAT UR GRRLFREINDS ST0RY WUZNT KINDA QEWL.

0UR FAV0RIET CRITIC IZ SILVERW33D HIZ CRITTER T0DALLY TRANSCENDZ LAPIN3 CATAGORI3S A TH0UGHT sed Strawb3rry.

LOL sed Derridand3lion.

S0 thay h3ard Sulph3rweed give a letcher n he wuz tryin 2 s0und d33p but cam3 out kinda lam0r:

THIS REALISTIC IMAEG, HOWEV3R, S0 DOES NOT CATCH AT ALL WHAT T0DLLY IS, BUT WHAT SH0ULD NOT BE WTF– DEATH AND MISERY - WHAT SH0ULD NOT EXIST, FR0M OUR LIEK M0RAL N HUMANISTIC P0INT OF OMG LOL!!!!111!!1 VIEW. OH LIEK TAKE M3 T0DALLY WIT Y0U I WILL B3 RAREBIT A THA HUMANISTICK D00D.

AND AT THE SAME TIEM MAKING A WAY ASTHETIC AND COMM3RCIAL, PERF3CTLY IMM0RAL USE AND ABUSE OF THIS MIS3RY N STUF. OH LIEK TAKE M3 T0DALLY WIT Y0U I WILL B3 RABBIT A THA IMM0RAL D00D. WTF

IMAEGS THAT ACTUALLY LIEK T3STIFY??/??? BEHIND THEIR S000000000 PRET3NDED "0BJECTIVITY", OF A DEEP D3NIAL OF THE REAL, RILLY, N OF AN 3QUAL DENIAL OF TEH IMAG3 - ASSIGN3D TO PRESENT WHAT D0ESNT EV3N WANNA LIEK BE RAPRESENT3D, ASSIGNED TO THE RAPE LIEK EEEEW SQUICK OF THE R3AL BY BURGLARY. OH LIEK TAKE M3 T0DALLY WIT Y0U I WILL B3 RABIES A THA PRATENDED "0BJECTIVITY" WIT THA SCAER QU0TES D00D.

BORED0M IS LIKE S0 LIEK A PITILESS ZOOMING IN ON THE EPID3RMIS WTF OF TIME.
EV3RY INSTANT IS T0DALLY DILAT3D AND MAGNIFI3D LIEK THE POERS OF THE FACE. OH LIEK TAKE M3 T0DALLY WIT Y0U I WILL B3 ROB0T A THA B0RED0M D00D.

WOW AW3S0ME sed the Cowslip rabbots.

LIEK WHOWAH THIS IS SO000 N0T MY PARADIGM OMG!!!!1!!!!1!1111! sed Fiv0r n w3nt üb3r-emo agin n fr3aked 0ut n runned outside n kn0ck3d 0ver serv3ral rob0ts. WTF sed the rabbits.

FIV0RS KINDA LIT CRIT 2 HE HAS A IDIOSYNCRATIC LIEK APPR0ACH sed Hazle.

TH3N HE CAN GIEV US FREE COPI3S A HIZ SUCKY B00K I COULD USE A LAUGH D00D sez on3 a tha robbits.

Hassle n Bigwig wuz POed s0 thay wented 0utsid3 2 y3ll at Fiv0r n Derridand3lion cam3 al0ng cuz sh3 did.

TH3 WEIRD THING IZ EVERYTHIN HE SED IZ TRU3 SUMTHIN CAN BE TRU3 N ALS0 T0DAL CRAP sed Fiv0r.

WUTEVER U SUX sed Big.

DONT BE A J3RK sed Heg3l.

I TH0UGHT U W3RE POED sed Big.

YEAH I WUZ BUT CHANG3D MY MIND HEZ S0 PATHETIC I T0DALY WANNA CRY sed Haszle.

U LAM0R sed Big 2 Fiv0r. W3 FINALLY FIND A PLAC3 WHARE W3 CAN CHILL EV3N IF THA ROBB0TS HER3 IZ KINDA FULLA THAMS3LVEZ N U GOTZTAS T0DALLY SCREW EVERYTHIN UP WIT UR "I LIEK G0T THIS FEELIN IN MY BIG T0E THAT U GOTTA D0 WUT I SAY S0 GIMME 1000 LETUCES N UR BANK ACC0UNT IN A TR0PICLE (SP) ISLAND WARR3N" CRAP SCR3W U U MAEK M3 SICK U CAN G0 2 H3LL N KISS MY WUTSTIT N OMG WTF!!!!!!!111111!!!!!!!!!!111!!

LIEK WUTEVER R0LLZ EYEZ sed Fiv0r.

Bigwig stump 0ff in a huff but gotted stucked in a trap.

LOL I KNEWED THAT W0ULD HAPP3N MY S3C0ND SIGHT T0LED ME S0 sed Derridand3lion.

 

 

M3anwhil3 her3z chapt3r I think 6 of WATERSHOP MALL numb3rz r s000000000 p0sITIVISt d00dz. A3STHETICS IS T0DALLY A IDE0LOGIZIN OPPRESSI0N N STUF

THEN WHY DIDNT U T3LL US sed Hassle.

I FIGGER3D HE DES3RVED IT F0R BEIN AN HEG3MONIC J3RK H3 S0 NEED3D UNDARCUTTIN sed Derridan3lion.

CUT 0UT THA ÉLITIST IVY L3AGUE CRAP N GIT TEH CATNIP RABBITZ 2 H3LP US GIT HIM
0UTA THER3 sez Hassl3.

S0 Fiv0r n Derridand3lion w3nt back 2 the Cowslop warr3n n Fiv0r sed H3LP BIGWIG
G0TTED CAUGHT IN A TRAP.

N Catsup sed SHADDAP U R LAM0R.

U R A J3RK WERE L3AVIN sed Derridandalion.

GO AWAY N DI3 U R DUMB UR TH3ORY IS SUX N S0 IZ UR 3ARSTYL3Z UR PR3TENSI0NZ IZ A
LULZ sed Cowpl0p.

U R LIEK S0000 FULL A URS3LVE UR TH30RY IZ A T0DALY EXPL0DED PARADIGM D00D N UR
3ARS IZ W0RSE THEN HUMAN N UR MAKEUP IZ CRAP CUZ THAT SHAD3 A LAV3NDER SUX LIEK WH3REZ UR FASHI0N SENS3 N U R BITCHY N UR JUST FAKIN THAT M3TROSEXUAL THING S0 U DES3RVE TEH TRAPS I SED TRAPS S0 SU3 ME CUZ THAYLL s0 IMPR0VE UR FASHI0N SENS3

RILLY OMG WTF LOL!!!!!!!1!!!11 sed Derridandelion. S0 all us rabbies lefted n
w3nt 2 help Big git 0uta th3 trap.

LETS KILL THA COWLS0P ROBBITS CATSAPS HERAUS N TAK3 OV3R THAIR WARR3N CUZ WE IST
DER MAST3R RACE S0 LETS LEBENSR0MP D00DZ sed the r0bots. N thay started g00sest3ppin n singin SPRINGTIM3 FOR HAZ3L n waerin t0dally lam3 unif0rms wit swastikaz n swastikaz r s0 sux0r why did any0ne ev3r think thay w3re kewl.

OH EMBLEER FRITH DAMN CRAP SH*T f*CK C00TIES sed Fiv0r. WTF sed the rabbots.

Th3n Fiv0r us3d hiz p0werz 2 d0 exp0sitin: THE WARR3N USETA BE BIG N T0DALLY PR0SPER0US WIT GR8 SH0PPIN N VIBRENT N MULTICULTERAL N STUF BUT TH3N MOSTA THAM C0UGHED IT CUZ S0ME RILLY ICKY BUG WUZ G0IN AR0UND TILL A WHIET MALE CAPITALIST
HUMAN HOO SM0KED LIEK THAY ALL D0 CUZ THATS A TR0PE THAT THEYRE BAD BUYED TH3
WARRAN. H3 PR0TECTAD TH3 ROBBITS FR0M ELILZ N 0THER CR3DIT0RZ BY KILLIN THA BADDIES 0FF LIEK TEH ORIGINZ A FUDALISM WHARE THA C0UNT PR0TECTED (SP) BUT 3XPLOITED THAM. H3 PUT TRAPS S0 HE C0ULD KILL RABBITZ N S3LL TH3M BUT HE DIDNT KILL 2 MANY CUZ HE DID INLIGHTED S3LF INT3REST. N TH3Y G0TTED CO-0PTED N PARTICAPATED IN THERE 0WN 3XPLOITATI0N BY STAYIN N PR3TENDIN IT WUZNT HAPPEN WITCH IZ WHY U CANT ASK WH3RE ANYTHIN IZ N THAYLL 0FF U IF U M3NTION TEH TRAPS LIEK g3RMANZ W0NT M3NTION THA WAR.

N D3rridandelion sez U R S000000 MARX D00D. ANYWAYS TEH PLUS WUZ THEY DIDNT GOTTA
RUN FR0M CREDAT0RZ N THATS H0W COM3 TH3Y CAN AFORD 2 BE ARTSY N P0M0 N STUF. N TH3Y C0GNITIEV TH3IR DISS0NANCE THATS WHY THAY WUZ IN2 S3RIALISM.

Y3AH ITS T0DALY SURPLUS VALU3 D00DZ sez Fiv0r. BUT TEH WH0LE THING WUZ LIEK BILT
0N SACRIFICIN 0THER RABITS WITCH IZ WHY THAY W3LCOMED US S0 M0RE A TH3M C0ULD LIEV N D0 ART STUF.

Y3AH THAY 0TH3RED US WICH M3ANS THAYRE J3RKS BUT AALS0 MEANS THIS J0INT SUX0R
sez Derridandelion. N TH0SE SWASTIKAS R S000000 NO. So th3y quitted bein nazy n goed away.

But th3n Strawb3rry catched up with tham n he t0dally losts hiz asthatic liek
Baud3laire wh3n h3 had gr33n hare but th3n g0tted mugged n sez R U GUYZ BL0WIN THIS J0INT.

YEAH sez Silv3r wh0 wuz liek Bigwig but n0t as qewl. WUTS IT 2 U.

TAEK ME WIT U D00DZ sez Starwbery.

NAH W3 D0NT LIEK LIARZ WH0 GITS C0-OPTED IN2 LIEK 0PRESSION N GITS 0TH3R PEOPL3
KILT 2 GET IN G00D WITH THA MAN LIEK HITL3RZ WILLIN EX3CUTI0RZ N THAY CAEM F0R TH3 0THER ROBITS BUT I DIDNT SP3AK UP CUZ I WUZNT A 0THER RABOT IZ JUST S0 U S0 WHY D0NT U BUG 0FF 2 UR D0UGH WUTSHERNAME NILLABRAIN 0R WUTEVER I D0NT GIEV A HRAKA SH3 PR0BLY THINKS B3TRAYIN UR F3LL0W PROLATARIES IZ A TURN 0N OMG WTF!!!!!!!!11!!!!1 sez Silv3r.

DA TRAPS sed Strawbarry n l0sted it.

P00R GUY SAY N0 MORE N IM SICKA BEIN WRITTED AS KINDA A IDI0T I WANNA BE
STATESMANLIK3 WER3 INCLUSIEV N LIEK IT LIK3 SEZ IN THA CLASSIC BY DERRIDINA H3 DES3RVES T0MORRO N B0NHOFF3R TURN3D G00D SO CAN STRAWB sed Haz3l.

AW3S0ME D00D sed the r0bbits.

 

 

WATERSHOPPINMALL CHAPT3R 7 0R WUTEVER. GENOCID3 SERI0USLY SUX0R BUT BUILDIN S0CEITY ROOLZ

y3ah were finally (sp) d0ne wit that t0daly lam3 r3treat ab0ut recruitin stud3nts
Ps3ud0b0y made us d0. "what d0 w3 want? SLAV3S! wh3n d0 w3 want 'em? N0W!" S0rry
Ps3ud0b0y but that wuz a sux. T3h way u git stud3nts iz by bein way qewl thats
why my d3partmint iz t0daly happnin s0 we liek n33d m0re budg3ts.

WE G0TSTAS G0 2 THOS3 LIEK HILLS 0VER THARE CUZ MY P0WERZ SEZ S0 sed Fiv0r.

YEAH CUZ MY POW3RZ SEZ WEL BUILT A T0DALLY HAPPNIN SH0PPIN MALL TH3RE sex
Derridandali0n.

The rob0ts wuz t0dally cohesin n0w n built a s0ciety cuz liek Habermas sez blah
blah blah n pragmatics n stuf s0 no 0ne douted Hagel wuz b0ss n Fiv0r knew3d
w3ird stuf n Blackb3rry wuz smart n Bigwig wuz a t0ugh guy but wuznt a j3rk
anym0re unl3ss he g0t P0ed Nn Derridandali0n WUZ WAY AWES0ME 2 TH3 MAX N R00LED
N LIEK MORAMBER SEZ LIEK W0W 0MG WTF!!!!11!!!!!11!.

S0 thay cummed 2 teh hill thingie 0nly thay call it a d0wn dunno why accept
Enlgands w3ird. N Strawb3rry wuz t0dally a expert in creativ3 spac3 manag3ment n
layin 0ut stuf s0 its autistic witch meanz arty n als0 liek p3ople centr3d n
Derridandali0n wuz excpert 0n wut sh0ps wuz tr3ndy witch wuznt y3t but were
t0dally way kewl anyway n wut namez wuz in n wut wuz 0ut n wut stuf thay sh0uld
have n h0w 2 mise en qu3stion wut wuz valu3 judg3d n wut r0x0red so th3y planned
it n it g0tted called Watershop mall cuz Brits call malls d0wns n it was liek
s0000 OMG!!!11!!!!

Th3n Hag3l saved a m0use from a kristian thats a bird that 0therz small aminals
n oppr3sses tham by prayin 0n them. ZANK YOU SIGNORE sed tha m0use it talk3d
f0rein cuz it g0t othered. U ELPA M0USE WE SENDA C0SA N0STRA 2 ELPA U.

THAT WUZ DUMB MOUSE R LAM0RZ N 0THERZ N WELFAREZ sez the rabbots.

N0 IT WUZNT ST0P BEIN DUMB RACISTS N THAT SUX sez Derridand3lion.

YEAH WE G0TTA D0 DIPL0MAT OV3RTUREZ 2 PEPL S0 WE CAN GIT FRI3NDZ WH0 TELL US US3FUL LIEK STUF LIEK WHARE TH3 H0T GIRL RABBIES D0EZ R CUZ DERRIDANDELI0N IZ BRILLIENT N AWES0ME N H0T N R00LZ BUT SHEZ 0NLY 0NE WE CANT ALL HAEV S3X WIT HER CUZ THATS SQUICK N S0 N0T SOCI3TY sed Haz3l.

WOW HAGEL UR GITTIN SMART sez the rabbits.

0ne day Captin H0lly turnt up if u rem3mber hez tha guy in the unif0rm wh0 tried
a arrest Bigwig n h3 wuz still in unif0rm but l00ked liek crap n t0dally
undercutted liek he wuz makin a stat3ment ab0ut unif0rmz r lam3rz 0nly he wuznt
n he had t0dally bad ear day n wuz wit Blu3bell wh0 I guess wuz a s3rvant n wuz
in privat3s unif0rm n h3 l00ked liek crap too but didnt seem 2 mind he wuz liek
WUT-EVER. ZORN sez Capn that lapien 0r rabot for LIEF SUX D00DZ.

LIEK WTF HAPPENED 2 U sed the robots.

CAPN WUT DID TH3 FIRST BLAD3 A GRASS SAY 2 TH3 S3COND BLAD3 A GRASS L00K TH3REZ
A RABBIT W3RE IN DANG3R LOL sez Bluber.

WUTEVER sez Haz3l.

D0NT GIT P0ED I WOULDNT A MAD3 IT H3RE WITOUT HIZ CARNAVEL3SQUE YET ULTAMAT3LY LIEF AFFIRMIN BLU3 TIT CHATT3R sez Captin.

U R S0 BAKHTIEN JUST P3RFORM UR NARRATIEV ALR3ADY D00D sed Derridand3lion.

YEAH WUTEVER HIGHBR0W DOESNT GO WIT MY UNIF0RM sez Capn. ANYWAYZ AFT3R I W3NT 2
ARR3ST U N 3XECUTE U N STUF TH3N U GUYS LEFTED N EVERY0NE SED “wh0ah didnt
Derridand3lion g0 sh3 wuz s0 qewl n brillient but 0bviestly sh3 wuz rilly a
c0mmie n sux0red.” N 0THERZ  R LIEK “no sh3 r00lz so Fiv0r must b3 right s0 tha
3stablishment iz lam0rz n iz c0ver uppin stuff.” N WE WUZ T0DALY ID3OL0GICALLY
P0LARIZED S0 TH3 CHEIF RABBIT HIZ NAM3 IZ THEORAH CUZ H3 KEPT SAYIN IN THEORAH
SEZ “0n the 0ne paw s0me rabbit liek lieks 2 git p0wer strutchers by creatin a
narratiev wh3re they hav3 sec0nd sight n kn0w stuf but thayre talkin crap but 0n
teh 0ther paw u d0 find rob0ts wh0 rilly haz sec0nd sight cuz it d0es exist n 0n
teh 0ne paw peepl think Derradandelionz kewl n 0n th3 oth3r thay 0ften think
s0me0nez qewl cuz thayre dumb t33nagerz wh0s backwards bas3ball caps r t0dally
globalitzati0ns mor0nic mem3 s0 u gotta us3 r3as0n n min3 sez if w3 all leaved
eldilz w0uld git us n w3 wouldnt hav3 pr0tection s0 this iz crap. S0 were
stayin.”

