...the best Thellephone service!

Hell has always been a cradle for technological developments. With COMMIECOM, our state-owned communication business, we entered the age of information technology. And with COMMIECOM's many services at affordable prices, now you can enter it too!


Basic telephony

COMMIECOM offers a wide range of quality hardware equipment to make your calls as enjoyable as possible. Our standard telephone model CC-1917 combines functionality with artistic elegance. According to the designer, acclaimed Orcish artist Wurkhs B. Wargryder, it was modeled after the facial expression of a fanboi on his first sight of General Confomromitz' torture devices.

With our basic telephone tariffs (1), you will be able to talk to every person, creature or thing in Fredonia and worldwide, provided that they have an at least roughly comparable communication device, such as a telephone, palantir, string and tin can or osanwe-kentomat.

(1) Basic telephone and internet connection via COMMIECOM is free for citizens of Hell or members of a registered Bolshevork party. Inside County Hell, the installation of mobile telephony is available for two regular luxus coupons. In the rest of Fredonia, telephone flatrates can be bought for prices as low as 40,00 teeth/month, combined telephone / internet flatrates for as low as 75,00 teeth/month, and mobile telephony for an one-time installation price of 199,00 teeth, plus 99,00 teeth for the cart if no own vehicle is provided, plus the regular telephone tariff.


Mobile telephony

With our mobile telephony setup, we use our technological advantage to give you maximum freedom. Make your calls whenever you want - wherever you want!

Our mobile setup consists of a standard telephone (depicted above), a high-capacity antenna (not depicted), a very light and small (approx. 10 kg) battery and a cart in which you can transport your equipment. No more carrying - just pull your phone!


Internet connection

Now you can enter the World Wide Web with COMMIECOM. With one of our internet flatrates, you can surf there with a speed of up to 4 kbit/s. No more waiting - download whole pages of text in a few seconds, screen-filling images in less than 10 minutes, and entire speech manuscripts from Commissar Bluh in just about 6 hours!

When you close a contract with us, you will be provided with a cutting-edge modem for your internet connection. Our hardware works on a plug-and-play base with all computers from Hell's state-owned IT manufacturer CALCULATORC (model CL-1968 depicted on the right). On our website, www.commiecom.fd/supporc, you can download drivers for a number of other machines, such as the Machina Analytica of Humidor or the Photographic Memory Slave of Rogsylvania.


Connection problems?

Help COMMIECOM to become even better - tell us if you experience any problems, such as unexpected disconnection or slow data transfer in your area. Our service team will attend to the problem as soon as possible.


Current user problems

09:21 - R.F. Bounemiller, Filthy - No connection possible. (Status: Unresolved)
11:04 - C.M. Schraykrampf, Hell City - vry slw. i alrdy cut mst vocls to sve bandwdth. (Status: Unresolved)
11:18 - B. Spitzfork, Tasthy - No connection possible. (Status: Resolved, user had eaten cable)
12:05 - R.F. Bounemiller, Filthy - I'M STILL CUT OFF. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GET BACK TO ME? (Status: Unresolved)
13:46 - S. Earwacks, Filthy - I really wish you would help my neighbour Rob Bounemiller. It sounds like he's demolishing his flat. (Status: Unresolved)
15:01 - C.M. Schraykrampf, Hell City - gtt (Status: Unknown, we're still waiting for more letters from user)
15:56 - Qyootie Ayeliner, Hell City - pWeAsE hElP??!!1!? i WuZ lOoKiNg At LeGgY pIx AnD iT mAdE mE cRy! wTf My PhOnE sHoRtEd OuT???!!111!!? (Status: Unresolved)
16:17 - Mr. Purple, Finn Lands - I can't connect to www.EEelSMut.fd. That makes me sad. (Status: Resolved, this is a feature, not a bug.)
17:09 - Anonymous, No location - when I called my fellow-conspirators to overthrow the bolshevorks and bring back the count of helluvaprofit, not only did the phone not work, but handkerchieves flew out of it and gagged me. (Status: Resolved, this is a feature, not a bug.)