March 07, 2009
Oxfat (The Throttler) -- A pack of Greer worshippers staged a blasphemous demonstration in front of the Incredibly Stinky Giant Cigar today. Chanting things like "Tolkien makes us sick!", these vile unmentionables hurled contumely and derision upon the holy of holies, even attacking Tom Bombadil's poetry. Happily, MOE, FATS' intrepid security force, ate most of the miscreants - but not before the world received a sobering reminder of the depths to which the enemies of all that is good will stoop.
At the same time, there has appeared a weird cult among FATS, a group of people who call themselves "Tolkienoids". They believe that to truly understand Tolkien, you must also talk like Tolkien, act like Tolkien, and look like Tolkien. So they all walk around in wool sweaters, smoking pipes, and mumbling weird things. And there are reports of even more bizarre rites being practiced among the extremists. In absence of a clear position by MORAMBAR on such imitation, the viceregent of FATS has ordered their leaders held for questioning. There is no objection to their dressing, looking, and acting like Tolkien as yet, and the viceregent was quite polite to them, offering them warm beer and mush. But he does want clarification of their attitude towards MORAMBAR and the FATS leadership.
