April 06, 2008
New Library (Capital News) -- Reports have arrived here from the wild forests to the east that a band of the notorious psychophants are on the loose. In the forests of the eel clans, they waylaid an innocent Finn and tried to force him to drink water. The Finn fought bravely against this evil fate, and before the worst could happen, he was rescued by some members of the eel clans who heard his cries for help. At the sight of the rescue party, the cowardly psychophants let go of the Finn and disappeared southwards.
The rescuers report that the psychophants were very evil-looking and openly flaunted several bottles labelled "H2O". Says Superintendent Horatio Catchem of the Fredonia Police Department: "We suspect the culprits are in cahoots with the smurfs. This infamous assault bears all the hallmarks of a smurf conspiracy."