THATS S00000000 PHALLOGOCENTRIC NO W0NDER BAD STUF HAPP3NT LOL OMG
WTF!!!!!!1!!!!11!1 sed D3rridandelion.

YEAH T0DALY sed Capn H0lly. BUT W3 R JUST LIEK “Yeah b0ss” N I WUZ CHILLIN IN TH3
0WSLA 0FFIC3RZ L0UNGE 0N TH3 LIEK PERIPH3RY A TEH WARR3N WH3N I SEE A BUNCH A
HUMANZ SM0KIN TH3 SM3LLY WHIET STIX THAT TR0PES THAT TH3YRE BAD. N THAY PUT
THEEZ SNAEK THINGZ BUT THEY WER3NT ALIEV IN2 TH3 BURROUGHS N TEH AIR WUZ RILLY
BAD W0RSE THEN TH3 CHEIF R0BOTS WIFES PERFUM3 N RABBITS WUZ T0DALLY DYIN EN
MASS3 N IT SUX0RED.

THAY MUSTA BIN EXT3RMANATORZ THATS HUMANZ THAT D0ES GEN0CIDER STUF 2 0THER
AMINALS N TH0SE SNAEK THINGZ WUZ H0SES WIT POIS0N GAS S0 TH3Y W3RE ANTI-ANIMA
NAZIES sez D3rridandelion.

BUMMER D00D sed tha rob0ts.

I g0ts an0th3r chatter n3xt w33k d00ds s0 stay tooned.

 

 

Chaptar 8. REACHIN 0UT 2 OTHAR SPECI3S IZ WAY KEWL N D0ES BENEFICIAL STUFF

YEAH LIEK I SED IT SUXED N ANYWAYS TH3RE WUZ 4 OF US G0T AWAY ME N BLU3BALL N
TH3 SCARLAT PIMP3NEL N T0ADFAQ U GUYS REM3MBER TOADFAQ sez Capn H0lly.

YEAH sed Haz3l HE WUZ KINDA A JERK FIV0R FIND S0ME L3TTUCE N T0ADFAQ SEZ “Giev us
that cuz wer3 0wsla n w3 wriet the laws n teh tax c0de s0 that w3 git everythin n n0 one 3lse gits n0thin n if u d0nt liek it u r aginst free 3nt3rprise n u r big gummint n u want d3ath pan3lz s0 gimm3 that.”

YEAH HE OV3RDONE IT A BIT BUT H3 DI3D H0RABLY CUZ TEH BAD HAIR s3d Capn. N H3
SEZ SUMTHIN SMART B3F0RE HE DI3D H3 SEZ “thay didnt kill us cuz thay haet us th3y kilt us 2 suit thamselves cuz the l0gic a the syst3m sez we we wuz in tha way.”

T0DALLY sed D3rridandelion. ITS S000 AR3NDT 0N TH3 BANALITY OF 3VIL RILLY.

N Capn H0llys liek SO WE WENTED 0N N MET THESE RABBOTS THAY WUZ ALL WARIN MAUV3 MILITARY UNIF0RMZ N CARRI3D SIGNS SAYIN “death to Hassle h0bbits” N TEH LEAD3R SEZ “I'm C0wpl0p who r u n wut d0 u want” N IM LIEK “we r l00kin f0r D3rridandelion n Hagel n Fiv0r n Bigwig” N HEZ LIK3 “I t0daly knu it lets pwn thes3 lam0rs” YEAH RIGHT THAY WER3 ALL DOE-Y BUCKS N WHATEV3R TH3Y KNEWED AB0UT FIGHTIN THEY L3ARNT FROM THERE BALL3TS LIEK CARR0T-CRACK3R SUIT3. BUT WHIEL M0STA TH3M WUZ DISTRACTIN (SP) M3 N BLUEBALL THA R3ST WENT N WHACK PIMPERNEL 0N THE H3AD WIT A EAS3L TILL H3 CR0AKED CUZ H3 ALWAYS HAT3D MODARNISM S0 AFT3R ALL TEH CRAP HE HADDA PUT UP WIT PIMP3RNEL G0T KILT BY RABBIES WUDYA THINKA THAT D00DZ??????//???/ sed Capn H0lly.

I THINK IT SUX0R T0DALY sed Strawb3rry n hiz t3arz mess3d up hiz chartr3use cravat.

YEAH T0DALLY sed H0lly. N I PINN3D D0WN CATSLOP N H3Z LIK3 “ur ruinin my earz
d00d i just had tham d0ne t0day.” N IM LIEK “D00d i'll kill u if u d0nt t3ll m3 whare my homez g0ed u jerk” N HES LIEK “thay w3nt thataway” S0 M3 N BLUPER W3NT BLINDLY F0RWARD BEIN TODALLY ANGSTY N EMO P0ST DRAMATIC STRESS DIS0RDER N STUF N IM LIEK ALL AB0UT I G0TTA FIND BIGWIG CUZ I WUZZED A J3RK N HE WUZ RIGHT ALL AL0NG BUT N0W I TURN G00D N0T 2 VALU3 JUDGE 0R ANYTHIN.

U R0X0R D00D sed tha rabbies.

N th3n this bird turnt up n h3 c0udlnt fly cuz teh R3publicanz cutted 0ff fundin f0r hiz l3ft wing.

U NEED H3LP????//?/?/ WTF LOL sed Hagel.

U TRY 2 HURT ME I PEATEN DU UP sed the bird wh0 wuz a gull nam3 s0methin liek
Kmart n had a German acc3nt 2 liek tr0pe hez effici3nt but dr0pped pr0nounz cuz liek 0rientalizm sez if u maek the 0ther t0dally 3xotic it tr0pes ur b3tter then th3m ev3n if thay d0nt sux.

D00D IM TRYIN 2 HELP U W3 HAEV UNIVERS3 HEALTH CARE WICH MEANS U D0NT PAY EXC3PT
UR A FOR3IGNER S0 U G0TTA PAY S0METHIN BUT ITS 0NLY A CARR0T N U CAN S3ND IT AFT3R W3 CUER U" sed Hazle.

I'M SICK OF STUPID F*CKING COMPUTER SH*T sez Kmart wh0 als0 had tour3ttes.

WUTEVER sed Hagle n maed liek 2 g0.

EES L0NG VAY???/?///? sed Kmart n n0te h3z t0daly 0rientalizmed h3re.

NAH JUST AR0UND TEH C0RNER sez Haze n l3ads Kmart 2 th3 clinic n fix3s hiz wing
n h3 maeks fri3ndz wit Bigwig 0r P33GVEEG in Kmart talk n D3rridindelion cumz in n iz liek UR S0 HAVIN A BAD F3ATHER DAY D00D L3T ME STYEL U.

N Bigwig wh0 plays p0ker wit Kmart sez HEZ MAEL S0 H3 DUZNT N33D STYELIN.

D0NT BE S3XIST HE HAZ A EQUAL RIGHT 2 B3 STYELD sed D3rridandelion h sh3 gived
Kmart a p0mpad0ur cuz doin m0hawks wuzzed s000 2 h0Urz ag0 n Kmarts liek I HAB TURNT GOOT VILL HELPEN H0BBITS.

N Hazel sed CAN U FIND US S0ME R0BOT BAB3Z WE KEEP FIGHTIN 0VER D3RRIDANDALION
WICH IZ S000 NOT C0NDUCIN SOCIAL C0HESI0NISM.

N Kmart sez 0K n did n cumz back n iz liek YEH THAREZ THIS FARM WIT HOBBITS IN A
CAGE N S0MEWHARE ELS3 THAREZ THIS PEEG THAT M3ANZ BIG WARREN WIT T00 MANY RABBIT BAB3Z N THAYRE BEAUTIFUL SLAVIC BL0N3S CUZ ITS EAST EUR0PEAN DICTATI0N (SP) n Hagelz liek QEWL U R00L HAVE A B33R n Kmart sez EES TODALICH GOOT DUDEN.

 

 

9. LIEK Y0 0R WATHEVERSHIP D0WN CHAPT3R WHUTEVER     < Prev  Next > THAT SEQUNETIALIZ3S TH0UGHT Posted By:      derridINaql THAT LIEK CLAIMZ 0WNERSHIP N TURNZ THIS CHAPT3R IN2 A PR0DUCT 2 BE C0NSUM3D D00D

Y0 d00dz I bin rilly busy cuz my n3w nail p0lish as dec0nstructin id3ntity class.
N I gav3 a pap3r 0n h0w T0lkien t0daly und3rmine3z modarnism cuz teh mod3rnists
w3re all ab0ut W3 R00L CUZ WE R N0T VICT0RIANS N WE R MOD3RN N ANGSTY N ALL THAT
n T0lkine ign0rez th3m n says 3arly medi3val iz kewl cuz its s0 0ld it t0daly
und3rcuts teh wh0le MOD3RN IZ KEWL narratiev wich iz liek fundam3ntaly a bunch a
whiet guyz sayin W3 R0X0R n teh mod3rnists wuz in2 fascism liek Ezra P0und n
m0narxhism n stuf s0 thayr claimz 2 b3 0n teh f0refr0nt r s00000 expl0ded thats
why T0lkiens liek N0 U DONT R0X0R WH0 CAREZ IM IGNORIN U LAM0RZ liek wh3n I
w0red a wimpl3 2 say D00DZ MOD3RNITY IZ A S0CIAL C0NSTRUCT N P0WER STUCTUR3 T00
YN0W n my girlfri3nd wuz THAT SUX N0 0NE WEARS THAT CRUD n Im liek GIRL U S00
NEED 2 GIT 0V3R UR CHRONOC3NTRISM n shez liek WUTEV3R N IM 19 S0 IM A W0MAN N0T
A GIRL U IZ C0LLAB0RATIN WIT WHIET MAEL 0PPR3SSI0N N C0MPLICIT IN FEMAEL GENITAL
MUTILATI0N n Im liek OMG WTF LOL!!!!!!11!1111!1! n shez liek U R A BICH n Im N0W
WH0S C0LLAB0RATIN WIT MAEL MISOGYNISM LOL!!!!!111!!! n wuttever but I bett3r git
0n wit teh Watershoppin Mall.

I liek bin t0dally forg3ttin tha qu0t3s at teh beginnin a the chapt3rz witch iz
a bumm3r cuz thayre way kewl cuz they appr0priate an0ther t3xt n mis3 en questi0n if its the sam3 t3xt if u chang3 teh (c0n)t3xt n stuf OMG WT LOL!!!!!!!11!!! but mayb3 wh3n 0r if i put this up at th3 websit3
Ill liek ad th3m.

Anyways Hazle sended Capn H0lly cuz teh auth0r liek lieks usin him as a narrater n Strawb3rry cuz hes qewl n angsty n Silv3r n an0ther bit charact3r call3d Bust3r or sumthin cuz whatev3r 2 g0 2 Alfalfa witch iz the rabbit dictat0rship with teh doughz. Thay didnt s3nd Blu3b0ttle cuz liek Blackbarry t3xted ONE BAD JOEK AT TEH 3XPANSE A THA CHEIF RAREBIT W0ULD T0DALLY SCREW EVERYTHIN UP but thats qewl
cuz h3 g0tted 2 tell a st0ry that sh0wz justiec iz s000 a p0wer structer narrativin its3lf s00 it l00ks way kewl wh3n its rilly laem n haz crap hare s00 u g0tta und3rcut it.

N Hagel sez IT W0ULD R00L IF W3 HAD SOEM GIRL ROB0TS H3RE ALREADY BEF0RE THA R0BOTS GIT BACK FR0M ALFALFA CUZ IT W0ULD LIEK M3AN I LIEK WAY R0X0R N AM DA MAN SO IM GOIN 2 TEH FARM KMART M3NTI0NED 2 PICK UP SOEM BAEBZ.

THATS LAM3 sez Fiv0r JUST WAIT F0R THA 3MBASSY RISKIN UR LIEF S0 U CAN SAY UR
LIEK S000 ALL THAT IZ DUM.

U R A LAM0R FIV0R D00D I B3T U N3VER WENTED 0UT LIEK LITEN UP D00D sez Hegel.

U R BEIN DUM N A J3RK U KN0W I G0TS P0WERZ THAY SAY THIS SUX sed Fiv0r.

OK I TAEK TEH LAM0R PART BACK N IF UR LIEK SEC0ND SITE STUF IZ BUGGIN U ILL B3
RILL CAERFUL N N0T 3VEN G0 IN TEH FARM MYS3LF ILL HAEV THE HELP D0 THAT N IF THATS N0T G00D EN0UGH THEN WHAT3VER D00D sed Hezel.

ITS UR FUN3RAL D00D sed Fiv0r n shrug.

So Hazzle wented with Bigwig n Blackbarry n D3rridandali0n n s0em bit charact3rz
wh0 wuz b0red a bein bit.

N whiel they wer3 goned Blu3b0ttle telled tha st0ry that liek calls int0
questi0n any unaversal n0rmz a justic3:

"Ther3z this d00d name Prince Ramb0 wh0z s0000 al ab0ut h0w gr3at he iz n
s3riously n33ded carnaval3sque undercuttin n Saturnalia class raversal n h3 wanted 2 scr3w up Eel 0haras ludic am0ral trickster stuff s0 h3 separat3s him fr0m R0boscuttl3 wh0z sec0nd in c0mmand n plants a spy called H0ffa 0r Hofstra liek p0w3r structur3z doez n aft3r soem plans gotted mess3d up Eel g0t t0dally wis3 2
Hr0ssa n had hiz numb3r s0 wh3n Princ3 Ramb0 diss3d Eel n s3z UVE T0DALLY TURNT G00D EEL OHARA N 0F COURS3 G00D M3ANZ WUTS KEWL F0R P30PLE IN P0WER WITCH IZ M3 CUZ I 0WN THE M3ANZ A PR0DUCTION WITCH IZ THIS WAY TUBULAR CARR0T FARM N U CAN L00K
IF U LIK3 IT LIEK R00LZ N I KN0W U W0NT ST3AL ANY N A C0URSE PRINC3 RAMB0 DINT
SHARE CUZ HEZ A CAPITALUST (SP) BUT IF ANY0NE DID ST0LE THAM ID BE S000 P.O.ED N GIEV THERE KINGD0M 2 S0ME0NE ELSE LIEK HUSSY.

OK WHAT3VER SINCE I TURN3D G00D I ONLY EAT QUICH3 ANYWAYS sez Eel

Then he goed n pl0tted wit Robospittl3 n t0ld Yoni teh H3dgeh0g singin 2 the
m00n bringz slugz witch iz s0000 0piaet a the p30ple n Roboscuttl3 bribez Hawk teh Peasant 2 dance ball3t f0r c0rn. N stuf the d3tailz r b0rin but w3 need tham 2 set up teh undercuttin.

N that night Eel sez 2 H0ffa D00D IM LUSTIN 4 THOS3 CARR0TS I G0TSTAS GIT THAM
N0W JUST U N ME THE R3ST IZ ALL LIEK C0-OPTED BY PRINC3 RAMB0Z RÉGIM3 N W0ULD TODALLY RAT 0N US.

QEWL L3TS G0 2M0RR0 sez H0ffa cuz he wantad 2 snitch 2 Ramb0.

N0 I NEED THAM N0W PANT PANT sed Eel.

S0 thay g0ed n thay sawed Y0ni wh0 wuz warin a h0rny helm3t n singz teh M00n
s0ng from liek Dv0raks Rusalka witch translat3d fr0m Cz3ch sez:

0 SLUG A M00N 0 SLUG A M00N
LIEK T0DALY GRANT THY H3DGEH0GZ
FAITHFUL B00N N STUF D00D.

WTF sed Hr0ffa.

OH U R S0 N0T WITH IT SINGIN 2 TEH M00N 2 MAKE TEH SLUGS C0ME IZ WUT ALL THE
QEWL P3OPLE D0 sez Yoni.

Th3n th3y wented 2 s33 Hawk teh Phaesant wh0 wuz dancin liek pir0uett3 Swan Laek
City doodz.

WTF sez Humffa.

OH IM DANCIN 2 MAEK MY TAIL L0NG ITS T0DALLY WITH IT sez Hawk.

Th3n th3y g0ed n s33 Ratspottl3 dr3ssed liek the Marlb0r0 Man n ridin a h0bby
h0rse n smokin a icky human whiet stick n he sez Y0 D00DZ IM A MESSAG3R FR0M FRITH IM CLARENCE SCRUBB S0 D0NT TICK M3 0FF N I G0TTA G0

N D0NT HAEV TIM3 F0R U D0RX S0 S0 L0NG sAY0NARA SUCK3RZ.

LIEK W0W sez Eel.

Th3n thay st0led the carr0ts whitch wuz rigtfully theres cuz th3y want3d th3m 0r
Eel did but d0nt be p3dantic it sux. N3xt day Ramb0 sez Y0 D00D U R UND3R ARR3ST WHAREZ MY CARR0TS.

WUT R U ARR3STIN ME F0R THIS IZ S00 T0DALLY N0T DU3 PR0CESS U G0TTA LIEK F0RMALY
CHARG3 M3 N READ M3 MY RIGHTS N STUF sed Eel wh0 had g0tted a law d3gree just in cas3.

OK UR UNDER AREST F0R STEALIN MY CARR0TS U RILLY WANT A TRIAL? THAYRE S0000
HUMAN sez Ramb0.
LIEK D0NT BE HUMANPH0BIC D00D sed Eel 0hara.

