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Brunnème-Roggenberg: Capital of Rogsylvania (along with Palazzo Balroggia; see below)
Balróggy: to the west of the Hot-Paprica, whose brunning red channels have inspired many a waltz; here you can admire the desert or p$%%^szt^&&&, whose sublime vistas of burning sand are interrupted by refreshing flame-fountains and oil-wells in which swim the oil-maidens, who play haunting and exotic melodies on their drill-fiddles. Where dwells love? Who can tell me? Would that I could drink once more the expensive gasoline of my youth!
The capital, Roggenberg, is located in the foothills of the Roggy Mountains, and manages to combine the modern elegance of a superior transport system (Pterodactorail) with the sumptuousness of Balroque pleasure-grounds whose hedges are composed of the finest burnt hmunsa [humans are called /hmunsa/ in balrog-pidgin, the tongue Balrogs often use to communicate with inferior beings who do not speak Classical Balrog], and with the charm of a medieval Old Town adorned by Gothic caverns and quaint mortalware shops. Its most famous attraction is the opera house, located in the crater of a live volcano in the grandest style. The frequent eruptions add an extra aesthetic dimension to the performances, and when our critics say “the house erupted in applause,” they mean it.
Igneözgrad, 3rd (or 2nd, depending on how you count) city in Rogsylvania, is situated in the southern part of Balróggy. It is a haven for artists and bohemians, whose raffish tastes extend to elvish cuisine and Trollarian frog pills. The entire town is covered with cafés serving the finest aromatic lava; the most famous of which is the Café Lavatrasque, where Roggerella’s pink fluffy slippers won her the hand of the Count-Palatine of Balróggy. WARNING: on the third floor of the café, there is a debonair cigar-smoking rogue balrog engaged in kinky sex. Balrogs may find the sight offensive; Ruggles [non-balrogs] may find it mildly deadly.
Tildanorška: east of Hot-Paprica, from Lake Flambée (the large fire-lake on the map of Fredonia) to the Temple of Tyope; capital Brunnème. Tildanorška is a mountainous land of spectacular vistas, including the tallest volcanoes in the world, haunted by the anthropophagous edelschwarz flowers with their enormous maws, and the rare mountain-gollum, whose killing is strictly forbidden. The inhabitants wear hmunsahosen for their folk dances and yodel for centuries on end.
Lake Flambée itself forms an essential part of any tourist’s itinerary. There are few sights in nature, or supernature, to compare with the sublimity of this sea of fire, in whose dark flames is reflected the firmament, and where the picturesque human sacrifices are a delight to the eyes, ears, and taste buds. Unique carbonate life forms swim in the lake’s flames, as do Jellyclips, an exotic breed of anthropomorphic paper clips furnished with tentacles that are widely used an anti-aphrodisiac.
With Balróggy, Tildanorška forms the nucleus of Rogsylvania; their capitals, too, are often considered one city. Brunnème, capital of Tildanorška, possesses a spacious New Town that centres around the Champs d’Utumne, an elegant avenue adorned by statues of famous Balrogs and by the Arc de Ouomphe y Pomphe. This masterpiece of the Second Flamboyant celebrates the Rogsylvanian victory over Oncle André, out of whose bones it was in part constructed. The Morgotheum is an exact replica of Melkor’s Palace and houses such famous woks of art as The Discomfiture of Ungoliant and the Shelob of Urbino. The Old Town is smaller and slightly shadier than that of Roggenberg; travellers are advised to steer clear of the contraband lembas-shops, and enjoy instead the open-air screaming concerts of Piazza Sagrifiziale.
The Temple of Tyope is located in the town of Tyopenska, and contains remarkable sacrifices that often last centuries. At the height of the ceremony, you can see a hundred balrogs glimmering like candles as they chow down.
Palazzo Balroggia, the dwelling of the reigning Counts-Palatine, is its own jurisdiction. The volcano out of which it was carved is Mount Mochalava, and is the purest anthracite, with interiors of lithium, sodium, potassium, rubidium, caesium, francium, and phosphorus. Palazzo Balroggia is an elegant, if deceptively modest building of igneous rock (vaguely conical in shape) whose late Angbandic chimney exudes an inviting flame. The Balróggy-Tildanorška coat-of-arms impressively stands guard on the façade of the piano nobile, which is set off from the lower portions of the palazzo by a frieze depicting the victory of Gondolino.
At the front door -- decorated with orc-putti and eight-legged Venuses -- deft Trollovian servants in red and black livery stand ready to receive guests and to escort them to the piano nobile. The reception quarters include a banquet-hall, a smoking-room furnished with genuine dwarf-divans, a trophy-room largely adorned with the heads of wild hmunsa, and a mathom-room containing eyes of newts, toes of frogs, elf-hair sachets, and other charming pieces of bric-à-brac from around the world.
The Count's pianoforte, which has the rare property of being undead, quite literally groans (and very tunefully at that) under the masterpieces of #^$^#@&*@#@&#&@ and @&^#@*#@&*(#@*#&@*#&@. The dungeon is exquisitely appointed, and the hmunsa-hunting gear that glitters and flames on the walls of the smoking-room and banquet-hall is of the very highest standards, promising much diversion.
The nitrate masterpieces of such masters as Roggonardo, Michelroggolo, and Igneoni decorate the walls; it is enough to mention the Roga Lisa to know that this palace is major artistic centre. Others may find the dungeons or torture chambers more to their liking. Mortals are warned against entering the throne room since, apart from the fact that they will be killed on sight, the magnesium will blind them when ignited; and they should bear in mind that 75% of the palace is uninhabitable for them, and another 15% is forbidden.
The mountains to the North of the Temple are called the Wogahwash Mountains and form part of the Grand Duchy of Flammalot. This area was formerly what the mortals call fertile and what we call blekh, and was inhabited by flying smurves that were useless for smoking. They annoyed the balrog ambassadors, who brunt their territory, in order to serve as an example, in the Great Annoyance. Flammalot’s vistas are now delightfully empty, save for the wailing of the banshees. In part as gentle as the blazing forest fire, part stern and harsh as the lifeless mountains, Flammalot is a favourite vacation spot for families.
The Marquisdom of Pyromania: between Mt. Mochalava and the Wogahwash Mts. The Rogsylvanian HQ of the Fire Department are housed in the gemütlich capital, Feuergarten. Burning ents is a popular rustic pastime here. See if you can spot the rare Red Troll, the only species of troll Balrogs have not yet fully tamed.
The Free City of Bloodigor is situated on the northern bank of Lake Flambée. A unique community of Balrogs (admittedly of lesser extraction), orcs, and trolls calls Bloodigor home. The city only became part of Rogsylvania relatively recently, and still maintains a unique cuisine, with more ways of preparing hmunsa than any other. Hmunsa dipped in jellyclip tentacles is considered a delicacy.
