Udunvagor Manifesto (UM)
J.R.R. Tolkien's Greatest Fan Ever wrote:
FAQ?! What FAQ? The one FAQ I have seen in these NGs is total garbage. Full of misinterpretations and errors and outdated information and anti-Tolkienisms and Libertarian propaganda. Even the simplest things that can simply be answered "yes", "no", "left", "right", "seven" and "Merry" are complicated up to a non-conclusive drivel and untolkienish speculations. Well, what would one expect after you have driven the only real expert out of your little group? (Hint for the... denser people here: Start with a "M".)
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J.R.R. Tolkien's Greatest Fan Ever
They say that when student is ready, the master will appear. Thou have shown wisdom by taunting the so-called "FAQ" of lies, and therefore thou deserveths to know the truth of the matters, and with you this blessing shall land in this entire Newsgroup, may they honor your name forever.
Yes! It is true I was driven away by the small-minds and philisteiners who called themselves "TEUNC", and for many years I was forced to travel a rocky path leading to enlightenment by myself, segregated from my loyal followers. But now I have returned to bring you this message of triump!
People of AFT and RABT!! Your masters have been misleading you, with FAQ of lies as their tool! They have lied about Balrogs Wings, they have lied about Who Killed Which King, they have lied - yes, they have even lied about the ultimate fate of the Frodo of Three Fingers himself! They have lied, but soon all their lies shall be exposed and the truth shall be known.
But most glimmering error is the entry about TEUNC! This entry is now worthless. TEUNC is dead! Much like Communism it has collapsed under its own impossibility. I used to be the Enemy of TEUNC, but now with TEUNC out of the way, I have been able to concentrate in my TRUE calling in life - to become the Ultimate Tolkien Scholar Online(UTSO) and the Superior Tolkien Expert and Authority(STEA) of AFT and RABT, and challence the False Prophets Jensen, Martinez, Dunkerson, and to save the innocent people of the Newsgroups from their blasphemous FAQs and treacherous lies of the Sacred Texts of Tolkien.
For this purpose I have acquired, by means that cannot be spoken in this arena, a previously unknown manuscript called The Book of Unanswered Questions(BUQ), a notebook handwritten by Tolkien in his last years, which contains answers to ALL the unsolved mysteries that have been dabated over the years, and some of which none could have dreamed of. It is not yet time to reveal all that this book contains, but what I can do is to shed light to some of the most common misinterpretations and debated issues, and correct as many of the FAQ heresies that is possible at the moment. You are all free to ask any questions, and if the BUQ has answers, I will transfer them to you!
So, it is thereby that I, Morambar Udunvagor, Keeper of the Sacret BUQ, UTSO and STEU of AFT and RABT, Leader of United Front of BUQists Against FAQists(UFBAF), declare anathema on this FAQ! Mr. Jensen, (if that indeed is your real name), it has been said that the Wise only speak what they know of; but you, Mr. Jensen, YOU-DON'T-KNOW Tolkien! Mr. Jensen - TEAR DOWN THIS FAQ!! Set people free of its trammels! Repent, and you shall be forgiven. Or prepare for the ultimate humiliation as your precious FAQ gets torn to pieces point by point, by the wisdom of BUQ! You have been warned. >:-[
Morambar Udunvagor, Keeper of BUQ, UTSO and STEA of FATS, Leader of UFBAF