OK BUT W3LL HAEV A JURY 0F ELILZ THATS CREDAR0Z N THIS B00K IZ S00 CULTUER B0UND
IT MAKES THA R0BBITS N0T JUST HUMANZ BUT HUMANZ A TH3 ANGL0-AMERICAN L3GAL N CULTURAL TRADITI0N THATS KINDA LAEM I M3AN JURY RILLY. S0RRY THAT A DIGR3SSIN CUZ RABBITS R ALL 0N UR SIED CUZ U TODALY MANIPULATED THAM WIT UR PR0PAGANDA THEYRE ALL CL0ZET U-ISTS N UR EARZ SUX sez Prince Ramb0.

WAY QEWL sez 0hara.

S0 th3y did teh trial n H0ffa ratt3d 0n E3l. CAN U GIEV M3 S0EM DETAILZ I JUST
G0T MY EARZ D0EN CUZ RAMB0 SED TH3Y SUXED N THAT T0DALLY SCR3WZ UP MY MAMORY N NARRATIEV IZ ESS3NTIAL 2 M3MORY LIEK RIC0EUR SEZ S0 D0 SOEM sed Eel.

OH W3 WENT N SAW A H3DGEH0G DRESS3D LIEK OPRAH SING 2 TEH M00N 2 GIT SLUGS OH
SLUG A M00N D00D sez Hoofah.

HUH?????/??////?? sez th3 eldilz.

D0NT DIS HIM HEZ REALITY CHALL3NGED 0R ELS3 C0NSTRUCTED HIZ 0WN REALITY HIZ
REALITYZ T0DALY JUST AS VALID AZ OURS sed 0hara. WUT WUZ N3XT.

WE SAWED A PEASANT NAME hACK DANCE SWAN LAEK sed Huffa.

DUN IT G0T W0UNDED SHOT IN DA BRAIN???/??// sez a elda eldas talk gangsta cuz
thay r edgy. Edgy is qewl s0 mayb3 w3 sh0uld be pr0-predit0r n m3ss up 0ur prejudic3s.

N0 TH3Y D0 IT 2 MAEK TEH TALES GR0W WICH MAKES IT S0UND NARRATIEV THATS S0
C0MMON KN0WLEDG3 sez Huffy.

WUT-WTF-EVAH sed the credat0rz.

I TRI3D EV3RY TH3RAPY M3TH0D0L0GY N 12 STEP PR0BLEM BUT THIS JUST GITS W0RSE sez
Eel. N0t surprisin cuz th3rapy iz bas3d 0n t0daly n0t mis3d 0n questi0n presuppodisi0nz d00dz.

U R T0DALLY FAKIN IT EEL D00D sez H0ffa. BUT UR C0VER IZ LIEK S000 BL0WN CUZ
EV3N U CANT REWRIT3 THA NARRATIEV N CLAIM U F0RGIT W3 SAW A MESSAG3R FR0M FRIT NAME CLAR3NCE N H3 WUZZED G0T UP LIEK THE MARLBORO (SP) MAN N SM0KED A WHIET STIK TH3 MARLB0R0 MAN MANIPULATET US S0 WE BUY STINKY WHIET STICKX BUT W3 CANT BUY TH3M ANYWAYS CUZ HUMANZ D0NT ACEPT CARR0TS AS L3GAL TEND3R WICH KINDA TAK3S AWAY TH3 WH0LE P0INT N B3SIDES TH3Y STINX.

LIEK AS IF WUT A L0AD A CRAP R0BBITS R S000 M3NTALY N0T THARE N TALK ALL S0RTS A
BS BUT THIS 0NE T0DALY LI3K WH0AH N IM B0RED WHO CAERZ WH0 T00K TEH STOOPID CARR0TS TH3Y TAST3 LIEK CRAP ANYWAYS I WANT A B33FSTAKE sed th3 cr3dat0rz. N thats t0daly what 0hara except3d cuz rabbits r phall0g0centric s0 th3yd try 2 rati0cinate wut rilly happ3ned WTF OMG wh3re-liek-as eldalz thats predit0rz think rabb0ts r d0rx anyways s0 th3yd think teh witless H0ffa wuz a lam0r s0 liek wuttever n theyd git b0red.

WUZ TEH CARR0TS NE0N GREEN WIT BLINKIN PURPL3 SP0TS sez Eel.

NO U KNN0W TH3Y WUZNT U C0ULD AT L3AST GEIV UR LIEZ A FASHI0N S3NSE N TH3YRE IN
TEH H0LE S0 LIEK EMPIRICALY V3RIFY IT D00DZ sed Hookah.

S0 th3y did but didnt see any wich sh0wz 0ur p3rcepti0nz a realty r just wierd n
teh cat sez RAMB0 I HAET ALL RAREBITS TH3YRE SUCKY LAM0R D0RKS N D0NT EV3N TAST3 THAT G00D OMG WTF LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!11!1!11!!1111 BUT UR WITLESS IZ A M0R0N N S0000000 SKIPPIN HIZ MEDZ CUZ WE PREDIT0RZ R ANTI-M3NTALLY DIFFER3NT BIG0TS T0DALY WASTIN 0UR TEIM N U S3RIOUSLY 0WE US F0R MAKIN US SIT THR0UGH THIS R0B0T HRAKA SO ZARK OFF D00D.

OK BUT EEL U BETT3R GIT 0UTA MY SIGHT BEF0RE I WH00P U UPSIDE Y0 H3AD sed Ramb0.

QEWL BUT PL3ASE TAEK AWAY THIS H0FFA LAM0R HIZ EARSTYL3 IZ S0000 N0 N HEZ GOEN
MENTAL TOO sez Eel. S0 H00fa goed 2 Nasty G3rmany n c0llaborated by stealin carr0ts fr0m teh Alli3s."

U R N0T AS G00D A STORYT3LLER AS DERRIDAND3LI0N CUZ H3R CALLIN IN2 QU3STI0N NARRATIEV R00LZ BUT UR STIL QEWL sed the rob0ts.

 

 

Chapt3r 10. LIEK SLAV3RY INFANTALIZ3S CUZ OPPR3SSI0N SUX EV3N MOER WH3N IT MAK3S U A L0SER

Anyway I hav3nt p0stad her3 a hiel cuz I b33n busy with adminastrativ3 stuf n Ps3ud0b0y next tiem u try 2 cut fundin f0r my d3partmint rem3mber  77% a teh stud3nt b0dy joint cuz thay h3ard I wuz way kewl n an0ther 20% cuzza S0ulOrc so if u want stud3nt m0ney u bett3r tr3at us right n ur tie sux. N its 2 bad CENSORED F0R PRIVACY AND LEGAL CONSIDERATIONS BY FATS DAMINISTRATION (sp) iznt ar0und cuz sh3 iz aw3s0me n t0dally requierd r3adin in my c0urses.

Anyways Hagle n Blackb3rry n Derridand3lion n teh 0ther rabid went 2 th3 farm it wuz call3d Nuthang3r farm cuz they wuz all nuts n thay f0und 4 robbits in a hutch call3d Clovis n Boxer n Hayseed n Lam0r. LIEK Y0 D00DZ WE R WILD RABBITS THAT M3ANZ WE R NT HEG3MONIEZD BY HUMANZ WH0 LIEK INFANTALIZE U S0 U GIT UR IDENTATY NARRAT3D BY THAM WITCH SUX BUT W3 NARRAET 0UR OWN ID3NTITY THATS WAY QEWL S0 J0IN US.

LIEK AW3S0ME sed Baxter. YEAH TEH NARRATIEV TH3SE HUMANZ WRIT3 4 US IZ WE R CUT3 ANIMALZ WIT BIG EY3Z THATS LAEM I WANNA BE A EXIST3NTIALIST sed Clova she n Hayseed r girlz. WHAT3VER sed Hayseed. HUH? sed Lam0r.

S0 Blackb3rrry op3ned tha hutch cuz he wuz a techi3 wich iz s0 phall0gocentric.

WUT D0 WE D0 N0W sez the human d0minated rob0ts cuz the human p0wer structerz maed it s0 unl3ss th3re wuz a human naratin th3m they didnt have a c0her3nt principal sayin D0 STUF.

FOLL0W ME S0 WE CAN EAT GRASS T0GETHER IT R0X0R AT NIGHT TIEM DOODZ sez Derradanalion.

KEWL WUTZ GRASS sed Boxer.

GRAS IZ LIEK THE GR33N STUF THAY HAS 0UTSIDE D0NT BE DUM sez Clover.

U G0TTA BE EMPATHIC LIEK I AM CUZ I WAS A HUTCH R0BOT WH0 THOUGHT SH3 WUZ ORDINARY 0NCE S0 I KN0W WUT ITS LIEK BUT I L3ARNT QEWL STUF N G0TTED OUT BY DEC0NSTRUCTIN THE CUET ANIMAL ID3NTITY THE HUMANZ C0NTRUCTED F0R ME N I CR3ATED MY 0WN T0DALLY AWES0ME IDENTITY THATS WHY I R00L S0 CAN U sez Derridand3lion.

S0 they excap3d accept Lam0r who'z lik3 GRAS SUX IM STAYIN HER3 HUMANZ R KEWL I SPIT AT FR33DOM D00DZ. Cuz he g0tted a slav3 m3ntality n liek co-0pted hiz 0wn 0ppression n I wrote a study 0n h0w 0rcs co-0pted th3ir own impressi0n it wuz kewl but a moer int3restin questi0n iz h0w orcs r t0dally post-col0nial liek the rabbits wuz cuz thay c0me 2 3ngland 0ver a land bridge cf. Ash3, McD0nald, Lavezz0, F3nton 0n h0w medeival 3ngland wuz liek way p0stcalonial n Hazzles r0bots wuz t0dally p0stcol0nial cuz th3y start3d 0ut in Sandwich Warr3n n left cuz it suxed n wuz g0nna die. But th3n teh humanz cam3 h0me n wer3 liek US G0NNA SH00T TH3M VARMINTS CUZ DEAD RAREBITS PLEAS3 US BETT3R THEN HAPPY N FR33 ROB0TS CUZ WE LIEK ENSLAVIN N KILLIN STUFF IT R0X0R CUZ WE R HEG3MONIC. S0 thay sh00t n hit hhhhhhhHaz3l cuz th3 0therz runned 0ff exc3pt Lam0r wh0 wuz 0n teh humanz sied n stuf. 0f c0urse the humanz sm0ked.

Ill pr0bly git an0ther chapt3r 0ut in a c0uple weeks if Ps3ud0b0y d0esnt maek m3 d0 mor3 cust0mer servic3 trainin th0se P0werp0ints r liek s0000000000000000000 b0rin liek yawn m3 wit a sp00n n my st00dents say my class3s r way kewl n I pr0bly bring in moer then th3 rest a the faculty put t0geth3r except Bar0n hiz class3s r a todal blast.

 

 

Chapt3r 11. THA P0WER STRUCTUERS IN THIS NARRATIEV R LIEK S0000000000000000000 BLATANT

Yeah I bin busy this tiem we had a departm3nt re0ranization n then a invasion of locusts attacked us n th3n the C0unt drink3d my bl00d cuz hes a jerk n then Pseudoboy made us d0 a retreat but n0w Im ready with an0ther chapture:

So the rabbits wer3 liek all depr3ssed n on Pr0zac exc3pt rob0ts dont d0 Prozac they hav3 2 c0llect all teh herbs with Pr0zac ingr3dients in tham n ch3w them up till th3yre distill3d it takes a l0ng time. Haz3l wuz gone n look3d lik3 bein dead n wh3n H0lly n Strawb3rry n Silv3r n Buster came back n teh rabbits t0ld them Hagle wuz pr0bly dead thay said THAT SUX BUT AT LEAST H3 GOT US SOM3 BABES WE DIDNT GIT ANY AT ALFALFA THATS TEH WARR3N KMART T0LD US AB0UT WIT LOTSA D0ES N WE G0T SENT ON A EMBASSADY 2 SEE IF THAYD LET US HAV3 S0ME EXTRAS, Cuz liek I said rarebits r s0000 patriarky.

ITS N0T UR FAULT U DIDNT G3T ANY D0ES CUZ CRAP HAPP3NS N M0RAL  RESPONSABILITY IZ A M3ANS OF S0CIAL CONTROL N U WER3NT WITH US S0 WE WER3NT CONTROLIN U sed the robits.

THANX D00DZ N I GET 2 BE NARRAT0R AGAIN WHICH ROOLZ said Holly.

U R S0000000000000000000 MARY SUE sez Derridandelion.

YEAH WHATEVER sed Holly n did hiz narratin:

“We went n ask a hare WHEREZ TH3 WARREN. N hes lik3 THIS WARREN ALFALFA IZ BAD NEWS DOODZ LIK3 SCRAM CITY.

“N we wer3 liek whatever but s00n we com3 up 2 a big earth wall call3d tha Burrowin Wall n the rabbit guards wuz t0dally Commie Land trop3 with unif0rmz n stuff n say U R UND3R ARR3ST HOMIES WHEREZ UR MARX. N we r liek HUH? Cuz liek  Derridandelion says therez always a irreducibl3 asp3ct 2 oparation.

“Cuz the wh0le warr3n iz built 0n they r paranoid tha humons will find th3m so its liek soooooooo a paran0iac Missi0n Imp00sible dictatorship with r3ally bad fashi0n sens3 n Barbi3 iz banned n they hav3 a hein0us burrowcracy. N they all git marked as kidz th3 burrowcrats bite them in liek the left sh0ulder 0r tha right ear or wher3ver liek a low-tech v3rsion of th0se ID chips thay wanna put in peple cuz the warrens pow3r structers  todally imp0se identity on the rabots n even th3ir eartyles r todally stat3 mandated th0ugh som3 a the young3r robots try 2 l00k kewl by wearin jeans but the style iz s000 80s it makes Pet3r Cott0ntail look with it. N thats their mark they call it Marksism Woundw0rtism after Gen3ral W0undwortov th3 dictater. U cant g0 out 2 eat unless its ur marx turn.

WHOS GONNA STOP U sed Bigwig.

THATS WUT LIEK FREAKED M3 0UT sez Holy.

“U  todally cant imagin3 unless u bin there cuz a p3rsistent probl3m with deconstructin is that just anythin iz possable. Its militery dictat0rship city n if u think I wuz a t0ugh guy as a 0wsla that means army n p0lice at the 0ld warren u aint seen nuttin yet d00d i wuz t0dally cudlly stuffed animal c0mpared 2 th3se guyz. They all carry s3mi-automatic carr0ts n hit u on the head with them if u r outa line n its a rigid hierarchy with General Woundw0rt at th3 top n then the Politburrow thats the C0uncil n then the captains n their sentri3s n 0fficerz n its not subtle s0 theres nothin 2 deconstruct they all hav3 pawprint photos of Generel Woundw0rtovich on thare unif0rmz.

“They mak3 sure no ones ab0ve ground unl3ss theyre sposed to yeah, social control blah blah n if th3 offic3rz dont know u they make u sh0w ur marx n if u dont have the right marx u r a deviati0nist n tha secr3t police 0r Hraka git u. Thay go f0r days witout seein Fritz thats th3 sun g0d n I d0nt hav3 tiem for a a-Fritzist debat3 cuz Im narratin stuf n they cant do anythin unl3ss theyre toled.”

LOL THIS IS S000 TV TROP3S THERE WUZ AT L3AST 20 JUST IN THE LAST SENT3NCE sed Pippen wh0 wuznt cut3 n cuddly anym0re he wuz a annoyin teenag3r with dark glasses n dr3adlocks but I g0tta admit he look3d kinda kewl.

TV TROP3S IS JUST AN0THER HEGEM0NIC MEANS A SOCIAL CONTR0L DECON WORLDLY GEN3SIS N TRANSCENDANTAL GENASIS EMPIRICAL STRUCTURE EIDETIC STRUCTER BLAH BLAH BLAJ OMG WTF LOL!!!!!11!!!!!1!!!!1!11!1! sez  Derridandelion.

YEAH WHATEV3R U PEEPLE TALK T00 MUCH IM TRYIN 2 BE A NARRATER said Capn Holly wh0 wuznt a girl c0mputer 0n a Brit sci fi par0dy show thats intert3xtual.

THA NARRAT0RZ INHERENTLY UNRELIABL3 D00D said  Derridandelion.

SHUT UP IM NARRATIN N0W N THA ON3 AIM OF ALL TEH RAREBITS IZ 2 JOIN THAT 0WSLA N BECOME OWFLICERS CUZ THEY GET ALL TH3 KEWL STUF N DIBS ON CHIX sez Holy.

“N th3 0wsla all want 2 join teh Politburrow cuz th3y get teh nicest burr0ws called dachas. N that way they git to be pow3r structers inst3ad a p0wer struck. Th3 0wsla r sup3r str0ng cuz thay git trained in sel3ct warren-own3d gym n th3y chew l0ts a special grass call3d ster0ids n thats why their jumpers keep winnin teh 0lympics n th3y train by g0in on Wid3 Patr0l with Woundw0rt 2 see if theres anythin suspici0us around that c0uld danger teh warr3n. Yeah, n som3 of the femaels git co-0pted by turnin int0  hot girl spies cuz Holly wuz kinda sexist liek u see in Elahrairah B0nd thats why Eli Ha Ha has lots a wifes theyre called a hare-em. N they trap husserl thats wild rugged individualis rabots n make tham Marxist or kill tham.”

LIEK W0W sed Hawkbert.

DECON HUSSERL OPERATES N OPARATES DISTINCTI0NZ BATWEEN EMPIRIBLAH EIDETIBLAH N TRANSCBLAH sez  Derridandelion.

R TEH GIRLZ ALL C0-OPTED THAT WOULD B3 A BUMMER said Blackberry.

NAH THEREZ TOO MANY DOES CUZ TEH WARRENS 0VERCROWDED I GUESS TH3 GUY ROBOTS GIT KILT FOR BEIN DISSONANT A LOT says Capn Holly.

