DIRECTOR: LUSTMOLCH
This DEPARTMENT examines the topography of Middle-earth (valleys, rivers, hills, mountains, volcanos), from the point of view of their evocation of human sexual and para-sexual anatomy, studying the topography in the light of Tolkien's insatiable lust for everything. It employs maps of Middle-earth as a self-pleasuring tool. Not recommended for first-year (slave) students, nor for those without strong stomachs.
You see, TOLKKIEN'S WORKS ARE ALL ABOUT PLATE TECTONICS. And what is plate tectonics about? It's about how THE CHURNING LAVA OF MOUNT DOOM RESULTED FROM THE TECTONIC PLATES GRINDING TOGETHER[\b] YEAH THOSE PLATES [b]WANTED EACH OTHER UUUUUUUUUUUUUNH AAAAAAH LIKE THE ELVES LUSTED AFTER THE SEA OOOH YEAH UNH UNH UNH ... AND WHEN THE PLATES DO THE NAST TOGETHER THEY CREATE ALL THE HOT FEATURES OF MIDDLE-EARTH LIKE THOSE DEEP WET RIVER VALLEYS AND THOSE ROUND HILLS YEAH LETS ALL HAVE SEX WITH MIDDLE-EARTH.
In literary theory, it's called a topography of desire.
Which is why they won't let me edit Tolkein's letters cuz I might find out that TOLKIEN F*CKED DONKEYS AND HE WROTE A LETTER ABOUT ALL THE SPACE ALIENS HE WANTED TO F*CK and Udunvagor says "I'd be careful about getting interplanetary diseases" because TOLKIEN WAS TOO INFLAMED TO USE PROTECTION and Morambar wrote "I agree donkeys are lovely but could you use more discretion? It's gotten embarrassing going boating with you" and Tolkien wrote back THE GIRL DONKEY I'VE BEEN F*CKING IS CHEATING ON ME AND SO I'M GETTING RID OF MY DONKEY HERO NAMED TROTTER BECAUSE DONKEYS ARE B*TCHES and did you know that TOLKIEN'S UNCONTROLLABLE LUST CAUSED THE SOLAR SYSTEM? YES, HE WAS F*CKING SO HARD THAT ALL THE PLANETS SPLIT UP FROM EACH OTHER AND I WANT TO GO TO THE MOON AND F*CK THE MOON'S CRATERS, NOW!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Required course:
GEOLOGY IN MIDDLE-EARTH 100