The physics department is a medium-sized department with 1 regular, research, and adjunct faculty members and approximately 3.5 graduate students, who were all rescued from the executioner on condition that they major in this department (16.5 others preferred to die.) Programs of study lead to M.S. and Ph.D degrees in both pure and applied physics.
Research
The department has programs of study and research in theoretical and experimental physics. Research programs stress the areas of biophysics and condensed matter and low temperature physics as well as astrophysics and materials science. It should also have a program in nuclear physics. Why does it not have nuclear phyaics, when my dissertation, my research, my expertise are all in nuclear physics??????? Well, FATS Administration??? Why has nuclear physics been handed over to a dull, inaccurate pedant without imagination or real magical perception????? So, FATS, you do not trust me with nuclear weapons, do you??? Whom then do you trust???? And who is ultimately behind this decision to deny me my right??? Do you think I can't smell a CONSPIRACY when I see one???????? FATS Administration show in this decision that they are but the STOOGES AND PUPPETS of that abhomination, Noel von Schneiffel, who is the negation of all we hold sacred!!!! The sworn enemy of FATS!!!! The universal Nought who is evil, evil, EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND FATS IS GIVING NUCLEAR WEAPONS TO HIS PUPPET, WHILE DENYING THEM TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT SEEKS TO SILENCE ME, POSSIBLY BECAUSE PSEUDOBOY IS IN NOEL'S PAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT I WILL BE HEARD!!!!!!!!!!!!
And by the way, why are non-nuclear physics courses in the Nuclear Physics Department???? Trespassing on my turf, are you, Noel's TOADIES???? NOT SATISFIED WITH STEALING MY SPECIALTY, YOU HAVE TO POACH, TOO????? BEECAUSE SOMEONE MIGHT LEARN THE TRUTH IF THEY TOOK MY COURSES!!!!! MY, MY, CAN'T HAVE THAT, CAN WE!!!!!!!
Paranoiac Cottontail, Professor of Physics
Facilities and Equipment
The Physics Department possesses lecture rooms, office, and library facilities, and is equipped with research laboratories for work in spectroscopy, solid state physics, lasers, penetrating radiation, nanophysics, biophysics and cryogenics. The department library contains more than 7,000 volumes and subscribes to over 35 current periodicals. But who cares about such boring rubbish when WE DON'T HAVE NUKES????????? WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO IF NOEL ATTACKS US WITH NUCLEAR WEAPONS????? HUNH?????????? WELL, FATS ADMINISTRATION, DIDN'T THINK OF THAT, NOW DID YOU???????????????????????
Courses
PHYS 101: Basic Physics as Applied to Destroying Noel
PHYS 222: Physics Mechanics Laboratory: How this Stuff Can Kill Noel
PHYS 491: Senior Seminar II: Can a Hand-made Battery Become a Lethal Weapon against Noel?
PHYS 525: Advanced Research Practice II: Non-Nuclear WMD to Defend Us from Noel
PHYS 666: Space Plasma Physics: Is Space the Final Frontier in the Anti-Noel War?