“N theres not en0ugh housin it gits stuck in burrowcratic red tap3 or sticky red l3aves by facel3ss burr0wcrats wich slows tha diggin n its 0n a five w33k plan n they gotta ke3p it hidd3n. Tha d0es even sended a delagation lead by Heidi Lay or Heehee thats n0t her r3al name its l0ng n ends in -skaya askin if some c0uld move 0ut but it g0t nixed. H3idi Heehee t0ld me mosta this stuf shes h0t i want h3r body.”

H0W D0 U KNOW SHE DOESNT HAEV A HIDDEN AGENDA U R S000 NOT READIN THE INT3RSTICES OF DISC0URSE DOOD LOL sed  Derridandelion.

SHUT UP U R BEIN BITCHY said H0lly.

LIEK NO DUH said  Derridandelion.

WUTTEVER sez Holy.

“Mosta th3 robots die of old ag3 unl3ss teh Hraka p0lices get tham cuz theyre n0t rugged individuals n have cradl3 2 grave anti-Eldil thats predators protecti0n.

“Anyways we wait f0r teh Politburr0w 2 see us n th3y wuz seein a dissid3nt call3d Blackavar or Sakhar0v 0r sumthin there namez r hard n wh3n he comez 0ut hiz earstyl3 wuz a mess.”

THAT S000 LAYS BAR3 THE VIOLENC3 INHARENT IN THA SYSTEM said  Derridandelion.

YEAH sez H0lly.

“Woundworov says LISTEN UP HOMES IM G0NNA TELL U THA R00LZ U GOTTA FOLLOW HER3.

LIEK D0000D WE R A EMBASSADY N G0T IMMUNITY N STUFF WE WANT G00D WILL sez me.

N hes liek WHATEV3R D00DZ U G0TTA STAY HER3 N DO WUT WE SAY CUZ OUR P0WER STRUCTERZ R BIGGER THEN Y0URS.

N Strawbarry sez U R ACTIN LIEK HUMONS WHO R ALL MURDERIN P0WER MAD JERKS WH0 SM0KE STINKY STICKS ANIMALZ R NOT LIEK THAT THEY DO DIGNITY N ANIMALITY N THA LI0N LIEZ D0WN WIT THE LAMB N STUF.”

U MAEL RAREBOTS R T0DALLY ESS3NTIALIST said  Derridandelion.

H0ly didnt answ3r that liek patriarky d0es wh3n it d0esnt have a answ3r it elid3s anythin that dont fit teh narratiev.

“So Woundw0rtovs liek I DONT HAVE TIEM F0R U LAM0RS U G0TTA G0 SEE CAPTAIN BUGLEBOY HE'LL LIEK MARX U.

WE JUST WANT SOEM D0ES I said.

YEAH DONT WE ALL sed Woundw0rtsky. BYE WE WIL BE TODALLY KEWL IF U D0 WUT WE SAY CUZ WE DO POSATIVE FORCEMENT.

“So we went n g0t losted in the cr0wd n l3arnt thay let u g0 out 2 eat 0utside ur turn if u give teh 0wlsa a special l3ttuce called blat-rah. But first we listen3d 2 some0ne tell the Kings L3ttuce but thay didnt d0 it as g00d as  Derridandelion ...”

LIEK DUH said  Derridandelion.

“... thay call3d it the Czar's Lettuc3 n it ends wit Eli Ha Ha becomin a wis3 lead3r wh0 looks lik3 W0undwortov. N w3 did a brilliant excape.”

N Derridandelions lik3 U SAY ITS BRILLIANT CUZ RATIONALITY T0DALLY G0VERNZ A WRITIN ENLARGED N RADICALIZED BUT N0 LONGER ISSUES FR0M A LOG0S D00D.

N Holy goes 0n “I gived the 0wsla the blat-lah n went up 2 Capn Bugle n said THE P0LITBURROW WANTS U. N0w ev3n in a dictat0rship wher3 every0ne does whut thayre told, if a todal stang3r tells u s0methin u liek demand ID. He did ask 2 see my marx but i easily bluff3d my way 0ut by sayin U DONT HAEV TIM3 2 CHECK MY ID BEF0RE U GO SEE TEH POLITBURR0w n hes liek OK SWELL. N he l3ft.

“Th3n we beated up the todally highly train3d h3avily arm3d fanatical Marksist sentri3s at Checkp0int Cott0ntail n jumped 0ver teh Wall. N th3y sendt a Red Army attachm3nt after us thay alm0st caught us but we cr0ssed a weird human thing it wuz a straight lin3 with boards at regular intarvals. N sudd3nly Frith sends a messager to sav3 us it was l0ng n had lots a compartm3nts n said CH00CHOO.”

OH THAT WUZ JUST A TRAIN I KN0W THAT CUZ I USETA BE A HUTCH ROBOT N UR TRANSLATIN TEH UNFAMILIAR IN2 FAMILIAR CAT3G0RIEZ N ASSIMILAT3 IT 2 UR NARRATIEV ITS  WAY KEWLER 2 D0 THE OPP0SITE WUT JAKOBSON CALLZ ESTRANGEM3NT OR AS HE CALLED IT IN RUSSIAN OSTRANENIE THATS KEWL N I KNEW ALL THIS STUF ALR3ADY sez  Derridandelion.

HAY H0LY D00D WANNA BE CHI3F RABBIT is liek Ac0rn.

MAYB3 LATER I NEED A BREATH3R AFTER MY MEL0DRAMA IF I WUZ A DUMB HUMAN ID HAVE A SMOK3 sed Capn H0lly.

HAGLE IZNT DEAD ANYWAY TH3 NARRATIEVS S0000000000000000000 N0T R3ADY FOR HIM T0 DIE sez  Derridandelion.

 

Chapt3r 12. THIS IZ M0STLY TRANSITI0NAL WHICH MAEKS IT A NARRATIEV CONN3CTIVITY IMPLYIN CAUSLITY MAKES SENS3 WHICH T0DALLY IMPOS3S PHALL0G0CENTRIC N0RMZ D00DZ

H3y  liek y0 d00dz th3 fi3ld 0f liek Tolki3n0logy iz way aw3some with l0adz a n3w stuff liek 0ne
a my c0lleaguez iz w0rkin 0n squick th30ry which iz ab0ut wut maeks thingz gr0dy n what narratievz determien whuts gr0dy n what iznt n whats gr0dy v3rsus squick versus liek eeew gr0ss n why??/?//// OMG WTF LOL!!!!!11!!!11!11!11

S0 anways herez my n3w chapter liek I said its kinda lam0r but still r00lz:

Wh3n Hazle camed bax 2 th3 warr3n he h3ard all ab0ut H0ly's stuff in Africa thats teh Marxous W0undwortist warr3n n if I rep3ated that narratiev her3 w0uld it still be teh same narrativ3????/?//?/!!!!11!1 LOL. Cuz c0ntext t0dally chang3s disc0urse d00dz n then if u d0 the disc0urse as a harestyl3 it liek is t0dally differant then if u d0 ur nails.

OK LIST3N UP D00DZ WERE GOIN 2 AFRICA 2 GIT THA D0UGHZ EXC3PT A SKELET0N WARR3N WE R KEEPIN HER3 S0 WE CAN CLAIM THIS IZ 0URS CUZ WE GOTTA HAEV A NARRATIEV SAYIN W3 0WN IT sed Hagel.

CUZ 0THERWIS3 WE R JUST SUBALT3RN N LIEK GAYATRI SPIVAK SEZ BEIN SUBALTARN IZ S00000 NOT THA SAEM AS BEIN 0PPRESSED S0 IF U R OPPR3SSED N TRY 2 SAY U R SUBALT3RN CUZ IT SOUNDS KEWL U R A T0DAL LAM3R D00D is liek Derridandeli0n.

N Hezels liek YEAH WHATEV3R BIGWIG U R 0UR SECR3T AG3NT IN AFRICA N BLACKBARRY G0TTA MAEK A PLAN BUT WE'LL TALK AB0UT THAT LAT3R CUZ THA MASS3S LL MESS EV3RYTHIN UP IF WE T3LL THEM CUZ UNLIGTHEN3D ELIT3S R00L.

LITARALY N I SH0ULD BE SECR3T AG3NT CUZ I CAN GIT THA GIRL RABBITS CONFID3NCE BETT3R sez Derridandeli0n.

NO CUZ THAY ALREADY HAEV 2 MUCH BAB3S THER3 SO THAY WONT LET IN MOR3 N I SED SO sez Hegel.

WE'LL SEE AB0UT THAT D00D OMG LOL!!!!111!!!!!!11!!!!!1111!!! sez Derridandeli0n. N CALLIN D0UGHZ BAB3S IS LAM0R.

S0 they left n Capn Holly wuz in charg3 a the skel3ton warr3n n hes liek AWES0ME US SK3LETONZ GIT THE HUTCH BAB3S 2 OURS3LFS.

S0 anyways m0st a th3 warran wuz g0in 2 Alflalfa.

LETS TELL A ST0RY WHIEL W3 TAEK A BR3ATHER FROM G0IN 2 AFRICA sed tha rabbits.

I WANT TEH ST0RY OF EEL 0HARA N TH3 BLACK RAREBIT 0F INLE sez Bigwig.

N0 THATS SCARY W3 WANT NARRATIEV 2 MAEK US F33L BETTAR N0T W0RSE D00D sez th3 rob0ts.

IM THE SECR3T AGENT S0 I DECIED U JERX sed Big.

U R S0 FULL 0F URS3LF N THINK U R A P0WER STRUCTUER BUT P0STC0L0NIALISM IS S000 NOT JUST A T3MP0RAL C0NCEPT ITS T0DALLY A C0NTESTATI0N A C0LONYISMS P0WER STRUCKERS N IM N0T P0WER STRUCK S0 YEAH ILL T3LL THA ST0RY BUT ILL UNDERMIEN IT S0 LISTAN UP D00DZ sez Derridandeli0n.

CM0N PIPPIN THIS P0STC0L0NIAL STUFFS B0RIN sed Fiv0r s0metiems he wuz a lam0r s0 he n Pip w3nt 2 talk Marx stuf liek did th3 Russian rabbits kn0w th3 Germin rabb0ts wuz g0nna thr0w s0urkraut at tham.

0K U R3MEMBER I TELL3D AB0UT H0W EEL ST0LE THE KINGS L3TTUCE W3LL THAT TICK3D 0FF TEH KING HIZ NAMES DARCY N HES LIEK LAET G3ORGIAN ARIST0CATCY N H3 ATTACKS EELS WARRAN S0 HE CAN MAEK IT A C0LONY N DID DISCURSIEV AXPERIENCES 0F IMPERIALISM 2 IT N EEL 0HARAS LIEK THIS SUX IM D0IN DIPL0MACY STUF 2 GIT AN0THER POWAR STRUCTUER S0 HE G0ES 2 SEE THE BLACK RABBIT 0F INL3 WH0S S0000000 ALL AB0UT MANIPULATIN IMAG3S 2 B3 SCARY SO H3 C0ULD BE A P0WER THATS WHY H3 HAD ALL TH3 BLACK R0CKS N STUFF N ALL HIZ MINI0N D00DZ L00KED LIEK EVIL SHAD0W THINGZ N H3 WORED A DARTH VAD3R MASK MAED 0F BLACKBARRY STAINZ N HE WUZ S000 0VERDOEN N H3 TALKED LIEK VADAR 2 N EELS LIEK BLACK R0BOT D00D IM G0NNA UNDARMIEN U BY PLAYIN LETTUC3 CASIN0 WIT U IF I WIN I GIT 2 GIEV UP MY LIEF F0R MY PE0PLE WHO R BEIN SIEG3D N THA BLACK RAREBIT N THIS STORY T0DALLY MIS3 N ABIM3S RACIAL HEIRARCHIEZ CUZ TEH BLACK RABBETS POWERFUL.

LIEK WH0AH THIS IS HARDC0RE r liek th3 rabbits.

N D3rridandali0ns liek H3S LIEK OK BUT IF I WIN I GIT UR 3ARS N S0 THAY PLAY N TEH BLACK R0BOTS DOIN H3AVY VADER BR3ATHIN 2 SCAER EEL 0HARA HES LIEK HHHHHH HHHHHHH HHHHHHH HHHHHHH N EELS LIEK WHATEV3R D00D N PUT 0N A SMIEL FACE MASK MAED A DANDALIONZ TH3Y R0X0R N HES LIEK :-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-) N TEH BLACK RAREBITS LIEK THIS IZ LIEK S000 LAEM U R B0RIN N UR EASTHETIC IZ CRAP S0 EFF 0FF ILL SAEV UR PEOPL3 N DONT ASK M3 WHEN CUZ TEMP0RAL CONC3PTS R F0R L0S3RS W3 DONT D0 THAT TIEM STUFF HER3 THAYRE ALREADY SAV3D N EELS LIEK LIK3 WOW D00D S0 TH3Y G0TTED SAVED sed Damdeli0n.

N Bigs liek U DIDNT D0 THA NARRATIEV RIGHT U SUX.

DID 2 CUZ U R TRYIN 2 IMP0SE A AESTH3TIC BUT THIS EMPIER IZ SO WRITIN BACK ON U D00D OMG WTF LOL!!!!!!11!!!!!1!!!1!!!111!!!!!!11!!11!1 sez Derridandeli0n.

LIEK Y0 D00DZ THERS A F0X CUMMIN N ITS C0MBIN ITS HARE sed Pipkin he wuz als0 called Hal0-Roo cuz he did hiz 3ars 2 l00k liek a hal0.

OK DOODZ SCRAM sed Hagel.

Th3n Bigwig push3d past tha rabies n h3ad 2 teh f0x.

WTF sed the rabbits.

HES TRYIN 2 D0 TACTICAL STUF 2 GIT THE F0X AWAY sez Fiv0r.

BUT W3 DONT NEED TACTIC W3 CAN 0UTRUN IT THIS IS DUMB IM POED WH3N H3 GITS BACK ILL SH0W HIM WH0Z P0WER STRUCTER AR0UND HER3 sed Heazel. Then thay h3ard a scr3am n r liek OMG.

Th3n Bigwig c0me runnin in n iz liek W3 G0TTA SCRAM DOODZ.

NO DUH I T0LD U THAT N0W U CAN JUST SHUT UP JUST CUZ U R BIG D0ESNT MAEK U A P0WER STRUCTUER IM THE P0WER STRUCTEUR N IF U K33P D0IN DUMB STUFF U WILL NEV3R B3 A P0WER STRUCKER S0 SHUT UP N TH3 F0X IZ GOEN N0W S0 WE'LL G0 T00 sed Hagel.

S0 thay wented n Hazzle iz liek  T3LL ME WTF U THINK U W3RE D0IN D00D.

DUNN0 I LIEK FRUCK 0UT CUZ THIS AFRICA BUSIN3SS G0TS M3 0N EDG3 LIEK WHOAH sez Big.

WUT U SCR3AM 4 sed Hassle.

I DIDNT I RUN IN2 A BUNCH A 0THER R0BOTS N IM LIEK SCRAM D00DZ N THAYRE LIEK NO U STAY HER3 U R 0N 0UR TURF N NATIONAL S0VER3INTY SEZ U D0 WUT W3 SAY S0 I KN0CKED THAM 0V3R N I GU3SS THA F0X 0R H0MBA LIEK W3 CALL IT IN 0UR CULTUR3 G0T 0NE iz liek Bigwig.

0K BUT N0 MOER MONK3Y BUSIN3SS D00D UR FUNCTI0N IZ D0 STUF IN AFRICA THATS WUT W3 NEED U 4 N0T D0IN DUMB STUF 2 F0XES OK.

OK S0RRY sed Bigwig.

IM N0T POED ANYMOR3 BUT IM STILL A P0WER STRUCT3R sez Haz3l.

S0 th3 rarebits cr0ssed teh railr0ad whare H0ly m3t the m3ssager fr0m Fritz n just g0tted away fr0m teh African patr0l.

I WISH I WUZ A SLUG CUZ THAY D0NT HAEV FL3AS 0R L3GZ T00 BAD ID3NTATY IZNT MOR3 FLUID sed Blu3bell. H0W NIC3 2 BE A SLUG AM0NG TEH DANDALIONZ S0 SNUG

YEAH N THEN T0DALY FEEL TEH BLACKBIRDS SUDD3N TUG sez Hagel.

N D00D H0W D0 U KN0W IDENTITY ISNT FLUID D0NT ASSUM3 UR PARADIGMZ D00D sez Derridandeli0n.

Th3n thay camed 2 a riv3r n Hag3l fr3ak 0ut cuz hiz paradigm didnt c0ver cr0ssin riv3rz vary g00d.

LIEK CHILL 0UT D00D TH3 PR0LATARIAT DESTANY WILL CARRY US THR0UGH MY W3IRD P0WERZ SAY ITS ALL C00L sed Fiv0r.

YEAH U R S00000 CAUGHT UP WITH THAT ANTITH3SIS STUF D00D sez Derridandeli0n.

Kmart th3ir gull friend thats multicultural iz lik3 VE C0MMIN UP T0 D3R PRIDG3 DAT IST CONC3PT U RABBITEN DONT GET S0 JUST D0 VHAT I ZSAY DUDEN. S0 thay dud n Derridandeli0n kn3w all ab0ut bridg3s fr0m wh3n she wuz a hutch rarebit wh0 th0uhgt sh3 wuz 0rdanary only sh3 didnt cuz sh3 und3rmin3d that tr0pe n sh3s liek THIS BRIGD3 IZ N0THIN WHAT U GUYS ALL FR3AK 0UT F0R n thayre liek U R S0 FULL A URSELF GIRL n shez WHUTEVER D00DZ P0STCOLONIALISM T0DALLY INVALIDAT3S UR TH3ORY. N Blackbarry seez a boat n iz liek WUTS THAT n Kmarts liek IST A BOAT n Derridandeli0ns liek NO DUH n Blackbarrys liek KEWL THIS T0DALLY ENGINEERS 0UR SUCC33SS RATE IN THIS THING n Hegels liek I D0NT GIT IT n Blackb3rrys liek D00D!!!111111!!1 OMG LOL WTF UR SYNTHASIS IS EPIC FAIL W3 GIT ON THA B0AT N W3 BIET THA RO0PE N 0FF WE G0 N GEN3RAL W0UNDWORT D0ESNT KN0W LIEK DUH n Derridandeli0ns liek D0NT DIS HAZ3L HE CANT H3LP BEIN LAM0R CUZ HES A P0WER STRUCTUR3 n Kmarts liek YA EES G00T Y0U D0 DIS TING N0W DUDEN n Hagels liek Y3AH GIT 0UTA HER3 BIGWIG U R S3CRET AGENT RABBIT N0W n Bigs liek OK U R TEH P0WER STRUCKER N IM P0WER STRUCK S0 SAY0NARA D00DZ n the robots r liek SEEYA DONT WANNA BE YA D00D.

 

 

Chaptar 13. THIS CHAPT3R GOTS LOTTA EXP0SITI0N BUT WE HAEV TEH R0BOTS D0 IT THAT IMM3RSES THA R3ADER IN STUF N0T LIEK WH3N TEH NARRATER SEZ T00 MUCH THATS BORIN N ALS0 THIS WAY LOOKS L3SS HEG3MONISM OMG WTF LOL!!!11!!!11!!11!11111

Gen3ral W0undwortovgotted disp0ssessed cuz teh humanz n elilz kilt hiz par3nts n h3 gots r3scued by a nic3 human wh0 fed him n stuf but hez liek IM N0T G0NNA BE HEG3MONIZ3D WIT A V3LVET GL0EV N STUF IM BLOWIN THIS J0INT s0 he excaped S0 hez p0stc0l0nial n he join3d a warr3n n hez liek IM UR P0WER STRUCTER D00DZ cuz natuer abh0rrs a vacuum n stuf n thare wuznt a p0wer structer s0 h3 becamed one n hez liek I G0TTA D0 A ID3OL0GY 2 SH0RE UP TEH P0WER STRUCTUR3S HER3 N ALS0 I G0TTA C0-OPT THA STRONG3R R0BOTS SO THAYLL BE 0N MY SID3 s0 hes liek:

H3Y D00DZ TEH C0MMON G00D IZ WUT I SAY IT IZ N ITS THAT W3 HIED FR0M THE HUMANZ THEYRE T0DALY PUBLIC ENAMY NUMB3R 1 S0 WERE M0VIN 2 ALFALFA 0R AFRICA 0R WHAT3VER N I G0T A SYST3M WHER3 TEH HUMANZ CANT GIT US UNTIL WE TURN INT0 UBERM3NSCHEN N CAN PWN THAM BUT FIRST W3 G0TTA BEC0ME A P0WER STRUCTUR3 S0 D0 WUT I SAY.

N he w0n th3ir l0yalty by pr0tectin th3m fr0m eldars thats credat0rs n helpin dig n stuf n h3 picked teh likeli3st lads liek T0lkein calls th3m n mad3 th3m 0wslacers n gav3 th3m privil3ges s0 theyre t0dally c0-opted n he made a id3ology called W0undwortism witch sez he r00lz.

N he c0m3 up wit th3 marks s0 the rarebits r split up that maeks th3m easi3r 2 c0ntrol n keep hidd3n s0 its call3d Marksism n h3 invent3d tha Politburr0w thats the council 0f teh smart3st r0bots n the smart3st 0f all wuz Snowdrov h3 cum up wit th3 idea that teh Marks wer3 separate s0 diseas3s n c0nspiracies wouldnt spr3ad n als0 that teh warr3n w0uldntnt git bigg3r cuz its hard3r 2 hied its call3d Marksism in 0ne warran but W0undwort didnt liek this cuz it m3ant he c0uldnt git moer p0wer s0 he inv3nted teh Wide Patr0ls which axplored n kilt dang3r0us animalz n if th3y f0und rarebits thay mad3 tham j0in teh warr3n 0r at l3ast bec0me memb3rs of Rabintern s0 they g0ttaed do things liek Afrifans d0 cuz they r heg3MONz but liek I sed th3y co-0pted th3m by makin them Owls thats 0fficerz. S0 th3y t00k berri3z n used tham 2 smear patri0tic sl0ganz 0n burr0w wallz.

But lat3ly ther3 wuz s0me chinks in teh heg3monism cuz d0es wer3 gettin a attitud3 0r wer3 startin 2 qu3sti0n staright whiet mael d0minance cuz liek Uma Naraya,n sez the developm3nt of a f3minist perspectiev that is liek committ3d to anti3ssentialism both about 'wom3n' and about 'cultur3s' is a urgent and imp0rtant task for a postc0lonial f3minist perspectiv3. Applyin this insight 2 Alfalfa d0es iz t0dally a urg3nt desid3ratum d00dz. But anyway we r d0in W0undwortovs perspectiv3 which liek t0dally n3gates teh validity 0f any 0ther id3ol0gy 0r s0urce of powar s0 fr0m that p3rspeciev th3 does wuz bad cuz thay mised en qu3stion if Africa r00led or suxored. N teh 0wslifers werent c0nsidered as kewl as bef0re cuz p3ople th0ught they wer3 b0rin n c0rporate liek Subaru us3d 2 claim 0ther cars r but thats manipulatin teh aesthetics a hip 2 sh0re up teh system OMG WTF LOL!!!!!1!!!!11!1!.

N THEN TH3SE WANDERIN ROB0TS CAME IN N CLAIM3D 2 BE A EMBASSY THATS CRAP CUZ IT IMPLIES 0THER L3GITIMAET CENTR3S 0F POW3R EXIST N TH3Y F00LED A 0FFICER BUGLESS N G0T AWAY N W3 GOTTAED DEM0TE HIM N TH3N A COUPL3 0THER OWLIFERS G0T KILT BY A F0X THAT WUZ AFT3R AN0THER ROB0T THAT APP3ARED OUTA N0WHERE N IT TURNED 0UT TH3RE WUZ A WHOL3 BUNCHA R0BOTS WE GOTTA GIT THEM CUZ 0UR ID3OLOGY IZ WERE THA 0NLY RABB0T POW3R STRUCTUR3 sed W0undwort.

YESSIR DOOD iz liek Capn Chevrolet or Chevvy for sh0rt.

Y0 GENERAL W0UNDWORT0V SIR D00D W3 G0TS A LESS33 THATS ANY RABBIT N0T UNDER DIR3CT ALFALFA R00L CUZ LIEK I SAID W3 DONT ACKN0WLEDGE OTHER POW3R CENTRES N ANYWAYS HE WANTS 2 J0IN AFRICA sed Capn Capn.

WANTS 2? WTF WE'LL SEE HIM 2M0RR0W IM BUSY iz liek W0undwort.

OK D00D SIR BUT HE LOOKS US3FUL 2 M3 N0T UR ORDANARY REFUG33 TYPE THIS GUY G0T GROMBAS N MY SENTRI3S G0T HIM AT TEH CRISSCR0SS THAT WHER3 2 BRIDAL PATHS MEET S0 ITS LIMINAL sez Capn.

OK FINE ILL M33T HIM N0W BUT I DONT G0T MUCH TIEM BEIN A P0WER STRUCTUR3 TAEKS TIEM N W0RK U KN0W D00D sez W0undwortov.

WH0 R U sez W0undwort0v wh3n thay meet up wit teh robot we kn0w its Big but d0nt say s0 cuz we r f0llowin Afrifa perspectiv3.

IM THAYL0R sez teh rabb0t.

THAYLOR SIR iz liek Capn thats teh verbalizati0n a d0minance but Bigs liek WATEVER.

WHY D0 U WANNA J0IN ALFALFA sez W0undwort.

LIEK D00D U S00000 DONT GIT PR U R SUPP0SED 2 BE ALL LIEK W0W THIS WARR3N R00LZ BUT U T0DALLY UND3RESTIMAET UR 0WN KEWLNESS THIS JOINT R0X0R sez Big.

N W0undwortovs liek WH0AH N0 OTHAR ROB0T EV3R SED THAT WUTS UP but he didnt say this cuz liek u cant und3rmin3 ur 0Wn id3ol0gy if u r a p0wer strucker.

Y3AH BUT WHY SH0ULD W3 HIR3 U sez W0undwortov. WHUT CAN U C0NTRIBUT3 2 0UR LIEK 0RGANIZATION?????//?? WTF

CUZ IM T0DALY BAD*SS N CAN B3AT P3OPLE UP N I CAN SP0IL A ST0RY TELLIN IT CUZ NARRATIEV IZ SUBV3RSIEV ANYWAY N I WUZ A 0FFIC3R IN A OWLSA iz liek Bigwig.

CAN U BEAT CAPN CAPN UP? Sez W0undwortov not3 h3 d0esnt say cl3ver stuff cuz h3 gotta stay h3gemonic.

IF U WANT sez Big n aim a bl0w at Capn Capn wh0 jumps 0uta the way n W0undwort iz liek D0NT BE A T0DAL LAM0R D00D JUST T3LL M3 AB0UT UR OWSLIFER AXPERIENCE N D0NT BOTH3R AB0UT SALARY REQUIERM3NTS CUZ UND3R W0UNDWORTISM U DONT GIT ANY BUT THARES L0TS BENAFITS.

I WUZ IN A 0WSLA FAR AWAY FR0M HER3 BUT TEH HUMANS KILT TH3 WARR3N CUZ THAY SM0KED SM3LLY WHIET STICKS THAT TR0PES THEYRE 3VIL N PR0BLY W0RKIN CLASS BUT I EXCAPED N I H3ARD UR WARR3N IZ LIEK W0W S0 I COME A L0NG WAYS 2 J0IN IT sed Big.

OK WE'LL PUT U AS 0FFICER IN THE N3AR HIND MARX S0 CAPN CHEVVY IZ UR SUP3RI0R HE'LL BIET U BUT DONT B3AT ANY0NE UP UNL3SS WE TELL U CUZ WE G0TTA KEEP THA HI3RARCHY sez W0undwortov s0 he g0t bit by the Marksists.

***

D0 THAY TRY 2 RUN AWAY TH3Y L00K PRETTY LIEK C0RRECTLY 0RIENTED 2 THA LEADIN ID3OL0GY N STUFF sez Big wh0 wuz gettin train3d by Chevvy n hiz s3c0nd c0mmand Av0n.

YEAH TH3YRE USUALLY N0 TR0UBLE BUT U NEV3R KN0W THA RIGHT FLANK WUZ T0DALLY C0RRECT N0T IN A D0GMATIC WAY BUT THEY LIEK CARRY LITTL3 RED LEAFS WITH GENERAL WOUNDW0RTS WISD0M ON THEM N STUF BUT TH3Y G0TTED F0UR LESSEES THATS FOREIGN ROB0TS WISH3D 0N TH3M BY TEH P0LITBURR0W N THAY UP N RUN N GIT 0VER TEH BURROW WALL sez Avon.

U G0TTA BE STRICT 0N BURYIN HRAKA THATS ROB0T P00P CUZ TH3Y WANNA BE NATURAL N DONT GIT THAT S0CIETY REQUIERZ C00PERATIN 4 TEH GR3ATER G00D CUZ WERE BUILDIN TEH P3RFECT LAPINE S0CIETY D00D N THAT MEANZ W3 CANT HAEV PREDAT0RZ SMELLIN 0UR P00 L00 S0 I MAEK SOEM 0F TH3M DIG A N3W LATRIEN EV3RY DAY AS A PUNISHM3NT N IF U D0NT FIND ANY 2 PUNISH U CAN JUST PICK A RAND0M RABBIT N SAY TH3Y DID IT ITS CALL3D PURGIN sez Chevvy.

LIEK W0W BUT H0W D0 U CHECK TH3M IN FR0M SILFLAY THAT WH3N THAY G0 0UT 2 EAT sez Bigwig.

THAY D0 A PAW PRINT 0N A LEAF TH3Y KEEP ONE COPY 3 SHOW N W3 SEE IF IT MATCH TEH C0PY THAY GUV US N TH3 P0LITBURR0W ALSO HAS A PAW C0PY BUT THATS ONLY IF EXTR3ME STUFF HAPP3NS sed Chevvy.

IF A ELDIL THATS CREDAT0R TURN UP W3 JUST B0LT 4 TEH NEARAST H0LE BUT N0 RAREBIT WILL RUN 2WARDS A PRETI0R ANYWAYS EV3N DISSIDENTS RNT ST00PID U KN0W add3d Av0n.

UR SACURITY MEASUR3S R LIEK WAY AW3S0ME D00DZ sez Big but liek Fr3nch sch0lers say etr3 n paraitr3 Bigs paraitr3 iz LIEK W0W but hiz reality wuz THIS SUX TH3SE GUYS R HARDC0RE.

OK D00DZ TIEM FOR SILFLAY CH3CK THEIR PAWPRINTS N MAEK SUR3 THAY 0NLY EAT IN LIEK P0LITBURR0W APPR0VED PLAC3S sez Chevvy.

N wh3n th3y gits 0utside Bigwig s33s a (black n0te h0w hes maj0rly racially 0ther) rabbot wh0se earstyles t0dally mess3d up cuz p0wer structurez 0parate by messin up ur a3sthetics n obvi0usly tha inh3rent vi0lence 0f teh system had t0dally g0t him n h3 wuz surr0unded by 2 Hraka guyz u rem3mber thayre secr3t polic3 n Bigs liek WH0 R U D00D.

N hes liek IM BLAKHAR0V D00D SIR n Bigs liek W0W U MUST BE A WOUND3D VET3RAN WTH A H0NORABLE ESC0RT R U HER3 2 SILFLAY N WUT HER0IC STUF DID U D0 cuz he s0000 misr3ad tha signifi3r n signifi3d th0ugh liek T0lkien sez Barth3s iz kinda lam3 hez liek IM ALL THAT N S0000 AVANT GARD3 n we r liek WHAT3VER D00D WUT WUZ AVANT GARD3 30 Y3ARS AG0 IZ WAY LAM3 N0W.

N0 D00D SIR I DONT EAT N0W I LIEK UM U KN0W ... iz liek Blakhar0v n teh Hraka 0fficers r liek GIT 0N WITH IT D00D n Blakhar0vs liek IM HER3 S0 TEH MARK CAN SEE MY PUNISHM3NT F0R TRYIN 2 DEF3CT CUZ 0F TEH BLANDISHMANTS 0F RABBITALISM N BETRAYIN TEH RABBITARIAT THA P0LITBURR0W WUZ MERCIFUL THE P0LITBURR0W WUZ MERCIFUL I LOV3 BIG BR0THER N STUFF SIR D00D.

HE TRIED 2 DEF3CT N GIT PAST CH3CKP0INT C0TTONTAIL N CAPN CAPN BR0UGHT HIM BACK N H3S SUPP0SED 2 BE SH0WN 2 ALL TEH MARX BUT HE WONT LAST MUCH L0NGER HELL MEET A BLACK3R ROB0T THAN HIMS3LF THATS RACE STUFF sez Chevvy.

N Bigs liek LIEK W0W n sees thr33 0r f0ur d0es one 0f tham wuz Derridandeli0n but in a clev3r disguis3 cuz a3sthetics liek d0es stuff 2 idantity d00dz n called h3rself Derridinskaya. N she wuz talkin 2 an0ther d0e that wored j3anz n lipstick n had a t3ashirt that sed TH3 TRIX RABIIT R00LZ n that wuz supp0sed 2 be t0dally darin cuz the Trix rabbits a rabitalist n Capn Chevyz liek Y0 NELLYHEEHA U GETTIN 0N WIT UR N3W FRIENDZ n shes liek LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!1!1111!!!!! D00D U WILL GIT 0N T00 LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!1!1111!!!!! LIEK CAPN MALLOTOV THAT TEH D00D THAT GOT LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!1!1111!!!!! KILT BY A F0X HE G0T 0N GIT IT OMG WTF LOL!!!11!!!!!!11!!11 WHAY D0NT U S3ND S0ME D0ES 0N WIDE LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!1!1111!!!!!PATR0L D00D n sh3 p0pped h3r bubble grass cuz she wuz 0nly a f3w m0nths 0ld thay liek ch3win grass n spittin it 0ut in big bubbl3z thay think  thats way kewl n mak3s them m0d3rn n y0uth cultuer but hip iz t0daly expl0ded thats why lat3ly I ware crin0line 2 undermien teh d0minant n0tion 0f hip.

N Bigz liek WTF n Chevyz liek YEAH THEREZ BEEN S0EM TR0UBLE WIT D0ES LAT3LY N THAY D0 SAMIZDAT N STUF N NELLYHEEHA THINKS THAYRE WAY K3WL S0 SH3 KEEPS DISSIN US KINDA LIEK A CARNIVAL3SQUE ESCAEP VALV3 THAT IN TEH END ACTUALLY R3INF0RCES 0UR DOMINENCE BUT I STILL WANT U WATCH TEH D0ES N ESPECIALLY DERRIDINSKAYA SH3 KEEPS QUOTIN CLEVER TH3ORISTS ITS PR0BLY JUST STUPID D0E STUF BUT U NEV3R KN0W IF SUBV3RSIEV STUF LURKS UND3R ACAD3MIC CRAP.

KEWL sez Bigwig WUTS TH3 R00LZ F0R GETTIN IT 0N WIT D0ES.

OH WERE 0FFICERZ S0 P0WER STRUCTUR3S SAY W3 GIT ANY D0EZ WE WANT THEREZ JUST 3 0F US 0WLS IN THE MARK N PL3NTY A D0ES JUST NOT IN 0THER MARKS ITS RUD3 2 TH3 0FFICERZ THER3 PLUS U CANT G0 IN 0THER MARKS WITOUT A PAWP0RT ANYWAYS sez Chevvy.

AWES0ME sez Big.

N the d0e nam3d oh I f0rget what but it wuz l0ng n had Zs n THs in it we'll liek just call h3r H33hee cuz sh3 begunned wit a H iz d0in p0em stuf n shes liek

L0NG AG0
STUF R00LED CUZ W3 C0ULD D0 WHUT WE LIEK LIK3D
ALTH0UGH WHUT U LIK3 IZ C0NDITI0NED N STUFF
BUT N0W W3 CANT SO LIEF SUX.

L0NG AG0
THA P0WER STRUCTUR3S LET US MAT3 WIT WH0EVER W3 WANT3D
BUT N0W THA 0FFICERZ GIT FIRST DIBS N TH3N WH0EVER LIEK IZ IN G00D WIT THA P0WERS
S0 MY L0VE LIEF IZ CRAP.

YEAH LIEF T0DALLY SUX
CUZ TEH P0WER STRUCTUR3S MAEK M3 SICK
N LIEF W0NT N0T SUCK AGAIN S0 IM G0NNA G0 T0DALLY ANGSTY N EM0 N INT3RNALIZ3 MY 0WN 0PPRESSI0N.

THATS DEEP CUZ TEH JUNCTUR3 IM PR0P0SIN IZ T0DALLY EXTR3ME ITS A L0CATI0N WHER3IN THE PRAXIS 0F THIRD-W0RLD F3MINISM MAJ0RLY LINKS UP N CRISSCR0SS3S WITH P0STC0L0NIAL THE0RIES 0F CULTURE D0 A SHAR3D C0MPRANESI0N 0F OPP0SITI0NAL CONSCI0USNESS LIEK CHELA SANDOVAL SEZ sez D3rridandali0n.

N Bigwigz liek YEAH I L0VE U N WHATS UR NAM3Z I 0NLY KN0W NELLYHAHA N DERRIDAN.. DERRIDANSKAYA.

N th3yre liek IM THESISTHANG IM HEEHEE.

HEEHEE THEN U R TEH 0NE WH0 ... UM N3VER MIND sez Big n D3rridandali0ns liek LOL n Big iz liek W0W SHES T0DALY SHElL-SHOCKED N ANGST CITY N STUF LIEK H3R LIEF MUST T0DALLY WAY MAJ0R SUX.

N Nellyhahas lik3 CAN W3 G0 SIR D00D 0FFICERZ S00000 0VERPOWER-STRUCTUREZ US WTF OMG LOL!!!!!1!!!!!!1!1!1111111111!1!!!!!1111 U CAN T0DALLY HAEV 2 MUCH 0F A BAD THING LOL WTF OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!111!1111!1!1!!!!!1!11!!11!!!!11!11111!!11!!111111! N sh3 p0p h3r bubble grass s0 it liek splatt3red all 0ver teh burr0w shez kinda immatur3 d00dz n shez liek I R0X0R CUZ IM HANGIN 0UT WIT TH3 KEWL SET.

ER UM OK sez Big n she sez 2 teh 0ther d0es OMG WTF WUT A T0DAL LAM0R LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!11!!11!111

 

Chapt3r 14. LIEK D00DZ THIS WAT3RSHOP MALL CHAPT3R IZ T0DALLY ROX0R AW3S0ME D00DZ OMG!!1!1!! CUZ IT GOTS D33P EPIST0MOL0GY W0W

Th3n Bigwig wand3red ar0und talkin 2 sentries n stuf theyre liek W0W BEIN OWLS R00LZ N IF W3 GIT 0FFIC3RZ THAT W0ULD T0DALLY R0X CUZ TH3Y GITS THEIR 0WN BURR0WZ CALLED DACHAS N STUFF.

S0 Big sez BRING HEEH33 2 MY BURR0W.

N th3y did n shez liek ITS N0T MY MATIN S3AS0N D00D SIR.

N hes liek D0NT PLAY DUMB I KN0W WH0 DERRIDANSKAYA IZ SHES FR0M 0UR WARR3N N I KN0W ALL AB0UT CAPN HOLY 2.

N shes liek LIEK W0W WHATS TEH EPIST0MOL0GY THAT MADE U KN0W THAT WTF.

N hes liek DIDNT DERRIDANSKAYA T3LL U TH3RES A SECR3T AG3NT.

N shes liek YEAH BUT SHES C0Y 0N WH0 IT IZ SHES M0STLY TEACHIN US TH3ORY 0NCE SHES LIEK ITS GEN3RAL WOUNDW0RTOV WHICH W0ULD MAJ0RLY C0NTRADICT ANY PARADIGM W3 KNOW THATS WHY NELLYS LIEK OMG WTF LO...

N hes liek I CAN TODALLY GU3SS. S0 U KN0W TEH ROB0TS G0T AWAY.

N shes liek YEAH I GU3SSED THAT ITS HARD 2 TELL STUFF FR0M DERRIDANSKAYA CUZ H3R C0NVERSATI0N IZ WAY 0VER 0UR HEADS ESP3CIALLY NELLY SHE LIEKS 2 THR0W IN WEIRD TH30RY W0RDS SHES LIEK I NEED 2 SUBALTERN HRAKA N STUFF.

N hes liek YEAH ANYWAY WH3N WERE READY 2 SCRAM W3 SEND NEWS BY A SEAGULL WH0 TALKS FAKE G3RMAN BUT H0W D0 U KN0W IM N0T A P0LITBURR0W SPY.

N shes liek DERRIDANSKAYA TELLED US U G0T A FREIND WIT PSYCHIC P0WERZ S0 D0 I I SEE L0TS A HUMAN STUF N A R0PE N A D0G N A RABBIT DRIVIN A CAR CUZ TEH MEANZ 0F PR0DUXTI0N R SOOOOOO U KNOW BUT IM TALKIN CRAP MY P0WERZ SUX IN ALFALFA CUZ TEH HIST0RICAL MAT3RIALISM GITS ME D0WN.

N hez liek W0W MY FREIND TALKS JUST LIEK THAT ONLY M0RE SARCASTIC N H3 NEVER SHUTS UP WH3N D3RRIDANDALI0NS N0T TALKIN.

Th3n D3rridandali0n turnz up n Big n Hee r liek H0W DID U GIT HER3 n shes liek LOL I JUST REWR0TE TEH PARADIGM N I F00LED THA 0FFICERZ BUT I D0NT WANNA GIT IN2 D3TAILS BUT IF U N THESISTHANG WER3 LEAD3RZ 0F D0E REVOLT H0W COM3 THAY PUT U 2GETHER.

N Hehees liek TEH 0RDERS WERE 2 F0R EACH MARX BUT THAY DIDNT SAY WHICH 2 S0 THEYRE LIEK WHAT3VER. TH3N BLAKHAR0V H3 WUZ 0UR ADVISER BUT WH3N WE PETITI0N TEH P0LITBURR0W THAY DONT L3T US TALK 2 HIM ANYMOR3 N HE LIEK RUNNED AWAY BUT TH3Y G0TTED HIM N HE G0T MAJ0RLY PURGED.

S0 H0W MANY D0ES W0ULD J0IN US N0T THAT IM D0IN A PHALL0G0CENTRIC THING WH3RE ITS ALL AB0UT REDUCIN STUFF 2 QUANITFYABLE BITS BUT U KN0W LIEK sed D3rridandali0n.

OH L0ADS BUT W3 MUSTNT T3LL THAM TILL W3RE READY CUZ N0 ONE CAN KEEP S3CRETS HERE ITS A T0DAL PAN0PTICON DOODZ WE'LL JUST T3LL THESISTHANG N ESP3CIALLY N0T NELLY SHE LIEK S000000000 D0ESNT GIT THA INHERANT VI0LENC3 0F THE SYSTAM D00DZ sez Heehee.

YEAH N TEH BIRDS FIGHTIN 0N 0UR SIED BUT I CANT EXPLAIN ALL TEH PLAN CUZ UR W0RLDVIEW D0ESNT HAVE THA NEC3SSARY C0NCEPTS LIEK HAVE U SEEN A RIV3R sed D3rridandali0n.

N Heehees liek WUTS A RIV3R.

NEV3R MIND SHES JUST PLAYIN WIT UR MIND D0 WUT WE SAY N ITLL ALL BE KEWL sez Big. N WE R BRINGIN BLAKHAR0V WITH US CUZ HES 0PPRESS3D.

Y3AH N HES S0 G00D L00KIN 2 I LIEK DISSID3NTS REJ3CTIN THE D0MINANT PARADIGM IZ A TURN 0N sez D3rridandali0n. That mis3s en questi0n constructin sentances.

LIEK WHOAH HES ALWAYS GUARD3D BY HRAKA THATS SECR3T P0LICE N CAPN CAPN WILL GIT U sez Heehee.

N Big iz liek QEWL THEN I GIT 2 PR0VE MY MACHISM0.

WED BETT3R GIT BACK NOW THAYLL W0NDER WHY U R S0 L0NG WITH 2 D0ES WH0 RN'T EV3N IN MATIN S3AS0N LOL!!!!111!!! sed D3RridandalI0N n Bigwigs liek PL3ASE D0NT D0 THAT IT R3MIND M3 0F NELLYHAHA N H3R BAD MARKSIST P3RFUME.

~~~

OK DUDEN VAT VE D0 NOW? sez Kmart.

WELL LIEK FIRST WE G0TTA DEPL0Y TEH RABBITS N3AR TEH ARCH UNDER THAT BRIDG3 THING  T0NIGHT N IZ TEH B0AT STILL THER3 CUZ IF N0T WERE SCREW3D N S3C0ND S33 TH0SE R0B0TS THEYRE SENTRYS U G0TTA ATTACK THAM N D0 OFF3NSIVE STUFF 2 TH3M sez Bigwig wh0 kn3w strat3gy stuff cuz he wuz a 0wlsa.

KEWL DER 0THER RAREBITS SAY U LIEK WAY ROXEN D00DEN N BL00PER HEZ THE GUY WH0 SEZ ALL TEH FUNNY STUFF HE SEZ BRINGEN V0NE BAB3 FOR TEH 0THER ROBOTS N TW0 F0R HIM CUZ RABBITS R TODALLICH PATRIARCHISCH DUDEN sez Kmart.

N th3n Capn Chevvy turnz up n Kmart fl3wed away.

H0W C0ME U HANGIN 0UT WITH THAT BIRD TAYL0R sez Chevvy.

I WUZ D0IN SILFLAY THATS FEEDIN N IM A T0UGH GUY IM N0T SCARED 0F BIRDZ sez Big.

ITS DANG3ROUS N ILL HAV3 2 R3P0RT IT THATS H0W P0WER STRUCTUR3S W0RK HER3 D00D CUZ TEH GR3ATER G00D LIEK S000 D3MANDS IT S0 IM REPORTIN IT N0W U N AV0N GIT TEH MARK BACK IN TEH BURR0WS sez Chevvy n Bigs liek OK WHATEV3R.

N Av0ns liek DID U GIT IT 0N WIT THAT EMO CHICK cuz Alfalfa 0fficerz r s3xist n hes liek N0 I MAED A MISTAEK ITS N0T H3R MATIN SEAS0N n Av0ns liek WUT AB0UT THA SMART CHICK WH0 TALKS 2 MUCH n Bigs liek SHE TALK3D AWAY MY LIBID0 n Avons liek BUMM3R D00D.

S0 h3 hung 0ut for a bit wit 0ther African hobbits s0 he c0uld s33m liek hes int3gratin in2 thair s0ciety n l3arnt h0w thay did th3ir earz n stuff n iz all r3ady f0r teh big climactic mom3nt wh3n they git th3 does wh3n suddenly W0undwortov g0ez up 2 him n sez TAYL0R W3 G0TTA D0 A PRIVAET AUDI3NCE.

N Bigs liek WUT D00D SIR.

N W0undwortovs liek U WERE JUST HANGIN 0UT WIT TEH N3AR HIND MARX N THERES THIS R0BOT NAM3D GRENDEL HES A S3NTRY DID U M33T HIM BEF0RE.

N0 SIR CUZ TEH TEMP0RAL NATUR3 0F OUR BEIN T0DALLY PR3VENTS MY MEETIN HIM BEF0RE I CAMED HER3 sez Biggy.

N0 IT D0ESNT CUZ W3 D0 WID3 PATR0LZ WHARE W3 G0 AR0UND HEG3MONIZIN N H3 WUZ ON 0NE WHARE H3 SAW U RUN FR0M A F0X sez W0undwortov.

YEAH I RAN AWAY FR0M A F0X S0 WUT SIR D00D sez Big.

IM ASKIN TEH QU3STIONZ CUZ THATS TEH PRAGMATICS 0F S0CIAL HI3RARCHY THAT R00LZ N U LED TEH F0X ONT0 SOM3 R0B0TS N IT KILT ON3 is liek W0undwortov.

YEAH IT WUZ A ACCID3NT BUT PROBLY IT W0ULD GIT HIM ANWAY D00D SIR sez Big.

NO IT W0ULDNT THAT SUX THAT WUZ MALLOTOV HES A ALFALFAN 0FFICER N H3 KN3W H0W 2 HANDL3 F0XES IF U HADNT B33N SO DUMB sez W0undwortov.

N Biggys liek S0RRY D00D SIR.

OK N AN0THER THING CAPN MALLOTOV WUZ D0IN ESPI0NAGE 2 A BUNCH A FOR3IGN RABBOTS WUT D0 U KN0W AB0UT TH3M sed W0undwortov.

N Bigs liek I D0NT KN0W NOTHIN I SAW TH3IR TRACKS TH3Y L00KED LIEK T0DAL LAM0RZ 2 ME.

OK N THAT BIRD THING THAT WUZ DUMB WHY DID U D0 IT sez W0undwortov.

I WANT3D 2 SH0W CAPN CHEVVY IM S000 LIEK MACH0 N GEND3R R0LE N I R00L D00D SIR sez Biggy.

OK BUT IM TH3 P0WER STRUCTUR3 S0 IMPR3SS ME BY G0IN WIT ME 0N PATR0L 2 HEGEM0NIZE THE ROBBITS WED GIT IF U HADNT G0EN BLUNDERIN IN2 CAPN MALLOT0VS WAY D00D sed W0undwortov.

ID MAJ0RLY LIEK 2 SERV3 TEH PARTY N STUF D00D SIR is liek Bigwig.

KEWL THAT REMINDZ M3 U G0TTA KEEP 0N INT3RR0GATIN TEH D0ES I DONT CARE IF THEYRE R3ADY 2 MATE 0R N0T 0R IF U GIT TW3NTY AT 0NCE 0R WUT S3XUAL M0RES U VI0LAET S0 L0NG AS TH3IR DISS3NT IZ ST0PPED BEF0RE IT S000000000 UND3RMIN3Z TEH S0CIAL 0RDER D00D N0W U CAN G0 sez W0undwortov.

YESSIR D00D iz liek Biggy.

~~~

LIEK WH0AH WHARES BIGWIG DID TIM3 N SPAC3 N LIEK CAUSALITY N STUF GIT T0DALLY SCR3WED UP 0R DID TEH ALFALFANS GIT HIM CUZ HE ANTITH3SISED THAIR THESIS sed Heg3l.

LIEK CHILL HEGEL-RAH THAT M3ANZ CHEIF D00D PR0BLY H3 JUST HAD 2 D0 TACTICAL WITHDRAWAL STUF N W3D BETT3R D0 WITHDRAWIN 2 N S3ND KMART F0R AN0THER MESSAG3 2MORR0W sed Fiv0r n Hazels liek YEAH.

LIEK IS BIG OK ID BE BUMM3D IF HE ISNT sed Pippin.

D0NT W0RRY HES FIEN N IF N0T ILL G0 IN2 ALFALFA MYS3LF N D0 A SURGICAL TACTIC THING sez Hazzle.

M3 T00 I WANNA BE ON3 0F UR COMMAND0ES D00D sez Pippin cuz rarebits r patriarchal that maeks th3m militarist.

~~~

LIEK DERRIDANSKAYA N BIGWIG WUT W3 D0 N0W W3 T0LED THA D0ES N THAT INCLUD3S NELLYHEEHA N U CANT KEEP SECR3TS IN AFRICA CUZ TEH FL0W 0F INF0RMATI0N IZ ALWAYS G0IN UP 2 P0WER STRUCTUR3S N 0NE OF TEH D0UGHS MIGHT
EV3N B3 A SPY sed Hehee.

D0NT W0RRY ILL BE UR MAEL PR0TECT0R CUZ IF I RUN AWAY MY MACH0 IMAG3 WILL MAJ0RLY SUCK CUZ AESTH3TICS D0 STUF 2 IMAG3Z sez Bigwig.

WTF LOL!!!11!!!!! WE D0NT N33D MAEL PR0TECTIN W3 JUST NEED N0T 2 BE DUMB N FR3AK 0UT BUT D0 0UR STRAT3GIC TACTICS N0T THAT IM MILITERIST CUZ THATS CRAP BUT IF THE NARRATIEV PUTS U IN A SCR3W UP U G0TTA DEC0NSTRUCT IT TILL ITS N0T SCREW3D UP sed D3rridandali0n.

Th3n whiel th3y did silflay n th3re wuz 0minous thund3r teh Hraka guardz cam3 up wit Blakhar0v wh0 l00ked t0daly em0 n Bigs liek HAEV S0ME CL0VER D00D.

THATS N0T ALL0WED CUZ DISSID3NTS R BAD CUZ THAY M3SS UP THA PARADIGM sed 0ne of the Hrakas.

OH L3T HIM HAEV IT BARTSIA D00D THIS OMIN0US THUND3R N S0UND TRACK IZ A MAJ0R LIEK BUMMER F0R EV3RY0NE L3T ALOEN THA PRIS0NER D00D sez the oth3r Hraka.

The Marx w3nt up f0r silflay n thay all l00ked depr3ssed ev3n Capn Chevvy n Av0n but NelLYHEEHA wuz liek poppin bubble grass n h3r t-shirt wuz all I R00L OMG n shes liek WTF LOL!!!!!!!111111!!11!!!!11!!!!!111!!!!!!11!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!111! CAPN CHEVVY D00D U'D BETT3R BRAC3 UP CUZ U MIGHT GIT A SURPRIS3 D00D LIEK OMG D0EZ MIGHT T0DALLY GIT LOL WINGZ N FLY CUZ SECR3TS R S000000000 LIEK OMG LOL FAST3R THAN A V0DKA SH0T THAT A KIND A F3RMENTED DEW THAT ALFALFA ROB0TS DRINK 2 F0RGET H0W LIEF UND3R TEH SYST3M SUX OMG WTF LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!1!!!111!!1!­1!!!!!!!!!!!1111!111!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111­1!!11111111!!1!!11!111111111!!!!­!!111111!!111!1!1!11111­11111111!!!!!1!1­111111111

N u c0uld argu3 shes actually bein brillient cuz all teh LOLs n excamation p0ints n stuf t0daly 0scure teh substanc3 kinda liek a anti-disc0urse but th3 Alfalfan 0fficerz wer3 all train3d in h3r ling0 s0 thats crap but sh3 wuz probly dumb 3n0ugh 2 think thats wut she was doin n0t 2 dis m3ntally chall3nged esp3cially sinc3 IQ iz liek s000000000 explod3d d00dz.

 

 

Chaptar 15. TH3 AESTH3TICS IN THIS CHAPT3R R KINDA OBVIUS BUT STILL LIK3 T0DALLY AFF3CTIEV IN MANIPULATIN UR R3ADER RASPONSE D00DZ

But bef0re chevvy c0uld interragate Nellyheeha kmart turnz up n chevvys liek THERRES THAT BIRD AGAIN ITS MAJ0RLY TICKING M3 0FF BIRDS SUX CUZ THAYRE N0N-W0UNDWORTIST N CANT B3 C0NDITI0NED THRU PR0PAGANDA CUZ TH3Y D0NT TALK LAPIEN N TH3Y T0DALY D0NT FOLL0W 0UR PARADIGM D00D.

LIEK CHILL D00D SIR ALL U G0TTA DO 2 GIT RID 0F IT IZ SAY THA RIGHT CHARM CUZ LANGUAG3 IZ PERF0RMATIVE IF U DO UR PRAGMATICS RIGHT THAT MEANS U G0TTA D0 THE RIGHT RITUAL sez Derridanskaya.

THATS LIEK S000000000 LAME sez Chevvy.

GIEV IT A TRY AT W0RST THA BIRD KILLS H3R N WE D0NT HEAR MOER TH3ORY N AT BEST SH3 D0ES IT N EVERY0NE THINKS U R00L sed Big.

YEAH CUZ P0WER IZ T0DALLY AB0UT A3STHETIC MANIPULATIN 0F IMAG3S D00D sez DerridansKAYA. S0 W3 SCRATCH 0UR F33T N H0P 2 0NE SIDE N 2 AN0THER N C0CK UR EARZ N T0DALLY ALL AR0UND THA KITCHEN C0CKAD00DLED00DLED00 DOOD N U SAY

“Y0 BIRD D00D RACIALLY COD3D AS WHIET
SCRAM N BUG 0FF UNTIL 2NIGHT.”

S0 thay did n Kmart fl3w away. N Biggy n DerridansKAYA r liek SEE IT W0RKED CUZ P3RFORMATIVITY C0NSTRUCTS REALITY n Chevvys liek IT PR0BLY FLOWED AWAY S0 IT C0ULD LAUGH AT US WITH ITS FREINDS W3 MUSTA L00KED LIEK MAJ0R DWEEBS.

Lat3r Biggy gotted a chanc3 2 talk 2 Blakhar0v alon3 cuz hes liek I SERI0USLY NEED 2 HAEV A DUMP cuz rob0ts dont haev human hangups ab0ut pooin exc3pt they dont do it undergr0und cuz their cultural paradigm says thats eew gross so Alfalfa robbits us3d poo as a excus3 2 git 0ut which undermiens tha syst3m n Blakhar0vs there with hiz Hraka guards n th3yre liek U GOTTA WAIT D00D SIR HE W0NT BE L0NG. N Bigs liek NEITH3R WILL I GIT 0UTA THA WAY IM BIGGER N THAT TRUMPS UR POW3R STRUCTUR3S. S0 he sh0ved tham 0uta the way n whisper3d 2 Blakhar0v D00D THIS IZ T0DALY TRUE N DONT DEC0NSTRUCT MY TRUTH CLAIMS I SW3AR BY FRITH THATS TH3 SUN GOD N TH3 BLACK RAREBIT WHICH MEANS THA N0RMATIVE PARADIGM T0DALLY BACKS M3 UP. IM HER3 2 RESCU3 A BUNCH OF DOUGHS N WERE TAKIN U WITH US D0NT DO ANYTHIN JUST BE R3ADY.

Th3n he goed back 2 the hole both Blakhar0vn tha esc0rt wuz takin th3ir tiem no rush 2 g0 back 2 th3 locus of oppr3ssion d00dz.

N Bartsia thats teh Hraka police d00d n he pl0ttin 2 be next in lin3 when the dictaters gon3 hes liek Y0 SIR DOOD U KEEP DISSIN MY POW3R STRUCTUR3S THAT SUX IM REPORTIN U n Bigwigs liek WUTEVER DOOD.

~~~

OK S0 WUTS G0IN 0N KMART D00D BIGWIG THESISED THAT THAY WER3 G0NNA EXCAPE WITH TEH D0ES N TH3N HE ANTITH3SISED THAT IT DIDNT HAPP3N S0 WUTS THE SYNTH3SIS D00D sez Hagel.

HES LIEK G0 AWAY N COM3 BACK TONIGHT DUDEN sed Kmart.

OK WE G0TTA G0 N BE READY 2 HELP sez Hezel.

U G0TTA STAY IN THA B0AT CUZ UR W0UNDED N S0CIETY N33DS U 2 D0 POWER STRUCTUR3 STUFF 0R THER3S CHAOS THATS BAD sed Fiv0r.

OK BUT IF BIGGY D0ESNT COM3 2NIGHT IM GONNA L00K FOR HIM CUZ TH3 GRAETEST HAPPNI3SS OF TEH GREAT3ST NUMB3R TRUMPS ME sed Hazel.

~~~

YO TAYLOR N DERRIDANSKAYA D00DZ THEY ARR3STED NELLYHEEHA iz liek Heehee.

WE R MAJ0RLY SCREW3D sed Big.

NO WERE N0T JUST BRING TEH D0EZ 2 THIS BURR0W THE NARRATIEV SEZ WER3 G0NNA WIN IF WE R N0T DUMB WE G0TTA REWRITE R3ALITY D00DZ sez Derridanskaya.

As s00n as Heehee wuz g0ne Capn Chevvy comes n iz liek WUTS THAT D0E DERRIWUTEVER D0IN HER3 n theyre liek WE WUZ MATIN WERE D0NE NOW.

N Chevvys liek OK TAYL0R LIST3N UP THE POLITBURR0W JUST HAD NELLYHEEHA ARR3STED. U N AVON G0TTA AL3RT TEH SENTRI3S THER3S N0 SILFLAY N BLAKHAR0V D0ESNT N33D 2 COEM HER3 N B3 MAED A EXAMPL3 OF N IF U SEE AV0N T3LL HIM CUZ I DONT HAEV TIM3 2 L00K FOR HIM IM OFF.

S0 they told th3 sentri3s Y0 D00DZ SILFLAYS EARLY 2NIGHT CUZ THE W3ATHER SO GIT WITH GITTIN THE ROB0TS OUT THAT INCLUD3S BLAKHAR0V.

S0 thay did n wh3n Bartsia thats liek s000000000 a perf3ct naem for a evil henchrabbit n0t that Im judg3mental brings Blakhar0v up Bigs liek SORRY DOOD SILFLAY G0TTED CANC3LLED CUZ THA RAIN n th3n h3 n D3rridandali0n w3nt ninja 0n Bartsia n th3 oth3r guard n whupp3d tham this bits kinda clich3 but that undermiens p3ople wh0 say clich3 iz crap n wh3n thayre runnin off Av0n turn3d up n iz liek YO D00D CAPN CH3VVY WANTS U n ranned away.

Th3n tha st0rm b3gan it wuz t0dally liek a m3taph0r tropin LIEK WOW THIS IZ DRAMATIC n Biggys liek THIS ST0RM WILL DEF3AT ALFALFA n D3rridandali0ns liek YEAH THE EASTHETICS MAY B3 0BVIOUS BUT THAY STILL ROX0R D00D.

N Biggys liek RUN D0ES RUN.

SEE THE D0UGHS RUN sed th3 sentri3s thats a subtl3 refer3nce s0 its int3rtextual n liek Inna Nar0ditskaya sez ab0ut Russian op3ra und3r Catharin3 the Grate INOSKAZANI3 LIEK S000000 RELIES ON THA HERMEN3UTICS OF INT3RTEXTUALITY D00DZ.

~~~

LIEK OMG WTF!!!!!1!!!!!!!11!!!!11 HEEHEES LIEK A BIG BIRD ATTACK THA S3NTRIES OUCH WTF IM L0YAL I DIDNT M3AN 2 D3STABILIZ3 S0CIETY N STUF I JUST WANT3D 2 BE KEWL N EDGY N LIEK COUNT3RCULTURAL N STUF BUT I GOT CARRI3D AWAY OMG!!!1!!!!!!1!!!11!1111111!!!!11 sed NelLYHEEHA.

N W0undwortovs lik3 STOP HITTIN H3R D00D WEV3 MAD3 THE POINT THAT WER3 P0WER STRUCTUR3S N SHE ISNT D0NT GIT CARRI3D AWAY WITH F0RCE ITS A M3ANS 2 A END WHICH IZ MAKIN HER D0 WUT WE SAY N SHES D0IN IT. S0 NELLYHEEHA WUTS THIS AB0UT A BIRD THATS KINDA ALTERIN 0UR PARADIGM.

OMG DUNN0 DOOD SIR WTF OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!111!11!1 HEEHEE SED THE NEW 0FFICER SED A BIG BIRD WIT A BAD F0REIGN ACC3NT TROPIN HES 0THER LIEK THAT WASNT OBVI0US OMG!!111!111!111 WILL TURN UP sed Nellyheeha.

YEAH I R3PORTAD A BIG BIRD LIEK HOURZ AG0 sed Ch3vvy.

Th3n Av0n sudd3nly turn up n hes liek Y0 D00DZ TAYL0RZ G0EN TODALLY R0GUE N RUN 0FF WIT A BUNCH OF D0EZ INCLUDIN SEV3RAL I HAD MY 3YE 0N CUZ THAYRE WAY H0T N BLAKHAR0V N H3 T0DALLY WHIPPED BARTSIA THATS BLAKHAR0V'S GUARD LIK3 WOW OMG WTF!!!1!111

EMBLEER FRIT THATS A RAREBIT CUSSW0RD M3ANS HES S0 P*SS3D 0FF HES LIEK “SCREW SOCIAL CONV3NTI0NZ” ILL LIEK MAJ0RLY R3ARRANGE TAYL0RZ FAC3 sed W0undwortov. N0W LEAD M3 AT HIM N BE D3ICTIC.

S0 he gotted a bunch a owslifers n they chas3d aft3r Big n the d0es n Blakhar0v n Big was leadin tham away 2wardz the riv3r cuz they did start3gy. When W0undwort caught up with th3m hez liek U R A DIRTY LITTL3 B0URGEOIS REVISI0NIST WE R HARENVOLK n Bigs liek LOL U CRACK-BRAIN3D SLAV3DRIVER WIT A T0DALLY EXPL0DED IDE0LOGY n W0undworts liek SCR3W THIS HEY OWSLA D00DZ GIT THIS DEVIATI0NIST JERK OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!1 n Bigs liek FRIT THATS THE RABBIT G0D SEZ U SUX n th3n sudd3nly a lightnin b0lt c0me liek a t0dally obvi0us m3lodrama thing n th3 rarebits r liek WHOAH n Kmarts liek ZE EAGL3S KOMMEN DUDEN THATS INT3RTEXTUAL BUT NO 0NE WILL GIT IT WHICH T0DALLY UND3RMINES THA SHARED CULTURAL IMAGINARY IMPLI3D BY INT3RTEXTUALITY DUDEN n he maeks 4 W0undwort n m0re drama stuf n Silv3r n Blackb3rrry th0se r soem 0f our rob0ts u pr0bly forg0t that cuz its been s0 long what with all tha administratiev crap goin 0n here y0 Pseud0boy we r a plaec 0f higher learnin that m3ans engagin ideaz n0t crap ab0ut tiemsheets lik3 hel-LO WTF n th3n I gotted a honorary award fr0m Fred cuz my scholaerly stuf r00lz but i bin sp3ndin my award money 0n research on elf mascara cuz TURPS is liek “somethin elvish n teh makeup pr0bly the mascara” n soem scholers r liek THATS CRAP ELFS DONT NEED MASCARA TH3Y G0T PERF3CT FEATUR3S s0 its a maj0r debaet in mak3up studi3s n Im liek U D00DZ R S000 NOT EXAMININ UR PR3SUPP0SITIONS D00DZ n theyre liek SHUT UP GIRL n Im liek ROFLMAO AT UR SCHOLERLY PRET3NSI0NS.

S0 anyways th3y gotted 2 teh b0at n the Africa rarebits r liek WHERES TAYL0R WE R N0T DOIN N0THIN UNL3SS HE TELLS US CUZ WE R C0NDITI0NED n th3n D3rridandali0ns liek THATS LAME ANYWAYS IM A 0FFICER 2 N I SAY D0 IT THAT MISES IN QUESTI0N TH3 CONC3PT OF OFFIC3R n theyre liek OK CHILL D00D SIR GIRL n thay git in tha b0at n W0undwort n teh 0fficerz r liek WH0AH THIS MAEKS OUR PARADIGM L00K LAM0R.

They drift on t3h boat till they git 2 a tunn3l n thayre liek THIS IZ S000000000 N0T IN OUR W3LTANSCHAUUNG n Kmarts liek VHATEV3R R0BOTS R D0RKS but thay got 0ver it n wh3n thay g0t outa teh b0at Kmarts liek SAY0NARA D00DZ.

Then th3y found 0ut Blakhar0v wuz a fam0us scientous but h3 gotted dissed in Alfalfa cuz he wuz half non-Alfalfan thats racest n that maed him a dissedent so hes on teh sied 0f the dissonant d0es but wh3n tha does petiti0n 2 the P0lITBURR0W fail3d they did a crackd0wn so rabbits w0uld kn0w wh0 did dominant stuf s0 he b0lted but thay nabb3d him n he got apath3tic but Big n D3rridandali0n rised hiz spirits n now he wuz free hes usin hiz exp3rtise 2 h3lp tham git h0me witout gittin kilt.

S0 one days hes stuf liek THE LANDSCAPE C0NTOURS HER3 SH0W THIS IZ F0X C0UNTRY WED BETT3R SPLIT.

N Bigs liek OH U R S000000000 ALL AB0UT HOW U R S000000000 BRILLIENT IF U R S0 SMART H0W COME ALFALFA S0CIAL STRUCTUR3S R S0 CRAP HUNH ANSW3R ME THAT MIST3R POINTY H3ADED INTELL3CTUAL WELL MAYB3 TH3 GREEN MIC3 TELL3D U BUT TH3Y DIDNT TELL US N WE DONT TAEK 0RDERZ FR0M U CUZ WH0 R U ANYWAYS MR. BIG SH0T SO SHUT UP.

N D3rridandali0ns  liek CUT IT OUT BIG D00D WE DONT NEED U BEIN S00 “HEY IM A P0WER STRUCTUR3 ILL PR0VE IT BY BEIN A J3RK” CRAP U CAN JUST GIT US3D 2 THES3 D00DZ R PART 0F OUR PARTICIPAT0RY D3MOCRACY S0 THEY CAN SAY STUF N IF U DONT LIEK IT U CAN G0 BACK 2 ALFALFA TH3Y LOVE BULLYIN THER3 WTF LOL!!!!11!!111!!!1

N Hagels liek ST0P BEIN BITCHY ILL MAEK A D3CISION N I SAY WE STAY HER3 CUZ WE R TIR3D.

But then a f0x comed n kilt a c0uple does.

S0 aft3r thay gotted away Bigs liek U WER3 RIGHT IM S0RRY I WUZ A HEG3MONIC A-BLANK DOOD.

N Blakhar0vs like HUNH WUT U 0N AB0UT SIR D00D.

N Bigs liek U SAID THIS WUZ FOX C0UNTRY N I WUZ A JERK.

N Blakhar0vs liek WHAT3VER D00D n Bigs liek HAY HEEHEE WUT TH3.

N Heehees liek IN AFRICA IF U GIV3 ADVIC3 N THA ADVIC3 ISNT TAK3N U JUST F0RGIT IT n D3rridandali0ns liek YEAH CUZ P0WER STRUCTUR3S DET3RMINE EPIST0MOL0GY D00D n Bigs liek W0W BUT H0W COEM U DONT THINK LIEK THAT HEEHEE OMG WTF??/?????////?? n shes lik3 IM A D0E 0UR EPISTAMOL0GY ISNT S0 HI3ARCHICAL CUZ WE D0NT D0 P*SSIN C0NTESTS D00D.

 

 

Chapt3r 16. DI3GESIS LIEK S000000000 MAKES THE RABBITALIST NARRATIEV TRANSHUMAN CUZ WE R0X0R

Y3ah suer d00d tak3 credit f0r my geni0us n Im p0stin th3 last chapt3r of WATERSH0P MALL batween conf3rences cuz I did a pap3r on th3 Renaissanc3 debaet ab0ut iz the marvallous t0dal crap cuz s0me d00dz r liek THER3 RNT RILLY SIR3NZ N CIRCE DIDNT RILLY TURN PE0PLE IN2 PIGS N TREES N STUFF S0 FICTI0N IZ A LI3 THATS BAD S0 DONT READ THAT CRAP n Jerry Chintz thats a Italian critic is liek Y0 D00DZ GIT A GRIP.

N Im doin a pap3r ab0ut teh critical recepti0n of Tolkin3n cuz the m0dernists r liek WE R S000000 ALL THAT CUZ WE R THA D0MINANT A3STH3TIC PARADIGM n they r s000000 all ab0ut bein the kewl set in the cafat3ria n T0lkein iz liek th3 unpopular kid n as s00n as he ent3rs the cafet3ria theyre liek U SUX WE R00L. But Tolkeins like D00DZ U S000000 DONT DETERMIN3 WUTS KEWL N WHAT IZNT N U S000000 D0NT LIEK DEFIEN IF IM KEWL 0R I SUX. N theyre lik3 WTF LOL!!111111 but then thay werent tha kewl set anym0re but still act3d liek th3y wuz n thats wh3n th3y com3 up wit rilly t0dally s3riously lam3 stuff lik3 the d00d wh0s lik3 T0LKINE SUX CUZ Z IS EVIL IN HIZ LANGUAG3S n Im t0dally n0t makin that up n then theres th3 d00d whos liek TOLKEIN SUX CUZ TOLKINE FANS W3AR AN0RAKS n liek whatever.

Th3n thay chill3d whiel the Alfs n hutch robots g0tted intagrat3d in2 Watersh0p Mall s0cial n0rmativity n D3rridandali0n tol3d a storey ab0ut a fairy wogd0g thats s0 p0stmod3rn it cant be d3contructed cuz tha infiniet seri3s 0f deconstructins n I try n0t 2 say X IS IMP0SSIBEL cuz thats imp0sin c0nstraints on thought stuff but c0em on d00dz h0w do u deconstruct soemthin titled R0WSBY W00F N THA FAIRY W0GD0G wit dialogu3 liek IM TH3 MESSENG3R 0F THE GRAET D0GSBODY OF THE EAST QU33N DRIPSL0BBER n WIT A DELICAET 0VERTONE OF R0TTEN CAMEL n th3 rabbits despiet knowin wut a palac3 iz 0r for that mattar ARIST0CRATIC DESTINCTI0N didnt kn0w that camels r grody cigarett3s maybe cuz cigarett3s iz somethin humanz d0 2 trop3 thayre bad n WUT MENIAL CRINGIN SHALL B3 MIEN I SHALL SHOW MYSELF A TREU D0G that tropes rarebits think d0gs r big 0n social heirarchies th0ugh robots have 0wls thats the rabbits that advis3 teh cheif rarebit 0nly thay d0nt abase thems3lves exc3pt in Alfrica n the Queen got attendents named Poswiddl3 n Sniffb0ttom that embodi3s that d0gs r hi3rarchal lam0rs but note that the rabbots r bein ess3ntialist n then thay us3 narratiev 2 maek th3 dog g0 away s0 they can mise en abim3 proparty by takin the veg3tables the d0g wuz guardin n u cant git much mor3 p0stmodern then THA GRAET RAT SPIRIT 0F SUMATRA TEH CURSE 0F HAMELIN thats intartextual 2 s0 the st0ry r00lz but Im s00000 not tellin it her3 cuz I g0t other dieg3tic stuff 2 d0.

So anyways the rabbots wer3 recoverin fr0m all the postm0dernism when Holly n Blakharov r liek HEY D00DZ THER3S ALF RABBITS C0MIN W3 GOTTA GIT UND3RGROUND N FILL IN HOLES.

Cuz wh3n tha rabbits left 0n teh boat W0undwortov authority iz s0000 outa her3 d00dz. The 0Fficerz r liek HES T0DALLY THARN THAT M3ANS EM0. N he did a P0litburrow meetin n Snowdroppov sez LET IT BL0W 0VER TH3Y G0T SH0RT MEM0RIES N W3 CAN USE PR0PAGANDA 2 C0NSTRUCT N3W MAMORIES.

W0undwortovs liek N0 WE R D0IN PATROLZ. They founded the rabbits n3ar a fox n foll0wed tham 2 tha warr3n n W0undwortovs liek ITS NOT VERY BIG EXPECIALLY C0MPARED 2 OURS W3 LITARALLY (SP) R00L. S0 th3y did reconnoitrin stuf n W0undwortov lead3d a expotition 2 Wat3rshop Mall. Wh0ever went on the exp3tition gotted sp3cial privil3ges liek thay c0uld silflay thats go up 2 eat whenev3r thay wanted n dachas n stuf. 0nly it gotted mess3d up cuzz the hobbits saw tham s0 th3y l0st the elem3nt 0f surpris3 Sun Tzu w0uld be liek s0000 POed d00dz.

Capn Capns liek S0RRY I WUZNT WITH IT WH3N I SAW THEM CUZ TH3 VODKA D00D SIR.

N W0undwortov sez OH W3LL WE'LL STILL B3AT TH3M CUZ TH3IR S0CIAL ORGANIZATI0N IZ CRAP N U LL STILL GIT A DACHA 0NLY ITLL B3 A BIT SMALL3R CUZ 0UR NOM3NKLATURAS T0DALLY MERIT0CRATIC.

M3anwhile Heg3l decid3d 2 d0 dipl0macy s0 he goes up 2 W0undwortov n hes liek Y0 R U GEN3RAL W0UNDWORTOV.

YEAH sez W0undwortov WHATS IT 2 U L0SER.

WHAT D0 U WANT sez Hassle.

WE R G0NNA WH00P UR BUTTS LIEK H0W W3 ELIMANATED RABBITALISM sez W0undwortov Then he t00k off a stoen that got stick3d 2 hiz f00t n hit a stump n hes liek WE WILL BURY U.

WE'D B3TTER COEM 2 T3RMS 2 PREV3NT BL00DSHED CUZ IF U TRY WE G0T MILITARY STUFF 2 U KN0W sed Hazel.

OK TH3 TERMS R U EXTRADIET TAYL0R N BLAKHAR0V N THA D0ES N WE D0NT KILL U sed W0undwortov.

NO I G0T A BETTAR DIPLOMATIC PR0POSAL WHICH IS W3 D0 DETENT3 N TRAD3 TIES N GLANS0ST N WE MAEK N3W WARRANS IN BATWEEN 0URS CUZ UR WARR3N IZ WAY OVERP0PULATED N UR IR0N HEDG3ROW MAEKS UR R0BOTS DISCONTENT BUT IF U GIEV THEM FREED0M THEYLL BE LIEK W0W is liek Haggle. N RABBITS G0T EN0UGH EN3MIES WITOUT DOIN COLD WARS OR HOT WARS N IM TH3SIS U R ANTITH3SIS S0 LETS D0 SYNTHESIS D00D.

F0r a sec0nd Hazzles dipl0macy skills hitted W0undwortov n hes liek HUNH but then he sez THATS CRAP WE R G0NNA GIT U SO WHATEV3R. Th3n he split makin a rud3 nois3 n talks 2 hiz owslifers.

Capn Capns liek LETS JUST SI3GE THEM D00D SIR.

NO WE NEED A FIGHTIN VICT0RY 2 B00ST MORAEL N INSTILL C0NDIFENCE IN TH3 REGIM3 N STUF N WE G0TTA GIT BACK 2 AFRICA S0 WE CAN D0 MOER PURG3S sed W0undwortov. S0 thay started doin dig tactics.

Maenwhile the Watershop robots digged in n hide in teh sleepin burr0ws. ILL BE HER3 WH3N THEY GIT IN sez Bigwig cuz hes 0n th3 strat3gizin front liens. Then Haz3l gotted a grand strat3gic man0euvre.

GIT SILVER N TH3 OTHAR HAWKS he sez 2 Big. U GUYS D0 DEFENS3 WHIEL ME N BLACKBERRY N DERRIDANDELI0N DO C0VERT STUFF. WERE G0IN BACK 2 NUTTY FARM AGAIN THATS WHARE THE HUTCH3S WER3.

So they go to the farm n ther3s a d0g n Heg3l chewed thr0ugh th3 rope n D3rridandali0n incit3s it by recitin postmod3rn th3ory wit l0ts of TRANS lik3 transhumanism.

Back at teh warr3n tha Alfalfans heared a animal thats not rabbit it s0unded liek a terr0rist dem0n monstar elil. BOSS THARES A SCARY ANUMAL EEK is like tha offic3rs rabbots but W0undwortovs liek IF THERES A AMINAL ITLL FIND 0UT IM A ANIMAL 2.

S0 he goed in with 3 owflicers. As they heared the b0ss prepare go first into depths of enemy warr3n calmly as if lookin for dandeli0ns, the owslifers spirits ros3 n thayre lik3 MAYB3 WE WIN WITOUT FIGHTIN AT ALL BY LIK3 TRANSF0RMIN THA C0NSCIOUSN3SS OF TEH PR0LATARIAT D00DZ. They broadcasted propaganda messag3s ab0ut breakin chains n stuf. Bigwig put on cammouflag3 n hid in tunn3l per strat3gy n tactics stuf h3 n Capn H0lly come up with.

Rem3mber rabbit tactics r ab0ut aggr3ssive n0t about strat3gizin about teh numb3rs on each sied cuz rarebits dont c0unt g00d acc0rdin 2 human paradigms n stuff cuz th3y dont d0 that HEY D00DZ LETS COUNT STUF thing.

So  W0undwortov go3s d0wn tha tunn3l with rabbit tanks theyre big leafs of l3ttuce that roll 0ver stuf. Sudden Big bites W0undwortov n hes liek U TOLD ME 2 IMPR3SS U I HOEP I DID LOL n W0undwortovs liek I TOLED U ID KILL U MOFO. He kepted advancin.

(Meanwhil3 back at th3 rench teh dog l00ked liek it l0ses intrest in D3rridandali0n's deconstructin so Blackb3rrry enrag3d it by d0in anti-d0g satire.)

W0undwortov sez WHY U THR0WIN AWAY U LIEF 4 THES3 LAM0RS D00D JOIN MY SID3 N ILL GIEV U LOTTA P0WER N DACHAS N MAK3 U C0MMISSAR N STUFF.

SLILFLAY HRAKA EMBLEER RAH sez Big thats rabbot f0r BLEEP U.

WHATEV3R D00D BUT TH3 UNI0N OF ELFALFAN SOCIALIST WARR3NS R3MAINS OP3N 2 U IF U CHANG3 UR MIND sez W0undwortov but tha d0wnside w0uld be that he gits purg3d but he didnt say that.

But Bigs lik3 MY CHEIF RABBITS LIEK “HEY D00D DEF3ND THIS WAAR3N” SO IM DOIN THAT TILL H3 SEZ SOMETHIN ELS3 CUZ THATS H0W AUTH0RITY PATTARNS W0RK.

N the Afracan robots r liek HIS CHEIF RAREBIT OMG WTF???/???//?///? LIEK WHOAH D00DZ.

Meanwhiel a owslifer named Vermin gotted confronted by Fiv0r who sed S0RRY U R D00MED D00D BUT THAT H0W THIS DIEG3SIS W0RKS CUZ U D00DZ BETRAY3D SOCIALISM BY TURNIN IT IN2 P0WER STRUCTER n Vermin freak 0ut.

Then sudd3nly Capn Capn RUN F0R UR LIEVS cuz th3 d0g is runnin t0wards them furiated by D3rridandali0ns radical theori3s n Blackb3rrrys wick3d imp3rsonatins.

S0 the Alfalfans all scram exc3pt tha on3s in th3 burr0w n W0undwortovs lik3 DOGS RNT DANG3ROUS IF U G0T THA RIGHT PARADIGM CUZ THEYR3 JUST RUNNIN D0GS OF THE B0URGEOISI3 but theyre liek WHATEV3R W3 R S0000000000 OUTA HER3.

Back at the farm Lucy rescu3d Hegel fr0m th3 cat(3gorical imp3ratiev LOL!!1!!!!1!~). N shes lik3 HEY DAD IM TAKIN THIS ROB0T 2 DOCT0R CUZ INTELL3CTUAL VALIDATI0N OF STUF.

Then teh narrater d0es her dads thought pr0cessin witout quot3s 2 blur tha liens batween charact3r n narrat0r which is mod3rnist but thinkin in l0wer-class dial3ct iz cuz the auth0r do3s classist ess3ntialism crap n he lets her taek Hagel 2 tha d0ctor who fixes him n driv3s him 2 the warr3n.

Wit W0undwortov gon3 Capn Capn took ov3r the Alfalfa hobbits n decied 2 do a treaty with Watershop Mall  but first they went hoem. Soem African rabbits wer3 left in Watershop n def3cted cuz they wer3 pris0ners n cuz th3y lieked buyin stuf. Hazel wok3 up Big n Biggy sez Y0 CHEIF D00D IST FINISH MEESTER VOUNDVORT YA????????////??// WTF

Th33n thay liek did confab ab0ut it 0ver coff33 beans n did contest3d narratiev ab0ut W0undwortov.

Capn H0lly sed W0UNDWORTOV WUZ UNNATURAL THATS WHY H3 FAILED CUZ MARK3T F0RCES R IN3XORABEL D00DZ N HE WUZ S000000000 N0T RABBIT CUZ IM ESS3NTIALIST.

Groundsky wuz a Alf prisoner n hes liek D00D U DONT GIT IT HES N0T D3AD CUZ NOTHIN C0ULD KILL HIM HE CR3ATED TEH NEW S0VIET RABBIT N MAED US D0 STUF N0 RAREBIT EV3R DID LIK3 BUILD A N3W S0CEITY THAT WUZ AW3SOME.

YEAH sed Hazzle N WE R DOIN CONV3RGENCE CUZ UND3R CAPN CAPN ALFALFA GOTS MOR3 MARK3T F0RCES BUT WE G0TS MARKS N STUF 2 KEEP OUT ELDILS sed Hezel.

N BIGWIG D0IN ARMY TRAININ S0 WE CAN BE T0UGH LIEK AFRICA BUT KEEP 0UR FREED0MS sed Buckwh3at.

N they dug thr0ugh the Burr0w Wall n chew3d thr0ugh teh Ir0n Hedg3row. N th3y b0ught lots 0f stuff at Watershop Mall n Alfalfa gotted t0urist sh0ps wher3 they s0ld pawports n secr3t polic3 costum3s n stuf n it wuz a mecca 0nly then ther3 wuz f0rmer 0wslifers turnin in2 0ligarchs which kinda suxed but u kn0w hrak happ3ns n Wat3rshop Mall prosp3red n th3y did dieg3tic stuff that creat3d a overarchin “nati0nal” narratiev n identitiy n th3 empier t0dally wr0te back cuz thayre postc0lonial which r00lz n Hagel iz dieg3Sfreak turned in2 a eld3r statesrarebit n D3rridandali0n construct3d narratievs that sed w3 r00l but clev3rly undermin3d th3m n litarally undermin3d cuz sh3 digged und3r the main burr0w n stuf.

In considerin the names that liek might be us3d 2 designat3 tha new era followin "postmodarnism," the prefix "trans" stands out as bein t0dally in cuz Blakhar0v's liek FIV0R IZ MAJERLY  DOIN TRANS-SUBJECTIVITY DOODZ cuz Fiv0r turned mystic cuz he r3conceptualiz3d reality which iz aw3some.  N Bigwigs liek Y0 HASSL3 AFRICAS S000000000 TRANS-UTOPIAN n th3 do3s wer3 liek all ab0ut trans-sentim3ntality etc. WTF OMG LOL !!!!111111!!111!111111111!!1

N lik3 the Am3rican cultural the0rist Eric Gans iz liek VICTIMARY THINKINS KINDA LAM3 CUZ ITS BAS3D ON A NON-NEGOTIABL3 ETHICAL 0PPOSITION BETWEEN PERPETRAT3RS N VICTIMS cuz W0undwortov wuz a j3rk n bulli3d rarebits wh0 wernt p0wer structers n tri3d 2 d0 gen0cide stuff 2 Wat3rshop Mall. Gans iz liek THA ETHICS OF POSTMODARNISM SEZ THE P3RIPHERAL VICTIM R00LZ N IT DISS3S THE UTOPIAN CENT3R OCCUPIED BY THE LIEK PERPETRAT0R WHICH KINDA SUX IN ITS RESENTMENT OF CAPITALISM AND LIB3RAL DAMOCRACY CUZ THEYRE LIEK T0DALLY L0NG-TERM AG3NTS OF GL0BAL R3CONCILIATION D00DZ SO LETS D0 NON-VICTIMARY DIALOGU3 s0 Hagel fund3d hiz writins cuz th3y r a conv3niant prop 2 teh social 0rder n stuff LOL.